C'mon, you are going out with the guy!
- C'mon == come on
- go out: 出去(约会)
There's gotta be something wrong with him!
- There has got to be...: 必须，肯定
So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
- hump: 驼峰；驼背 n., v.
- hairpiece: a piece of false hair 假发 n.
Wait, does he eat chalk?
- chalk: 粉笔 n., v.
Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl.
- go through: 经历, 经受
Sounds like a date to me.
- 听上去像是和我约会(to)
Alright, so I'm back in high school, I am standing in the middle of cafeteria and I realize I am totally naked.
- cafeteria: 自助餐厅； 小餐厅；快餐厅
All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring and it turns out it's my mother which is very very weird because
- all of a sudden: 忽然
- phone...ring: 电话响起
- and it turns out: 结果
- weird: 奇怪(口语化，一般不用strange)
This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
- wanna = want to
I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck.
- throat: 喉咙
- small intestine: 小肠
- grab: grasp and seize suddenly and roughly, 猛烈突然地抓
- tie around: 缠绕
Carol moved her stuff out today.
- moved her stuff out: 东西搬走了
Stop cleansing my aura.
- cleanse: make something(skin) clean thoroughly, 彻底清洁
- aura: the distinctive atmosphere or quality seems to surround or be generated by someone. 灵气
to hell with her, she left me!
- 去她妈的，她甩了我
And you never knew she was a lesbian.
- lesbian: 女同
Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
- fixate: cause someone to develop an obsessive attachment to someone/sth.
- 为啥大家围绕这个话题打转
Did I say that out loud?
- 我 大声说出来了吗？
You are feeling a lot of pain now. You're angry. You're hurting.
- feel a lot of pain: 感到痛苦
Strip Joint
- strip: 脱衣
- 脱衣舞俱乐部
Have some hormones!
- hormones: 荷尔蒙
I just went to your building and you weren't there.
- go to your building == 去你家
or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
- bridesmaid: 伴娘
It started about a half hour before the wedding, I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents and I was looking at the gravy boat.
- gravy: 肉汁
- gravy boat: 调味汁瓶
This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat.
- gorgeous: beautiful and very attractive
- Limoges: a city in west central France
- Limoges is known for its medieval and Renaissance enamels (Limoges enamels) on copper
I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry.
- be turned on: 被激发兴趣，被触下开关
And the I got really freaked out.
- get freaked out: 吓坏了
And that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato head.
- when it hit me: 突然想到
I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart.
- kinda = kind of = sort of 程度
- drift: 漂移 --> drift apart 生疏了
I am guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ and she's really not happy about it.
- pipe organ: 管风琴
push her down the stairs.
- 推她下楼
It's a metaphor, daddy.
- metaphor: 隐喻
You can see where he'd had trouble.
- 这就是他的问题所在了
Well, I guess we've established she's staying here with Monica.
- 我们已经确认...
Raindrops on roses, rabbits and kittens, bluebells, ** sleigh-bells** and something on mittens
- kittens: 小猫咪
- bluebell: 蓝色风铃草
- sleigh-bell: 雪橇 铃铛
- mittens: 手套
look, this's probably for the best, you know?
- 这样反而更好
Taking control of your life
- 主宰自己的生命
Me and Chandler live across the hall and he's away a lot.
- Chandler经常不在家
Stop hitting on her.
- 别再勾引/调戏她了
Buzz him in.
- buzz: 一种嗡嗡声
- buzz him in == let him in
Paul the Wine Guy
- Paul 那个调酒师
Oh, this is a Dear Diary Moment!
- 值得铭记的时刻
I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
- didn't catch sth.: 我没听清楚xx
I just pulled out four eyelashes.
- eyelash: 眼睫毛
What're you up to tonight?
- 你今晚干什么？
I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon.
- be supposed to: to be expected to do something
- be headed for: To be in the process of doing something or traveling to some end point or destination.
- on ones honeymoon: 在蜜月中
big lizard
- lizard: 蜥蜴
Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
- come over to do: 来
- put together: 组装
I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight.
- hang out: to spend time idly or in relaxing or socializing
I'm supposed to attach a brackety things to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys.
- bracket: 支架
- worm: 蜗杆
I see no worm guys whatsoever.
- whatsoever == at all
- 一点儿也没看见worms
I cannot feel my legs.
- 我腿麻了
She always drank it out of can, I should have known.
- drink - drank
- out of can: 不用易拉罐（喝）
She got the furniture, stereo and the good TV.
- stereo: 音响
You got screwed.
- screw: n. 螺旋；螺丝钉；吝啬鬼, vt. 旋，拧；压榨；强迫
- == you failed or you were attacked by someone. 你被坑了
I'm such an idiot.
- 我是大白痴
I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week.
- catch on = understand what is meant or how to do something.
My brother's going through that right now. He is such a mess.
- 他现在也很纠结
How did you get through it?
- go through vs. get through
Well, you might try accidentally breaking somethings valuable of hers.
- try doing
I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on.
- with socks on: 穿着袜子
Machine cut me off again.
- 电话挂断了
There's Rocky Road, and cookie dough and Bing! cherry vanilla.
- rocky road ice cream is a chocolate flavored ice cream.
- cookie dough: 曲奇
- vanilla: 香草
You could get'em with Jimmies, or nuts or whipped cream!
- jimmies: 糖条
- whipped cream: cream, typically sweetened, that has been beaten until it is light and fluffy. 打发的奶油
Grab a spoon!
- 拿起勺子，开挖吧
I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
- horny: 欲火难耐了
Stay out of my freezer!
- 离我冰箱远点
It's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
- revelation: reveal, 披露
- 第五次约会才讲(披露)的事情
I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now.
- spit: 喷(水)
I am glad you smashed her watch.
- smash: 粉碎