研究表明,对于大多数女性来说, 人生真正的开始是在四五十岁的时候.
Studies show that for most women, life really does begin at 40…or 50
这两个中年女人已经是数十年的好朋友了。她们坐在匹兹堡的一家小咖啡馆里，谈论着她们生活中所发生的变化。琳达·嘉米森正在试图做一名纽约的演奏家，她的朋友帕姆·福斯特是一位54岁的牧师，刚刚接受了一份在维吉尼亚的新教区的工作。“我记得自己曾经坐在教堂里，看着牧师对自己说，‘如果我是个男孩子的话，这就是我长大以后想要做的工作，’”福斯特说。她是在43岁那年被正式任命为牧师的，之前则一直是家庭主妇。“现在我早上在起床之后就有机会做回我自己，而可以一整天都做自己喜欢做的事。多幸运啊！”
he two middle-aged women, good friends for decades, sat in a café in Pittsburgh, talking about the turns their lives had taken. Lynda Jamison was transforming herself into a New York performer; her friend Pam Foster, an Episcopal priest of 54, had accepted a call to a new parish in Virginia. “I remember sitting in church, looking at the minister and saying to myself, “If I were a boy, that is what I would want to do when I grow up, “says Foster, who raised a family before beingordained at 43. “Now I get up in the morning and I have a chance to be who I really am and do what I love doing all day long. Howblessed!”
词语“中年危机”是由心理分析学者艾略特·贾克斯在1965年提出的，并由作家高·斯合在她的1976年的著作“人生旅途 ”中发扬光大。它使人们想起一些中年男子的形象，他们抛弃妻子和家产，支追求年轻貌美的女子，而那些中年主妇却呆在废品旧货栈中哭泣，日渐衰老。但是，对于大多数的美国妇女来说，甚至对于男人，这种观念早就已经过时了。心理学家沃勒瑞·米切尔和拉文纳·哈尔森对700个年龄介于20岁至80岁进行了调查，发现50多岁的妇女比其他年龄群体的妇女更愿意用“一流”这个词来形容她们的生活。她们的收入更高，孩子更加独立而且她们的友谊也比生命中其他的任何时候都来得让人满意。
The term “midlife crisis,” coined bypsychoanalystElliott Jaques in 1965 and popularized by writer Gall Sheehy in her 1976 Passages, conjures up images of middle-aged men trading in their wives and station wagons for sportier models while middle-age matrons weep and rust in the junkyard. But for most American women, —and men—thatstereotypeis out of date. Studying 700 college graduates ranging in age from their twenties to their eighties, psychologists Valory Mitchell and Ravenna Helson discovered that women in their fifties are actually more likely than any other age group to describe their lives as “first rate”[ 1 ]. Their incomes are higher, their children more independent and their friendships more satisfying than at any other time of life.
这个自力更生的社会群体曾认为大概在十年左右的时间里，男性与女性经历相同的人生历程，解决难题然后继续前行。这通常是指人们结婚，生子和老年退休这些阶段。但是，社会提供给女性的机会却大大增加了。生活也不再是一成不变的，因此也无法预见。一个50岁的女人可能是一个幼稚园孩子的妈妈，或是面临退休的首席执政官，或是兼具这两种身份。心理学家所谈论的危机不是由年龄造成的而是因事件所引起的，包括疾病，死亡和不期而至的失落感。他们现在认为女性如何面对中年和她们如何应对任何改变是一致的。悲观主义者会说中年意味着一半的人生已不复存在，而由于如今预期寿命的增加，乐观主义者还有一半的人生行将开始。
The self-help community oncemaintained that with each decade or so, men and women went through another passage, resolved it and moved on. That was when people used to get hitched, have kids and retire in orderly stages. But opportunities for women have multiplied; patterns are no longer sopredictable.[ 2 ]A woman of 50 may be the mother of a kindergartner or aCEOfacing retirement — or both. Psychologists talk not about crises caused by stages but about those caused by events — the diseases, deaths and disappointments that come to everyone at every time of life. And they now believe that how a woman meets midlife isconsistentwith the way she meets any change. Apessimistmay feel tat life is half over; anoptimist, with today’s extended life expectancy, that there’s half left to live.
随着对中年危机这一概念的研究的透视，研究人员开始把着眼点放在做出从青年到老年的优雅的转变上。麦克阿瑟研究基地从事成功中年发展计划的卡罗尔里夫认为所谓幸福的状态应具备六大要素，包括独立，应对复杂需求的能力，成长感，良好的社会关系，使生活充满意义的目标，以及接受自我和过去。这是处于任何年龄段的任何人的幸福秘方，而对女性而言，这几方面在中年阶段似乎有更充分的体现。为什么呢？该基地的主任奥威尔吉尔伯特布里姆认为中年女性“与孩提时代和老年期相比，能较少地受生物钟的驱使。”
With studies puncturing the notion of a crisis in midlife, researchers have begun tofocus on how people make a graceful transition from youth to old age.[ 3 ]Carol Ryff, of the MacArthur Foundation Research Network on Successful Midlife Development, has defined well being as the presence of six qualities; independence, the ability to cope with complex demands, a feeling of growth as a person, good relationships, goals that give life meaning, and an acceptance of the self and the past. This is arecipefor happiness for anyone at any age, but for women theingredients appear to be most readily available during middle age.[ 4 ]Why? In midlife, says Network director Orville Gilbert Brim, a woman “is less driven by a biological clock than in childhood and old age.” The ticking has stopped.
