【赏析者】弼马温
PART I
I was a wonderful parent before I had children. I was an expert on why everyone else was having problems with theirs. Then I had three of my own.
【段落大意】
我是个很棒的家长，嗯，那是在有孩子之前。我在为什么家长与孩子之间总有这么多问题上曾经是个专家，然后我有了3个孩子，也就有了自己的3个问题。
【单词/词组/句型】
① be an expert on ...
expert on
eg. He’s a world expert on marine mammals.
expert in
an expert in statistics
GRAMMAR: Prepositions with expert
• Someone is an expert on a subject or issue: He’s an expert on the Cold War.
✗Don’t say: He’s an expert of the Cold War.
• Someone is an expert in a field of study or an activity: She’s an expert in family law.
✗Don’t say: She’s an expert of family law.
expert on 和 expert in后面都直接跟名词，意思上感觉没有显著差异
② I was an expert on why everyone else was having problems with theirs.
这里的过去进行时，我感觉是为了和I was an expert保持一致。
Living with real children can be humbling. Every morning I would tell myself, “Today is going to be different,” and every morning was a variation of the one before: “You gave her more than me!” . . . “That’s the pink cup. I want the blue cup.” . . . “This oatmeal looks like throw-up.” . . . “He punched me.” . . . “I never touched him!” . . . “I won’t go to my room. You’re not the boss over me!”
【段落大意】
养育孩子让人实在没脾气。每天早晨我都对自己说:“今天又是新的一天，不会再像昨天那样糟糕了”，但事实上每天都只是以前的变奏而已，没有实质差异。“你给她的多!”。。。“这是粉色的杯子，我要那个蓝色的。”。。。“这个燕麦粥好恶心啊就像别人吐出来的一样。”。。。“他打我。”。。。“我根本没有碰他!”“我不回自己房间，你不能支使我!”
【单词/词组/句型】
① humble 以前只知道humble有谦虚的意思，其实还有很多其他相关联的意思
adjective
2 having a low social class or position
eg. He started his career as a humble peanut farmer.
humble background/origins etc Iacocca rose from humble beginnings to become boss of Ford.
3 → in my humble opinion spoken used humorously to give your opinion about something
eg. It is, in my humble opinion, perhaps the best steak restaurant in Great Britain.
4 → my humble apologies British English spoken used humorously to say you are sorry
5 [only before noun] simple and ordinary, but useful or effective
eg.The humble potato may be the key to feeding the world’s population.
6 → eat humble pie (also eat crow American English) to admit that you were wrong and say that you are sorry
eg. Taylor's victory in the semi-final has forced many of her critics to eat humble pie.
verb
2 [transitive] to easily defeat someone who is much stronger than you are
eg. The mighty U.S. army was humbled by a small Southeast Asian country.
② variation
[可数名词] 同一事物略微的变化形式；A variation on something is the same thing presented in a slightly different form. [usu N on n]
This delicious variation on an omelette is quick and easy to prepare...
这种稍加变化的可口煎蛋卷做起来又快又容易。
Many theories on punishment exist, all of which are variations on a theme.
关于惩罚的理论有很多，虽形式略有不同，但其主旨都是一样的。
著名的卡农变奏曲： Variations on the Canon
② throw-up
throw up: 1 to bring food or drink up from your stomach out through your mouth because you are ill SYN vomit
throw up是呕吐的意思，所以我觉得throw-up在这里是呕吐物的意思。
② You’re not the boss over me! 如果让我造句，一定写的是You are not the boss of me.
They finally wore me down. And though it was the last thing I ever dreamed I’d be doing, I joined a parent group. The group met at a local child-guidance center and was led by a young psychologist, Dr. Haim Ginott.
【段落大意】
最终这些击垮了我，我从来没想过我竟然也因此参加了一个家长群。这个群由一个年轻的心理学家Ginott博士组织，家长们在一个当地的儿童指导中心里聚会。
【单词/词组/句型】
① wear somebody down to gradually make someone physically weaker or less determined
eg. It was clear he was being worn down by the rumours over his future.
② 直接拿来背诵: And though it was the last thing I ever dreamed I’d be doing, I joined a parent group.
