在美剧 Glee 中，亚裔男孩Mike说考试成绩"A−"对于亚裔家庭来说相当于"F"，这就是“Asian F”的出处。“虎爸虎妈”“数学好”这些刻板印象一直阻碍着亚裔族群融入主流文化。虽然随着时代的进步和亚裔群体自身的努力在不断的好转，仍然会遇到一些让他们感到被冒犯，被特殊化的情况。亚裔女生 Canwen 这一次就来分享她的成长故事。
My name is Canwen, and I play both the piano and the violin. I aspire to some day be a doctor, and my favorite subject is calculus.
我的名字是Canwen，我即会弹钢琴也会弹小提琴。我希望未来某一天可以成为一名医生，我最喜欢的科目是微积分。
My mom and dad are tiger parents, who won't let me go to sleepovers, but they make up for it by serving my favorite meal every single day. Rice.
我妈和我爸是虎妈和虎爸，他们从不允许我通宵玩耍，但作为补偿，他们每天会给我提供我最爱的食物---大米。
And I'm a really bad driver. So my question for you now is, "How long did it take you to figure out I was joking"?
我是一个技术很差的司机。所以我现在想问你们一个问题："你们花了多长时间才看出我是在开玩笑的。"
As you've probably guessed, today I am going to talk about race and I'll start off by sharing with you my story of growing up Asian-American.
现在你们可能会猜测，我今天是来谈论种族问题的，我会首先你们分享我作为华裔美国人成长的故事。
I moved to the United States when I was two years old, so almost my entire life has been a blend of two cultures.
当我两岁的时候我搬到美国，几乎我的整个生活就是两种文化的混合。
I eat pasta with chopsticks. I'm addicted to orange chicken, and my childhood hero was Yao Ming.
我用筷子吃意大利面。我超级爱吃橙子鸡，我幼时的偶像是姚明。
But having grown up in North Dakota, South Dakota, and Idaho, all states with incredible little racial diversity, it was difficult to reconcile my so-called exotic Chinese heritage with my mainstream American self.
但是成长于南达科他州、北达科他州和爱达荷州，这些伴随着一些难以置信的种族差异性的地方，对我来说，将所谓的外来的中国传统与美国的主流文化协调为一致，是很困难的。
Used to being the only Asian in the room, I was self-conscious at the first thing people noticed about me was, that I wasn't white.
过去作为生活中唯一一个亚洲人，我自我意识到人们察觉的到我的第一件事情就是我不是白人。
And as a child I quickly began to realize that I had two options in front of me.
作为一个孩子我很快的开始意识到我面前有两个选择。
Conformed to the stereotype that was expected of me, or conformed to the whiteness that surrounded me. There was no in between.
遵守期望被遵守的老一套，或者遵守包围着我的白人的这一套。并没有折中的选择。
For me, this meant that I always felt self-conscious about being good at maths, because people would just say it was because I was Asian, not because I actually worked hard.
对于我来说，这意味着我总是为我擅长于数学而感到不自在，因为人们会仅仅把这原因归结为我是亚洲人，而并不是因为我的努力工作。
It meant that whenever a boy asked me out, it was because he had the yellow fever, and not because he actually liked me.
这意味着不管任何时候有男生叫我出去玩儿，仅仅只是因为他爱黄色皮肤，而不是因为他确实喜欢我。
It meant that for the longest time my identity had formed around the fact that I was different.
这意味着很长一段时间我的身份都会被冠以这样一个名义那就是我是不同的。
And I thought that being Asian was the only special thing about me. These effects were emphasized by the places where I lived.
我认为作为亚洲人这是我唯一独特的东西。这些特点会被我所生活的地方加以强调。
Don't get me wrong. Only a small percentage of people were actually racist, or, even borderline racist, but the vast majority were just a little bit clueless.
不要误解我。仅仅只有很小一部分人是真正的种族主义，或者，甚至是边缘的种族主义，但大多数的人仅仅只是有点不明所以。
Now, I know you are probably thinking, "What's the difference"? Well, here is an example.
现在，我懂你可能会在想"有什么不同呢？"好的，让我来举个例子。
Not racist can sound like, "I'm white and you're not". Racist can sound like, "I'm white, you're not, and that makes me better than you".
非种族主义者可能会想："我是白人而你不是。"种族主义者可能会想，"我是白人，你不是，这样一来我就比你优秀。"
But clueless sounds like, "I'm white, you're not, and I don't know how to deal with that".
但是不明所以的人会想，"我是白人，你不是，我不知道该怎么处理这个问题。"
Now, I don't doubt for a second that these clueless people are still nice individuals with great intentions.
