Singing Snowberg
Chapter Four
Backlashes <7>
The familiar chamber, doors, corridor, green light, they woke my memories back, I need to forget the last time to embrace what I’ll see. But I’m lucky this time, I have Salix with me and no extra fee.
“I’ll wait.” “No! Stay with me.” “But I couldn’t.”
Okay, Cyano be brave, just talk to her. Rosa, my best companion, my magic teacher, why’re you sleeping in this container? I thought nothing has changed, but they all have changed, not the looks, just different. She is sleeping on the bottom of the container like a sweet baby. Suddenly something suffocating hit my lungs, she’s sleeping in the glass container, I’m in this room container, Salix is in the deposit container, the moor outside is another one, one after another. This world is made of containers, even dreams in dreams in dreams are locking us inside, nowhere is freedom. That’s why we have to get to Lejanía, a star away from anything else. It might not be a good place to stay, that’s why we left there, but we got to get back.
The timer shows the remaining time, but I think this is enough. I see a shadow on the wall which keeps Salix and me. I put my palm on the glass and instantly he puts his on the opposite side. Jesus I surrender, Jesus I surrender, Jesus I surrender, why did I gave every part of me and there’s nothing in return? Hot water is falling again, I don’t think I’m getting any closer to Lejanía, forgive me I’m forgetting my pains, whatever you want, to punish me to torture my heart to expel my sanity, I won’t care! I only have myself, after all.
“Do you want to go in?” “I was just in there.” “I know, but how about this time?” The green corridor is calling me.... He’s not pushing me, “let’s go outside.” I need a hug. I need a real hug, wake up wake up! “What are you doing? Cyano don’t hurt yourself!” He grabs my both hands, but I’m kicking around. He kisses me like this is the first time.
“Cyano I’m real, I’m real, if this is not real why do you feel the pain?” He’s right, my fingers are bleeding, too real. “Everything has a reason to exist, what matters is how you feel right now. Rosa is still in your heart, you’re not forgetting. No one remembers everything at the same time, especially in reality, there’re always too many things distracting you. Sometime to forget is how we survive, deep down inside we remember all.”
Open your eyes Cyano, look at him, you both have the same mechanism, and it’s precious.
He opens his eyes the same time. We know each other, we want each other, I take his hand and lead it to my shaft. “Cyano. Do you love me?”
I reach closer to him, he’s nervous, or excited, indicated from his voice, “I think I do love you.” Then don’t hesitate, mount me and do whatever you want! It seems he’s satisfied with my way, starts kissing my neck. We both need this, to solve the unsolvable solitude. Only the closest intimacy creates a temporary illusion. Human beings, so delicately designed, think they have souls, but souls are thoughts themselves, we’re only a kind of mixture of body and thoughts.
Lazy is not pleased to see me today, “Lazy, Lazy?” What’s the good looking outside. He seems depressed when I take him in my arms, he doesn’t even look at me, head holds low. “Let’s visit your master.”
He’s got a tiny collar, 531 indicates the room number. “Miguel? Amigo?” His bathroom door is closed, he’s coughing inside. “Lazy, don’t you worry about your master?” Of course he does you stupid.
“Hello Cyano, glad to see you.” He looks awful. “You looked awful.” He frowned inevitably trying to cover his bad mood but failed, now he’s sitting on his heels on the floor, looked worse.
“What happened?” “Many things, bad things.” “You could tell me.” He shakes his head, “I don’t want to.” “How about we go to Chun’s room and play Gobang?”
This morning we had a great time, they laughed so much. I could see it in their eyes, so quick, in love.
“I’m 4 years older than you, and I still looked charming?” “I’m not sure I got it right when I registered my ID, but it doesn’t matter because you looked much younger than you told.” She’s very happy to hear this, “hum, Miguel I like you. Haha!”
Afternoon when I checked back to room 531 to find Miguel wasn’t there, he must have stayed at 968.
“Lazy, you must be hungry.” I took him to the canteen and served him some fish balls. “Wow this cute cute cat, I can see he likes you.” “Lazy, this is señora Lucy Grace, say hi. Come on, oh he’s not well these days. He had a bad time I think.” I need to take him to the frost forest.