Tonight, it's really a new understanding of relationships. I thought money can mend people's heart, but it doesn't. If I hadn't used harsh words, she wouldn't have responded to me. I feel sick of that. If she hates me, she could talk to me and return the red package to me just like AA did. From here I would never believe in anyone anymore just believe in myself. Yes, Chinese all believe in ourselves. Tonight is an extraordinary lesson for me!
Maybe my dad also regrets by believing in my mom, cause she persuaded my dad to write my name in the apartment ownership certificate. Later I didn't listen to him and have disappointed him. According to his social experiences, he must have been hurt deeply so he must have regretted a lot. You know they have gone through so many years in this society, they know this society much better than me, but I didn't listen to them. So of course I have hurt them deeply. Think about it, would I want my daughter bad ? Unless she disappointed me, even if so I still don't want her bad. Filial piety is very important for me to understand.
Yes, every day our body is like a universe, a lot of details happening each second, it's like a whirlwind. To deal with it requires a lot of energy and focus that's why writing is a career. From last night's experience, I know that self reliance is very important in one's career. What she said is also a fact that no matter where we go, difficulties are always there.
Most of my day is spent by watching videos. Sometimes I also draw a lottery, but I often feel meaningless. I cannot help myself watching that Congolese train video again and again, because I feel very funny and relaxed by what those Africans do. I mean their styles are quite similar to Indians'.
I went to the park and spent very peaceful time there. This time I didn't talk to the security guards because more talking more trouble. Back at home, it's also the same if I talk to my parents a lot, there are also men in trouble because my parents are also people talking much can only bring trouble. Such feelings are very subtle, everybody take different ways, and we always want our ways of life to be the same. That's why conflict comes.
I don't really need advices because the one who understands me the best is myself. I write to look into myself what I really want, where the problem is and how I can do better in future. Such evaluations are very important, every so often I think of of Albert Einstein worked hard on his physics problem, he would have a sit flash, he would sit for days to find the answer; I think as we are living in the world, we are actually doing the same. Yes, it has been my habit to constantly check the QQ messenger cause almost all young Chinese people cannot stay away from the phone. And every so often loneliness comes up, I want to talk to someone with same interest, especially girls, that's also what Albert Einstein did. Ning Qijian told me I can rely on no one I think it's right.
Sometimes I check what people write. Well, I think these people are educated. We have different thinking, we have different pursuit, we have different circumstances, it's all normal. I have a little regret that I didn't continue to do the work yesterday, but it's all because I hadn't had any career before that. So now I'm jobless and I feel like, oh, I'm isolated like I'm living in a isolated island, only the bushes are my company.
There is a problem here that we often view big affairs as things, but we don't view small traces in life as big things and then these small traces of life finally form a big problem that we are not able to solve.