The meeting was intriguing. The subject was “children’s feelings,” and the two hours sped by. I came home with a head spinning with new thoughts and a notebook full of undigested ideas:
Direct connection between how kids feel and how they behave.
When kids feel right, they’ll behave right. How do we help them to feel right?
By accepting their feelings!
Problem—Parents don’t usually accept their children’s feelings. For example:“You don’t really feel that way.”“You’re just saying that because you’re tired.”“There’s no reason to be so upset.”
【段落大意】
这次的聚会非常有趣，主题是“孩子的感受”，2个小时的时间过得飞快。回家时我带着满脑子盘旋的新思想和本子上记的满满的还没消化的新想法:
孩子的行为与他们的感受直接相关。
孩子的感受正确时他们的行为就是正确的。那么我们怎么帮助他们感受正确?
–接受他们的感受。
问题通常是家长并不接受孩子的感受。比如，家长会说: “你不是真的那样以为。”“你现在这样说只是因为你累了。”“没必要这么不高兴。”
【单词/词组/句型】
① intriguing /ɪnˈtriːɡɪŋ/ adjective
something that is intriguing is very interesting because it is strange, mysterious, or unexpected SYN fascinating
eg. The magazine carries an intriguing mixture of high fashion, gossip and racing.
② speed by： if time speeds by, it seems to pass very quickly
eg. The weeks sped by and soon it was time to go back to school.
② Two hours sped by. I came home with a head spinning with new thoughts and a notebook full of undigested ideas
Steady denial of feelings can confuse and enrage kids. Also teaches them not to know what their feelings are—not to trust them.
【段落大意】
一再地否定孩子的感受会使他们感到困惑、激怒他们并让他们没办法理解自己的感受、相信自己的感受。
【单词/词组/句型】
① denial /dɪˈnaɪəl/ noun
1 [countable, uncountable] a statement saying that something is not true → deny
denial of
eg. The government issued an official denial of the rumour.
denial that
eg. denials that border security had not been strict enough
② enrage
to make someone very angry → angerMany readers were enraged by his article.
After the session I remember thinking, “Maybe other parents do that. I don’t.” Then I started listening to myself. Here are some sample conversations from my home—just from a single day.
【段落大意】
那次家长聚会之后我开始思考:也许其他家长会犯这些错误，而我不会。于是我开始注意观察我和孩子们之间的对话。以下是一些在一天当中我和孩子们对话的例子。
CHILD: Mommy, I’m tired.
ME: You couldn’t be tired. You just napped.
CHILD: (louder) But I’m tired.
ME: You’re not tired. You’re just a little sleepy. Let’s get dressed.
CHILD: (wailing) No, I’m tired!CHILD: Mommy, it’s hot in here.ME: It’s cold. Keep your sweater on.
CHILD: No, I’m hot.
ME: I said, “Keep your sweater on!”
CHILD: No, I’m hot.
CHILD: That TV show was boring.
ME: No, it wasn’t. It was very interesting.
CHILD: It was stupid.ME: It was educational.
CHILD: It stunk.
ME: Don’t talk that way!
【段落大意】
孩子:妈妈，我累了。
妈妈:你怎么会累呢？不是刚睡了一觉吗?
孩子:(大声地说)我就是累了呀。
妈妈:你不是累了，你只是还有点儿困，赶紧穿好衣服。
孩子:(大喊)我就是累了!
孩子:妈妈，这里好热啊！
妈妈:不热啊，穿上你的毛衣。
孩子:不，我好热
孩子:这个节目太无聊了。
妈妈:不无聊啊，明明很有趣。
孩子:太蠢了
妈妈:很有教育意义。
孩子:太傻X了。
妈妈:不许说脏话!
【单词/词组/句型】
① stink
1 to have a strong and very unpleasant smell
eg. It stinks in here!
stink of
eg. His breath stank of alcohol.
The toilets stank to high heaven (=stank very much).
2 spoken used to say that something is bad, unfair, dishonest etc
Don’t eat there – the food stinks! The whole justice system stinks.→
stink something out
to fill a place with a very unpleasant smell
Those onions are stinking the whole house out.
② wail v.
1) [T] to say something in a loud, sad, and complaining way‘But what shall I do?’ Bernard wailed.
