《Toxic Parents》笔记

PART 1.

1. Godlike Parents 天下无不是的父母

• Our culture and our religions are almost unanimous in upholding the omnipotence of parental authority. Also, believing that our parents are perfect serves as a defense against the great unknowns we encounter, which makes us feel protected.

• Godlike parents make rules and judgments. They tend to see rebellion or even individual differences as a personal attack. They defend themselves by reinforcing their child's dependence and helplessness. Instead of promoting healthy development, they unconsciously undermine it, often with the belief that they are acting in their child's best interest. The child is at the mercy of his godlike parents and never knows when the next lightning bolt will strike. At the core of every formerly mistreated adult is a little child who feels powerless and afraid.

• However, since we still have a need to deify our parents, we use denial to avoid facing the painful truth that our godlike parents actually betrayed us; we rationalize, explaining away the painful and uncomfortable emotional assaults or physical abuse; and we transfer strong feelings from the appropriate person to an easier target.

• Death imparts a sort of sainthood to even the worst abuser. The deification of dead parents is almost automatic. So, if the toxic parents die, the powerful taboo against criticizing the dead often inhibits the realistic resolution of conflicts with dead parents.