现在，我毫不怀疑的说，这些不明所以的人仍旧是有善良的意图的好的个体。
But they do ask some questions that become pretty annoying after a while. Here are a few examples. "You're Chinese, oh my goodness, I have a Chinese friend, do you know him"?
但是不久之后他们确实会问一些很恼人的问题。这儿有几个例子。"你是中国人，我的天呀，我有一位中国朋友，你认识他吗？"
"No. I don't know him. Because contrary to your unrealistic expectations, I do not know every single one of the 1.35 billion Chinese people who live on Planet Earth".
"不，我不认识他。因为与你的不切实际的期望相反，居住在地球上的13亿5千万中国人我并不都认识。"
People also tend to ask, "Where does your name come from"? , and I really don't know how to answer that, so I usually stick with the truth. "My parents gave it to me. Where does your name come from"?
人们也会问你"你的名字是哪来的？"我确实不知道该怎么回答这个问题，所以我通常会摆出事实。"我父母给我起的。你的名字又是怎么来的？"
Don't even get me started on how many times people have confused me with a different Asian person.
不要再让我开始讲有多少次人们将我和别的亚洲人搞混了。
One time someone came up to me and said, "Angie, I love your art work"! And I was super confused, so I just thanked them and walked away.
有一次某个人向我走来说，"Angie,我喜欢你的艺术作品。"我超级困惑，所以我仅仅只是向他道谢然后就走开了。
But, out of all the questions my favorite one is still the classic, "Where are you from"? , because I've lived in quite a few places, so this is how the conversation usually goes.
但是在所有问题中我最喜欢的一个还是这个最经典的问题："你来自哪里？"因为我已经住过好几个地方，所以我们的对话通常就会这样进行。
"Where are you from"? "Oh, I am from Boise, Idaho".
"你来自哪里？""奥，我来自爱达荷州的博伊西。"
"I see, but where are you really from"? "I mean, I lived in South Dakota for a while".
"我懂了，但是你真实来自哪里？""我的意思是，我在南达科他州待过一段时间。"
"Okay, what about before that"? "I mean, I lived in North Dakota".
"好，那你之前在哪住？""我在北达科他州住。"
"Okay, I'm just going to cut straight to the chase here, I guess what I'm saying is, have you ever lived anywhere far away from here, where people talk a little differently"?
"好吧，我应该直接切入主题了，我想我的意思是，你曾经居住过某些离这里很远的地方吗，那里的人们说话方式有些不同？"
"Oh, I know where you talking about, yes I have, I used to live in Texas".
"哦，我知道你说的是哪里了，是的，我曾经居住在德克萨斯州。"
By then, they usually have just given up and wonder to themselves why I'm not one of the cool Asians like Jeremy Lin or Jackie Chan, or they skip the needless banter and go straight for the, "Where is your family from"?
到那时候，他们就会放弃追问然后自己思索，为什么我不像林书豪或者成龙是一个很酷的亚洲人，或者直接跳过那些不必要的调侃，直接问我，"你的家族来自哪里？"
So, just an FYI for all of you out there, that is the safest strategy. But, as amusing as these interactions were, often times they made me want to reject my own culture, because I thought it helped me conform.
所以，对于你们所有会面对这种问题的人来说这仅是一个参考，这是一个安全的策略。但是，和这些互动一样搞笑的是，它们让我时常的想拒绝我的文化，因为这样能帮助我顺应新文化。
I distanced myself from the Asian stereotype as much as possible, by degrading my own race, and pretending I hated math. And the worse part was, it worked.
我尽可能的疏远了亚洲的定式传统，降低我的考试成绩，以及假装我很讨厌数学。最糟糕的的地方就是，这样做居然有效。
The more I rejected my Chinese identity, the more popular I became. My peers liked me more, because I was more similar to them. I became more confident, because I knew I was more similar to them.
我越排斥我的中国人的身份，我就越受欢迎。我的同伴更喜欢我了，因为我和他们更像了。我变得更加自信，因为我知道我和他们更像了。
But as I became more Americanized, I also began to lose bits and pieces of myself, parts of me that I can never get back, and no matter how much I tried to pretend that I was the same as my American classmates, I wasn't.
但是在我变得更加美国化的同时，我也开始丢失我自己的点点滴滴，我的一部分再也回不去了，不管我再怎么假装我和我的同学一样，但我终究是不同的。
Because for people who have lived in the places where I lived, white is the norm, and for me, white became the norm too.
因为对于和我居住在同一地方的人来说，白色就是标准，对于我来说，白色也是标准。
For my fourteenth birthday, I received the video game The Sims 3, which lets you create your own characters and control their lives. My fourteen-year-old self created the perfect little mainstream family, complete with a huge mansion and an enormous swimming pool.
