5
Mind and Body
灵与肉
1. Few things are as antithetical to sex as thought. Sex is instinctive, unreflexive and spontaneous, while thought is careful, uninvolved, and judgemental. To think during sex is to violate a fundamental law of intercourse. But did I have a choice? 很少有什么能像思索那样与性爱相对立。性爱是肉体的产物，它无须思索，只求狂欢，直截了当，从理智的束缚中解脱出来。让肉体的欲望得到彻底的满足。与它相比，思索显得病态满面，病态地要求恢复秩序，是心灵不能屈从于肉体洪流的标志。对我来说，做爱时还在思索，这违背了交合和基本法则。我甚至无力为肉体堕落前的无思维保留一块领地，我犯下了罪过。然而，我还有别的选择吗？
2. It was the sweetest kiss, everything one dreams a kiss might be. It began with a light grazing and tender tentative forays that secreted the unique flavour of our skins. Then the pressure increased, our lips rejoined and parted, mine leaving Chloe's for a moment in order to run along her cheeks, her temples, her ears. She pressed her body closer and our legs intertwined. Dizzy, we collapsed onto the sofa, clutching at one another. 这是最甜美的吻，包含了对吻的所有梦想。我们更用力地挤压，双唇分开，然后又贴近吮吸，无声地表达渴望。我的双唇有时滑离，拂过克洛艾的脸庞、鬓角、耳廓，轻轻地揉擦抹拭，温柔地试探进袭。我们的皮肤发散出独特的芳香。她更紧贴我的身体，我们的双腿绞在一起，在眩晕中我们互相搂抱着跌进沙发，发出笑声。
3. Yet if there was something interrupting this Eden, it was the awareness of how strange it was for me to be lying in Chloe's living room, my lips on hers, feeling her heat beside me. After all the ambiguity, the kiss had come so suddenly that my mind now refused to cede control of events to the body. It was the thought of the kiss, rather than the kiss itself, that was holding my attention.如果说有什么能够打断这伊甸园的欢乐，那就是心灵，或者更明确地说，是思索……思索着这一切对我来说多么奇异：躺在克洛艾的起居室里，双唇触摸她的双唇，双手抚过她的身体，感受她肉体的温热。毕竟这模糊的境地、这热烈的亲吻来得过于突兀，如此出乎预料，以至我的心灵还不想退出，不想让肉体彻底放纵。对这个接吻而非接吻本身的思索，使我的心神几乎游离克洛艾。
4. I couldn't help but think that a woman whose body had but a few hours ago been an area of complete privacy (only suggested by the outlines of her blouse and the contours of her skirt) was now preparing to undress before me. Though we had talked at length, I felt a disproportion between my day-time and night-time knowledge of Chloe, between the intimacy that contact with her body implied and the largely unknown realms of the rest of her life. But the presence of such thoughts, flowing in conjunction with our physical breathlessness, seemed to run rudely counter to the laws of desire. They seemed to be ushering in an unpleasant degree of objectivity, like a third person who would watch, observe, and perhaps even judge.我禁不住在想，几小时之前，这个女人的身体还是完全不可窥视的禁区（只是从她衬衣的线条和裙子的轮廓展露一点），现在却要展示给我她最隐私的部分，而且是远在（因为我们都正好生活在这样的时代）她展示灵魂中最隐私的部分之前。尽管我们已经详尽地交流过，然而我感到白天的克洛艾和夜晚的克洛艾并不一致，我抚弄她的私处所体现的亲密与我对她大半生活的无所知晓并不相称。但是这类想法与令我们肉体无法喘息的激动互相交织，似乎粗鲁无礼地违背了欲望法则；似乎带来了一种令人不太愉快的客观性；似乎在屋子里还有一个第三者在观望，在审视，也许甚至在评判。
5. 'Wait,' said Chloe as I unbuttoned her blouse, 'I'm going to draw the curtains, I don't want the whole street to see. Or why don't we move into the bedroom? We'll have more space.'
We picked ourselves up from the cramped sofa and walked down a book-lined corridor into Chloe's bedroom. A large white bed stood in the centre, piled high with cushions and papers, clothes, and a telephone.
'Excuse the mess,' said Chloe, 'the rest of the place is just for show, this is where I really live.'
