读到Strait Is The Gate四分之三

uncertain felicity

台南旧书店买的这本爷爷书已经被我弄散架了

读到了Alissa的转变另Jerome开始质疑自己的爱这一段，我在他的醒悟中看到了许多恋爱中的痴人的影子。

If by slow degrees I had exalted her, if out of her I had made myself an idol, and adorned it with all that I was enamored of, what now remained to me as the result of my labors but my fatigue? As soon as she had been left to herself, Alissa had relapsed to her own level——a mediocre level, on which I found myself too, but on which I no longer desired her. Ah! How absurd and fantastic seemed this exhausting effort of virtue in order to reach her there, on the heights where she had been placed by my own sole endeavor. A little less pride and our love would have been easy... but what sense was there in persisting in a love without object? This was to be obstinate, not faithful. Faithful to what? To a delusion.

看到这里我不禁翻到书中最初的动人话语。

She was all question and expectation. You will hear how this questioning took possession of me, became my life.

Drunk with love, with pity, with an indistinguishable mixture of enthusiasm, self–sacrifice, and virtue, I appealed to God with all my strength–I offered myself up to Him, unable to conceive that existence could have any other object than to shelter this child from fear, from evil, from life.

...the air was saturated with autumn...

"Le meilleur moment des amours n'est pas quand on dit: je t'aime..."恋爱中最好的时期，并非当你说: 我爱你……

窗外凝固的绿