发信站: BBS未名空间站 (Sat Oct 31 11:27:55 2015,美东)
This article is written based on personal experience, and I have no intention to make it as a generalized evaluation of basic biomedical research and people within. Not quite a while ago, I was a self-driven and hard-working postdoc. Graduated from a top school with a record of productive research and working in a top lab, I was so sure that, through my honest work and possibly a little bit of luck, I would be able to land a faculty position someday. Now, I am sure I don’t want to continue this career any more. When I joined my PhD lab, I adored my boss–an influential figure who did some interesting research long time ago. However, after six years of study, I left the lab with very little respect for him, although he might be a decent person as long as your performance is acceptable. Almost everyone in the lab felt depressed (except his pets), and several of them experienced deteriorating health. Eventually everyone knows that he is a self-absorbed, hypocritical and indifferent person, and none truly respects him (except those who don’t know him personally). I left and joined an extremely famous lab. At the beginning I felt great–compared with my previous lab, this was heaven. Everyone is nice(maybe except one or two, but I really cannot ask for more), and many of them become good friends. Having been tortured for my entire PhD study, I became a diplomatic and observant person, and soon realized how much pain they have been through. In addition, one of the few things that really bother me is that almost everyone comfortably believes they are very good. I, however, started to contemplate the meaning of my research and life.
1. What is the mission of research?
Research is about making discoveries. However, I found in my current lab, it is all about making and publishing stories in top-tier journals. While this philosophy is not necessarily wrong–papers determine the results of grant applications, and I have seen this in other labs–many average papers from big labs were published in Cell, Nature and Science, I don’t like it. Scientists, as arguably the brightest people on earth and especially those with reputation and resources, should be visionary leaders, not merely paper-producers. My previous and current labs spend about 6 million dollars per annum in research, yet what is the impact of their research? Very limited–I just could not see the impact proportionate to the amount of money spent. I shall emphasize here that I did see some labs, which are doing great research. I also understand that it might take years or decades for basic biomedical research findings to be transformed into something grand. I never doubted the mission of NASA, which spends billions of dollars every year.
2. Mentor or slave driver?
“Slave driver” might be a little bit extreme. However, I have no doubt that most PIs are insulting the word“ mentor.” A few years back, I adored so many PIs. Then over these years, I saw the majority of them fall from my divine temple, through their own flaws. Some of them are very successful from a practical point of view, but I have no respect for them. Only few of them are truly decent people. They only care about data. They don’t care about your future or feelings no matter how hard you have been working. Life is never fair–mostly likely most of us learned this the hard way. It is true that at the end of the day, only less than 10% of postdocs will be able to land faculty positions, but this does not mean that postdocs and students should not enjoy their work and life. As mentors–if they call themselves this, they should listen and develop the management and leadership skills to build a collegial and friendly environment and meanwhile effectively motivate people.
3. Who we–students and postdocs–are?
Spending so many years in the ivory tower, a lot of students and postdocs have developed the so called “tunnel vision.” To me, life is a long process of discovering and improving myself and searching for happiness. Life is a wonderful thing that is more than the lab, home, or grocery shopping. We are individuals occupied by our own business, but we should also have a broad perspective of the world, community, and life. I enjoyed volunteering very much–but in fact, these whom I have been helping are actually helping me. Because of them, I realized my weaknesses and started to feel compelled to learn new knowledge and skills. More importantly, a lot of scientists are socially awkward. Everyone is flawed more or less, and I am of no exception. However, when I am looking at my colleagues, I am tortured–they are nice people but they are so not prepared for the competitive reality outside of campus. I once worked with a girl from a very prestigious university in China, who was so self-centered that she hurt a lot of people and everyone else hated her, yet her behavior was tolerated by the boss. I also feel puzzled while another girl–after suffering so much in the lab–still adores the boss blindly. It is horrible to see that people can become so focused. I am a lost soul on so many levels, and a lot of human behavior are beyond what I can fathom. However, there are also quite a few things that I am absolutely certain about:
(1) I don’t want to and cannot be my bosses, although you may say that they are very successfully scientists;
(2) if everything that I am experiencing now is just a means to the end, I doubt that it’s worth it
(3) I am not getting any younger. However, at the end of the day, who cares about what I think? After all, I am just nobody. Au revoir…