There was an animal on top of the mess.
'Meet Guppy ?my first love,' said Chloe, handing me a furry grey elephant whose face bore no signs of jealousy.
“等一下，”当我解开她的衬衣时，克洛艾说，“我去把窗帘拉起来，我可不想整条街都看到我们。或者为什么不到卧室去？那里更宽敞些。”
我们从窄小的沙发中挣脱出来，穿过暗暗的走道，进入克洛艾的卧室。一张白色的大床摆在当中，上面高高地堆着垫子，摞着报纸、书本和一个电话机。
“对不起，乱糟糟的，”克洛艾说，“公寓的其他地方只是给别人看，我真正的生活在这儿。”
在所有这些堆积物上面摆放着一个动物玩具。
“来见一下格皮——我的最爱，”克洛艾说着，递给我一头灰色皮毛的大象，这大象脸上没有露出一丝嫉妒。
6. There was an awkwardness while Chloe cleared the surface of the bed, the eagerness of our bodies only a minute before had given way to a heavy silence that indicated how uncomfortably close we were to our own nakedness.克洛艾在清理床上的东西时，她和我者感觉到一种奇特的尴尬，肉体和分钟前的热切渴望消失了，随之而来的是一片沉寂，这沉寂表明我们并不习惯自己的赤身裸体。
7.When Chloe and I undressed one another on top of the large white bed and, by the light of a small bedside lamp, saw each other naked for the first time, we attempted to be as unselfconscious as Adam and Eve before the Fall. I slipped my hands under Chloe's skirt and she unbuttoned my trousers with an air of indifferent normality, like someone opening the post or changing a duvet.因此，当克洛艾和我在白色的大床上互相脱去衣服，借着床头灯的光线，第一次看着对方赤裸的身体时，都试图显得自然而不拘束，就如亚当和夏娃在堕落前那般。我的手在克洛艾裙子下游移，她愉快而轻松地解开我的裤子，好像注视彼此截然不同的迷人私处并不令我们感到奇怪。我们进入心灵让位给肉体的时刻；进入心灵必须消除一切思想、只留激情的时刻；进入没有判断、只有情欲的时刻。
8. But if there was one thing likely to check our passion, it was clumsiness. It was clumsiness that reminded Chloe and me of the humour and bizarreness of having ended up in bed together, I struggling to peel off her underwear (some of it had become caught around her knees), she having trouble with the buttons of my shirt ?yet each of us trying not to comment, not to smile even, looking at one another with an earnest air of desire, as though oblivious to the potentially comic side of what was going on, sitting semi-naked on the edge of the bed, our faces flushed like those of guilty schoolchildren.然而如果还有什么可能妨碍我们这缺少思索的激情，那就是我们不断显露出来的笨拙。两人一起站立在床上，我笨手笨脚地剥不下克洛艾的内衣（一部分缠在她膝盖上），她怎么也解不开我衬衣的扣子——但是我们都克制不去引导对方，甚至忍住不笑，而用最热切、充满极度渴望的眼神注视着彼此，似乎没有意识到这一切具有潜在的滑稽的一面。我们半裸着坐在床沿上，红着脸，就像犯了错误的学生。是笨拙的举动让克洛艾和我意识到，这一切既幽默又希奇古怪。
回想起来，我们在闲上的笨拙举动显得很滑稽，活像闹剧。然而就动作本身而言，它则是一场小小的灾难，并不受欢迎，妨碍了炽热拥抱的顺畅。激情做爱的神话认为，肉体的交合应该避免微小的阻碍，例如手镯卡住、腿部痉挛，或是在努力达到兴奋的顶点时弄疼了对方。分开缠绕的头发或肢体都会让理智不可避免地惊扰欲望。
9. The philosopher in the bedroom is as ludicrous a figure as the philosopher in the nightclub. In both arenas, because the body is predominant and vulnerable, the mind becomes an instrument of silent, uninvolved assessment. Thought's infidelity lies in its privacy. 'If there is something that you cannot say to me,' asks the lover, 'things that you must think alone, then can you really be trusted?'如果心灵一贯受到谴责，那是因为它拒绝退出非理智的领域。卧室里的哲学家与夜总会里的哲学家一样荒谬滑稽。在这两种境况中，肉体都占主导地位，而且极其敏感，心灵则成了无言的器官，漠不相关的判断。思索的背信弃义在于它的幽然独处——“如果有什么事你不能对我述说，”心上人说，“有什么事情你需要独立思索，那么你还把我放在心上吗？”正是这对距离感的仇恨和思索的超然销蚀了理智的光辉，这理智不只是恋人的对头，也是国家、事业和阶级斗争的敌人。