“中年女性”通常只是绝经的代名词。对于一个婴儿潮代人的母亲来说，这个词是难以启齿的。她通常小声地把它说成“生活的改变”。而她的医生和丈夫则会把所有的病症和绝经联系起来。社会心理学家卡罗尔达夫里斯讲述了她母亲在20世纪50年代的经历。医生问“您有易怒，紧张，沮丧，感到压力大和对别人充满敌意的时候吗？有头痛背痛冒冷汗或潮热的时候吗？”“不，没有”，她的母亲说，“不过是有一次在电影院里打了个寒战。”于是医生安慰她说，“那就照这处方配药吧，会管用的。”
“Women in midlife” is often just code formenopause. For the baby boomer’s mother, the very word was unmentionable. She whispered of “the change of life.” Her doctor and therapist and husband were quick toascribeall ills to her “condition.” Social psychologist Carol Tavris reports her mother’s experience in the 1950s. “Do you feelirritable, tense, depressed, nervous and hostile?” asked the doctor. “Do you have headaches, backaches, cold sweats or hot flashes?” No, she said, but “I did have a chill in a movie theater once.” “Here,” said the physician soothingly “have this prescription filled. It will help.”
那个年代的许多女性都对男性对于“女人的麻烦”的反应感到困惑。“绝经并不是什么需要治疗的急病”，达夫里斯说，“对大多数女性而言，中年不仅仅是最幸福的时光，也是最健康的时候。”权威调查表明，只有极少数的妇女有较强烈的身体反应，而有因绝经引发的情绪问题的就更少了。新英格兰研究学院的约翰和索尼亚麦克金雷一直对数以千计的更年期妇女进行观察。她们中的大多数人都平和或积极地看待这段经历-----她们不再担心经期或被受孕，只有3℅的人认为这令她们感到遗憾。
Many women of that era were bemused by the male medical establishment’s response to “female troubles.”[ 5 ]“Menopause is not a medical emergency, a clinical disorder, a disease to be cured, “Tavris says. “For most women, the midlife years are not only the happiest, they’re the healthiest.” According to most authorities, only about percent of all women have severe physical reactions, and even fewer have emotional problems caused bymenopause. John and Sonja mcKinlay of the New England Research Institutes have been following several thousand midlife women throughmenopause. The majority view the experience either neutrally or positively — they no longer worry about periods orpregnancy; only 3 percent say they feel regretful.
作为在更年期遇到麻烦的少数人中的一个，杰米森说她停经时的最深感受是如释重负。在长达七年的时间里，她一直是乱砸东西，大哭一阵。“潮热和心情的波动----当时情况真是糟透了”。她回忆说。她的医生把这归结为糖尿病。就在她来纽约之前，她经受了癌症的恐慌，计划做子宫切除手术。由于她经常锻炼，因此身体状况很好，手术后不久就恢复过来了。“多亏了没有雌激素的作用，我就不用再受绝经期的困扰”，她说。
As a member of the minority who do have problems duringmenopause, Jamison says her most profound emotion was relief to have it over with.[ 6 ]During a seven-year stretch, she’d been throwing things and going on crying jags. “Hot flashes, mood swings — I was a mess, “she recalls. Her doctors blamed diabetes. Just before she opened in New York, she had a cancer scare and scheduled a hysterectomy. Thanks to her workouts, she was in great shape and bounced back from the operation.[ 7 ]Thanks to estrogen patches, she says, “Mom’s not having any more spaz attacks.”
更年期的不适应可以通过手术解决，或通过荷尔蒙疗法得到改善，但是，它仍然是青年期和老年期之间不可逾越的阶段。和男性不同，女性的中年阶段有明显的标志，这是一个肯定自己是谁以及该何去何从的机会。这是人生的一大改变。时间正在流失，别再犹豫，舍弃你讨厌的工作，说出你的所思所想，找寻真爱。听从你内心深处的声音行事。大门向你敞开着。“中年人有充足的自由”，福斯特说。“你无须眷恋曾经的过往，而是要把它融入现在的你，向未来迈进。”正如其言，她和杰米森同两千九百万处在四五十岁的美国女性一样，正收获着成功的果实。“中年”，杰米森说，“是我所经历的人生中最美好的年华。”
Menopause may behastened by surgery or, for some, ameliorated by hormonetherapy, but it is still an unavoidable divide between youth and age. Unlike a man, who may confront his mortality late or never, a woman has a clear marker of midlife, an opportunity to affirm who she is and where she wants to go. This is the change of life. Time’s a-wasting; Chuck the job, speak your mind, find true love. Follow your heart. The door is open. “There is a lot of freedom in midlife,” says reverend Foster. “You have to let your past go,incorporateit into who you are now — and step into the future.” Having done just that, she and Jamison, like many of the 29 million American women in their forties and fifties, are reaping the rewards. “Midlife,” Jamison says, “is the best part of my life so far.”