2) [I] to cry out with a long high sound, especially because you are very sad or in painSomewhere behind them a child began to wail.
3) [I] to make a long high soundThe wind wailed in the chimney.— wail noun [C]the wail of police sirens
Can you see what was happening? Not only were all our conversations turning into arguments, I was also telling my children over and over again not to trust their own perceptions but to rely on mine instead.
【段落大意】
能从我们的对话中看出发生了什么吗？这些对话最后都演变成了争论，而且我一次次地告诉孩子们要相信我的判断而不是相信他们自己的感受。
【单词/词组/句型】
① perception
1) [C,U] the way you think about something and your idea of what it is likeperception ofchildren’s perceptions of the worldthe public perception of the government’s performance
2) [U] the way that you notice things with your senses of sight, hearing etcdrugs that alter perceptionvisual perception
3) [U] the natural ability to understand or notice things quicklyRoss shows unusual perception for a boy of his age.
② not only, (but) also
Not only were all our conversations turning into arguments,...
否定词在句首，后面需要倒装。
Once I was aware of what I was doing, I was determined to change. But I wasn’t sure how to go about it. What finally helped me most was actually putting myself in my children’s shoes. I asked myself, “Suppose I were a child who was tired, or hot or bored? And suppose I wanted that all-important grown-up in my life to know what I was feeling . . . ?”
【段落大意】当我意识到问题时我下决心要有所改变，但我并不确定该怎样做。最后还是设身处地地从孩子的角度去思考问题这个方法帮到了我，我会去思考:假如我是个小朋友，我觉得累了、热了、无聊了，我会怎样? 如果我是个小朋友我想让我身边这些对我很重要的成年人了解我的感受，我该怎么做呢?
【单词/词组/句型】
① in other's shoes
2) in somebody’s shoes in someone else’s situation, especially a bad oneI wouldn’t like to be in his shoes when his wife finds out what happened.Anyone in her shoes would have done the same thing.Don’t be cross with them. Try to put yourself in their shoes (=imagine what it would feel like to be in their situation) .
Over the next weeks I tried to tune in to what I thought my children might be experiencing, and when I did, my words seemed to follow naturally. I wasn’t just using a technique. I really meant it when I said, “So you’re still feeling tired—even though you just napped.” Or “I’m cold, but for you it’s hot in here.” Or “I can see you didn’t care much for that show.” After all, we were two separate people, capable of having two different sets of feelings. Neither of us was right or wrong. We each felt what we felt.
【段落大意】
所以，接下来的几周，我试着去感同身受孩子们的体验，然后我们的沟通变得自然而然。我甚至没有运用任何技巧，我说的每一句话都是我的真情实感: “所以虽然你睡了一觉可是现在还是觉得累。”“你觉得这里热，我却觉得这里蛮冷的”。“我看出来了你对这个电视节目不感兴趣。”不管怎样，我们是两个独立的个体，自然有各自不同的感觉。这里面没有对与错，我们只是各自感受各自的感受。
【单词/词组/句型】
① tune v.
2) also be tuned in to realize or understand what is happening or what other people are thinkingtune in toTry to tune in to your partner’s needs.The company aims to be more tuned in to customer needs.
For a while, my new skill was a big help. There was a noticeable reduction in the number of arguments between the children and me. Then one day my daughter announced, “I hate Grandma,” and it was my mother she was talking about. I never hesitated for a second. “That is a terrible thing to say,” I snapped. “You know you don’t mean it. I don’t ever want to hear that coming out of your mouth again.”
【段落大意】
一段时间以来，我学到的新技能给了我很大的帮助，我和孩子们争执的次数明显减少了。然而，一天，当我女儿说:“我讨厌姥姥”时，我一秒都没有犹豫、非常生气地说:“你说的话太可怕了，你知道你不是这个意思，不许你再说出这种话来。”
【单词/词组/句型】
① snap
3 SAY SOMETHING ANGRILY [intransitive, transitive] to say something quickly in an angry way
eg. ‘What do you want?’ Mike snapped.
snap at
eg. He snapped at Walter for no reason.
② 背诵句型： There was a noticeable reduction in the number of arguments between the children and me.
② a while: a period of time, especially a short one 暂时