I wasn't thinking anything cruel while I ran my hands and lips across Chloe's body, it was simply that Chloe would probably have been disturbed by news that I was thinking at all. Because thought implies judgement, and because we are all paranoid enough to take judgement to be negative, it is constitutionally suspect in the bedroom. Hence the sighing that drowns the sounds of lovers' thoughts, sighing that confirms: I am too passionate to be thinking. I kiss, and therefore I do not think ?such is the official myth under which lovemaking takes place, the bedroom a unique space in which partners tacitly agree not to remind one another of the awe-inspiring wonder of their nudity.传统的二元论认为，思想家和恋爱者处于事物对立的两端。思想家思索爱情，而恋爱者则单纯地去爱。当我的手指和嘴唇抚过克洛艾的身体时，我没有思索任何严肃的问题，因为担心我的思索会干扰了克洛艾。思索寓含着判断（我们都那么偏执，以至会做出否定的判断），所以在卧室里时，当赤身裸体令我们的脆弱暴露无遗时，我们总是心存疑虑。集中在私处的形状、颜色、气味，以及动作上的情绪反应意味着所有评价性判断的痕迹都必须消除。因此呻吟掩盖了情人们的思索之声，这呻吟确证了一个信息：我太激动了，以至不能再思索。我亲吻，所以我没有思索——这是一句冠冕堂皇的谎言，肉体的交合在它的掩盖下进行。卧室成为隐秘的空间，身处其间的情人们心照不宣地同意忘却令人恐惧的念头：我们都是赤裸的。
人类有一种独一无二和本领：自身能够离析为二，能够一边行动，一边站在那里观看自己的行动——从这个分裂中，反省出来了。过分的自我意识其缺点在于，不能将分裂开来的观看者和动作者融合到一起，不能一边参与，一边忘记自己的参与。就好比卡通片中的人物高高兴兴地冲出了悬崖边，却还在空中奔跑，直到发现自己脚下一片虚空，才摔落下来跌死。与具有自我意识的人相比，无自我意识的人是多么幸运啊，他们没有主观/客观的分裂，没有被镜子映现的感觉，没有第三只眼睛无何止地发问、评价，或仅只是注视着那个核心的自我（正吻着克洛艾有耳廓）在蠢蠢而动。
10. There is the story of a nineteenth-century pious young virgin who, on the day of her wedding, was warned by her mother, 'Tonight, it will seem your husband has gone mad, but you will find he has recovered by morning.' Is the mind not offensive precisely because it symbolizes a refusal of this insanity, seeming like an unfair way of keeping one's head while others are losing their breath? 有一个故事说，十九世纪时一个纯洁的年轻女子在结婚那天，妈妈警告她说：“今晚，你的丈夫将会像疯子一样，但是你会发现早晨到来时他已经恢复正常。”这种思想之所以令人愠怒，不正是因为它标志着当他人喘息不止之时自己得保持清醒的头脑，不可陷入必要的疯狂吗？
11. In the course of what Masters and Johnson have called a plateau period, Chloe looked up at me and asked, 'What are you thinking about, Socrates?'
'Nothing,' I answered.
'Bullshit, I can see it in your eyes, what are you smiling about?'
'Nothing, I tell you, or else everything, a thousand things, you, the evening, how we ended up here, how strange and yet comfortable it feels.'
'Strange?'
'I don't know, yes, strange, I suppose I'm being absurdly self-conscious about things.'
Chloe laughed.
'What's so funny?'
'Turn round for a second.'
'Why?'
'Just turn over.'
On one side of the room, positioned over a chest of drawers and angled so it had been in Chloe's field of vision, was a large mirror that showed both of our bodies lying together, entangled in the bed linen.
Had Chloe been watching us all the while?
