Bargaining Advantage (04 15)

We Are All Negotiators 我们都是谈判家

All of us negotiate many times a day. We negotiated as children for things we wanted: attention, special treats, and raises to our weekly allowance of spending money. We negotiate as adults for much more complex sets of desires that, when you examine them closely, often come down to the same things we negotiated for as children. Negotiation is a basic, special form of human communication, but we are not always aware that we are doing it. A single definition that can help us recognize negotiation when it happens is the following: A negotiation is an interactive communication process that may take place whenever we want something from someone else or another person wants something from us. We negotiate at kitchen tables as often as we do at bargaining tables. But our personal relationships and professional roles sometimes make complete cooperation and even sacrifice, rather than negotiation, the “right” answer to many requests. When a winter storm knocks out the electric power in our community and a neighbor calls asking for help, we do not stop to haggle with him—we respond. If our work calls on us to deliver uncompromising customer service and a customer needs something, we accommodate. But notice something. Even these obvious examples of situations that do not seem to involve negotiation arise within the context of ongoing relationships that are characterized by deeply embedded norms of reciprocity. If our neighbor is known for his loud, late-night parties and never responds when we ask him to quiet down, his appeal for help in the storm may have to wait until we have taken care of others. And the customers we serve give us more business the better we serve them. There is a quid pro quo. So situations that involve pure cooperation and sacrifice with no thought of reciprocal accommodation are, in fact, relatively rare occasions. The rest of the time, we are involved in some sort of negotiation, broadly defined.

我们每天都要谈判好多次。作为孩子，我们为了我们想要的东西进行谈判：关注，特殊的待遇，增加每周的零花钱。作为成年人，我们会为了更复杂的欲望而进行谈判。然而，当你仔细观察这些所谓复杂的欲望之时，你会发现，这些欲望和孩子的谈判的内容大同小异。谈判是人类基本而特殊的沟通方式，但是我们对此却不自知。一个能让我察觉到我们在进行谈判的定义是：谈判是当我们想要从他人那里获得一些东西或者他人想从我们这里获得一些东西时相互沟通的过程。我们在饭桌上谈判的次数和在谈判桌上谈判的次数一样多。但是出于私人关系和专业形象，有时候表现得完全配合，甚至有时做出牺牲，而不是进行谈判，以正确应对各种需求。当寒冬的暴风雪将社区的电力系统摧毁，我们的令居向我们寻求帮助之时，我们不会和他们争论 --- 而是积极回应。当我们的工作需要我们在客户需要我们帮助时积极提供服务，我们会做出妥协，给与服务。但是要注意。即使这些具有代表性的例子，二者之间的谈话内容没有任何谈判因素，但是实际上他们的关系之间隐含着互惠原则。如果我们的邻居十分吵闹，夜夜笙歌，而对我们要他们安静点的要求从不做出回应的话，他在暴风雪来临，请求帮助的要求之时，我想，等到我们帮助完其他需要帮助的人之后，才会对其请求做出回应。在商业里，也是一样。我们给客户提供更好的服务，而客户会给我们更多的生意。每段关系之间，都有交换条件。所以，那些没有互惠原则的妥协，仅仅只是单纯的合作和牺牲的情况很少。大部分情况下，我们进行的谈判，都是广义上带有互惠原则的谈判。