So, who the hell should be to blame?

I'm a teacher, teaching English to high school students. If you ask me whether I feel happy or not, my answer would be:

Sometimes I do, but most of the time I don't.

Why is that? Here’s a quote from what I wrote yesterday:

Think about it, what can make a teacher so happy? Of course it is that he feels needed and, luckily, has a bunch of eager and hungry students.

Yes, I am needed, but mostly by students’ parents instead of students themselves. Parents often tell me that it is so difficult to find a truly great teacher. I know what they mean. They want good grades, which can make them happy and proud.

However, unfortunately, I don’t have a bunch of eager and hungry students. The students sitting in my classroom are not like those I meet on the Internet. They are lazy, unambitious and numb, living such a life day in day out.

They should be what young kids should be, but they aren’t. I don’t exaggerate about it, for that is exactly what I’m seeing.

If you ask them why, they would tell you that learning is so boring that they are not interested in it. Here’s what they say:

I have too much homework to do.
I have too many exams to take.
I don't have enough time to sleep.
I'm forced to learn too much.
I hate my teachers.
I don't feel happy when learning.

Maybe they can list more if given enough time. To be frank, this is the real story of what's happening in the life of most high school students.

So, what happened?

Years ago, it was my interest in English and my enthusiasm for education that made me decide to pursue a career as an English teacher. I imagined that I could change my students as much as I had been changed by my teacher when I was young. I imagined that I could have a bunch of eager and hungry students, who are curious about what they don’t know and trying hard to go beyond themselves and learn to find more possibilities.

But years later, I find that I was wrong. I do have such students, but just a few, not many.

I always deem that the luckiest thing a student can ever have at school is that he or she can meet a truly great teacher, who can lead him or her to a whole new level. But when such a teacher is standing right before your eyes, you are not even aware of it. How ridiculous!

I’m not saying that I am that truly great teacher, but I can promise you that I have been doing as much as I can to make myself a truly great one.

Now I know the real reason behind it.

As a matter of fact, I can’t blame my students because they tell me that they really want to make a change and be better, but they can’t make it. They get tired of what they are learning at school and, at the same time, they feel unhappy about what they are forced by their demanding parents at home.

So, who the hell should be to blame?

All right. Now that I can’t change it, then what can I change? Well, I can change myself. Only by changing myself can I make a real change.