'I'm sorry, I should have told you,' she smiled, 'it's just I didn't want to ask ?not on the first night. It might have made you self-conscious.'
当我们处于马斯特斯和约翰逊所谓的高潮期时，克洛艾仰头看着我，问道：“苏格拉底，你在想什么？”
“什么都没想，”我回答说。
“胡说，我能从你眼中看到，你笑什么？”
“听我说，没有什么，或什么都有，万事万物。你、这个夜晚、我们最终睡在这儿，这一切让人感到多么奇怪又多么舒服。”
“什么令你感觉奇怪？
“不知道，是啊，感觉奇怪，我想我对事物有幼稚的自我意识。”
克洛艾笑了。
“什么东西那么好笑？”
“转过来一下。”
“干吗？”
“你转过来就是了。”
在房间的一边，一面大镜子挂在一外五斗柜上方，镜子的角度正好使克洛艾可以从中看见我们两人互相缠绕着躺在床上。克洛艾一直在看着镜子里面的我们吗？
“对不起，我本来应该告诉你，只是我不想说，这是我们的第一个夜晚，我怕你吓坏了。不过你看一下，快感会倍增的。”
克洛艾把我拉到她身上，分开双腿，我们又开始舒缓地动起来。我朝房间那边看去，看到镜中有两个人缠绕在床单和互相的手臂中做爱。过了一会儿我才意识到那就是克洛艾和我。我们的动作在镜子里和现实中最初有些不一致，观看者和动作者不能合二为一，这是一种令人愉悦的差异，而非自我意识偶尔所暗示的主体和客体之间会带来严重损害的距离。镜子把克洛艾和我的动作客观化，在这之中传达给我一种刺激：我们既是交欢的实施者，又是交欢的观看者。一个男人（他的伴侣此刻将腿放在他的肩头上）和一个女人做爱的情欲画面构成了，受到了这种激发，灵与肉融为一体。
心灵永远不能离开肉体。如果认为灵与肉可以互为独立，那么这种想法是幼稚的。因为思索并不总是只意味着判断（或不去感受），思索还给人留下自己的空间，琢磨他人、产生共鸣、将自己带到肉体之外的地方、成为他人的肉体、感受他人的快感、体会他人的冲动、和他人共赴高潮、为他人达到兴奋顶点。没有心灵，肉体只能思索自己和自身的快感，于是也就不能携手共至巫山之巅，不能觉察他人的情欲路线。一个人必须要去思索那些自己没有感受到的东西。正是心灵带来了和谐一致，造成了脉动。如果让肉体任意行事，那么就只会一边是意乱情迷的丈夫，另一边是惊恐的圣洁处女。
在克洛艾和我似乎只是被欲望支使的同时，做爱其实还是一个控制和调整的复杂过程。用技巧和理智努力使高潮同时到来，肉体的放纵体现在高潮中，这二者之间的难于调和也许显得具有讽刺意味，但只有现代的观点才认为做爱仅只是肉体，因而也是本能的满足。
有一个矛盾玷污了关于本能的思想，本能（如同黑格尔所谓的密涅瓦的猫头鹰）的神话只有当本能不再存在时才会到来，它体现了对原始主义的怀念和对失去的能量升华了的哀悼。在一个对自发冲动着迷的非自然的世界里，性学家呼吁高潮，以重新确认人类与现在较可接受的狂野之间的联系，但是除了留下无效的武断语句，他们一无所获。（《性的愉悦》这个快感法西斯主义的不朽文本曾庄重地、语调愉快地向读者建议：“为了准备活动和高潮的到来，手掌平放在阴户上摩动，中指按在阴唇之间，指尖在阴道中来回抽动，掌心近腕端处紧压阴阜，这也许是最佳方法。”）
克洛艾和我倾情进行的节律抽动很快到达了顶点。大量的分泌液润滑着我们的爱具，我们的头发汗湿了，在极度的快感中，我们情智迷乱地凝望着彼此，灵与肉此时合二为一，就如死亡时的合二为一一般。这是一个没有时间的空间，压缩同时又膨胀，千变万化，形态万千，是世间的极致，所有语句和法则都无法描述，被压抑的言辞迸发成尖叫，意思不明，没有政治色彩，没有任何禁忌，只属于转瞬即逝的领域。