Have you watched the popular TV show "female psychologist" recently ？
There was a story about a patient who can’t refuse others’ requests at any time ,even when he was such busy on his own work.
As the TV showed, this problem is so common. It means most of us have encountered this situation. Now I am one of them.
It can be traced back to my friend. She planned to hold a live streaming contest and asked me to help her with the detailed plan, I thought it’s not so difficult for me. But as the plan carried out, there’s more and more work to do, even my friend herself had to be a Selling anchor.
But at first, she must have an online shop on Tiktok. Nobody will help her for free,then she asked me for help. I told her that I had no experience with Tiktok, let alone open a shop on it.
But she asked me again and again. Finally, I couldn’t Say NO any more, so I tried to learn how to do that.
It was really a tough experience. I don’t have any interest in Tiktok, but I had to know more about it. It made me exhausted.
Now it’s still going on......
Actually, such kind matters used to get to me.
Most of the time, I can’t refuse. It puts me under psychological pressure.
There’s an old saying:morenicethanwise!
In fact, it’s really hard to refuse.
Because Here we confused with one thing:rejection is to reject that person.
Actually we need to clarify on thing: rejection is just to reject that thing. It is neither rejecting the relationship between that person and himself, nor rejecting that person, nor rejecting himself.
For ourselves:
Many times, we can't refuse because refusing others is equivalent to rejecting ourselves. It is our own fear of rejection that knocks us down.
For others
The rejected person may have the same problem as you. This requires us to constantly show that when we refuse, what I refuse you is only this matter, not the person who refuses you, let alone want to break off the relationship with you.
Such expression is not only helping him reshape the boundary, but also helping himself.
Our reactions, others' reactions, everything we need to verify in life. This process is also a process of cultivating real self-esteem and self-confidence.
When we have self-esteem and confidence in life and the future, and no longer have great fear of saying a rejection, we can freely refuse those things that should be rejected.