在我14岁生日的时候，我收到了模拟人生3这款电子游戏，它让你创建你自己的角色并且控制他们的生活。14岁的我创建了一个完美的小主流家庭，用巨大的豪宅和巨大的游泳池加以完善。
I binge-played the game for about three months, then put it away and never really thought about it agai. Until a few weeks ago, when I came to a sudden realization. the family, that I had custom-designed, was white.
我疯狂地玩儿了这个游戏三个月，然后就把它扔在一边再也没有想起来。直到几个月之前我才突然意识到，那个家庭，我设计的那个家庭，是白人家庭。
The character that I had designed for myself, was white. Everyone I had designed was white. And the worst part was, this was by no means a conscious decision that I had made.
我给我自己设计的角色是白人。我设计的每一个人都是白人。最糟糕的是，这绝不是我做的有意的决定。
Never once did I think to myself that I could actually make the characters look like me. Without even thinking, white had become my norm too.
我甚至都没有想过，我应该把这个角色做的像我一点。甚至都不用多想，白色也成为了我的标准。
The truth is, Asian Americans play a strange role in the American melting pot. We are the model minority. Society uses our success to pit us against other people of color as justification that racism doesn't exist.
事实是,华裔美国人在美国的大熔炉里扮演着奇怪的角色。我们是少数人的模范。社会利用我们的成功去对付其他有色人种，还声称种族主义并不存在。
But was does that mean for us, Asian Americans? It means that we are not quite similar enough to be accepted, but we aren't different enough to be loathed.
但是这对于我们意味着什么，华裔美国人民？这意味着我们并没有相似到可以被接受的地步，也并没有不同到被厌恶的地步。
We are in a perpetually grey zone, and society isn't quite sure what to do with us. So they group us by the color of our skin.
我们永远都处于灰色地带，社会也不明确如何处理我们的问题。所以他们按我们的肤色来将我们分组。
They tell us that we must reject our own heritages, so we can fit in with the crowd. They tell us that our foreignness is the only identifying characteristic of us.
他们告诉我们我们必须拒绝自己的文化传统，这样我们才能做到迎合大众。他们告诉我们"外国人特性"是我们唯一有辨识度的特征。
They strip away our identities one by one, until we are foreign, but not quite foreign, American but not quite American, individual, but only when there are no other people from our native country around.
他们一步一步的剥夺我们的特征，到我们变成是说外国也不太外国化，直说美国也不是很美国化的个体为止，直到我们周围不再有来自我们本民族的人为止。
I wish that I had always had the courage to speak out about these issues. But coming from one culture that avoids confrontation, and another that is divided over race, how do I overcome the pressure to keep the peace, while also staying true to who I am?
我希望我总是有勇气去说出这些问题。但是来自一个避免冲突的国家，所处的另一个国家又是种族分歧，我如何在仍然保持真我的同时，去克服这些压力去维护和平。
And as much as I hate to admit it, often times I don't speak out, because, if I do, it's at the the risk of being told that I am too sensitive, or that I get offended too easily, or that it's just not worth it.
我超级讨厌去承认这些，好多次我都避而不提，因为如果我说起，我就会面临，被告知我太敏感，或者我太容易生气，或者我这样做不值得。
But I would point, are people willing to admit that? Yes, race issues are controversial. But that's precisely the reason why we need to talk about them.
但是我愿意指出，人们愿意去承认吗？是的，种族问题相当有争议。但是这恰恰是我们为什么需要去讨论它们的原因。
I just turned eighteen, and there are still so many things that I don't know about the world. But what I do know is that it's hard to admit that you might be part of the problem, that, all of us might be part of the problem.
我刚满18岁，对于这个世界我还有好多未知的事情。但是我知道很难承认，你可能处于这个问题中，我们每个人可能都是这个问题的一部分。
So, instead of giving you a step-by-step guide on how to not be racist towards Asians, I will let you decide what to take from this talk.
所以，比起给你们一步一步的指导如何不去歧视亚洲种族主义，我更愿意让你们自己决定你们从讲话中得到什么。
All I can do, is share my story. My name is Canwen, my favorite color is purple. And I play the piano, but not so much the violin. I have two incredibly supportive, hardworking parents, and one very awesome ten-year-old brother.
我所能做的，是分享我的故事。我是瞰文，我最喜欢的颜色是粉色。我弹钢琴以及了解一点点小提琴。我有两个难以置信的支援我的，努力工作的父母，和一个非常帅的10岁的弟弟。
I love calculus more than anything, despise eating rice, and I'm a horrendous driver. But most of all, I am proud of who I am.
我喜欢微积分胜于一切，除了吃大米以外，我是一个相当差劲的司机。但是最重要的是，我以我为豪。
A little bit American, a little bit Chinese, and a whole lot of both. Thank you.
一点点美国化，一点点中国化，二者兼具的整体。谢谢。