English Jokes

1. girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
   boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.

2. Doctor: your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
   Wife: When must I give them to him?
   Doctor: They are for you.

4. God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
   He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi .
   He saw me in dark, he created light .
   He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

5. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for
   lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made
a note, and
   posted on the apple tray "Take only one.
   God is watching."
   Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
large pile
   of chocolate chip cookies.
   A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the
apples."

6. One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
   MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
   SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
   MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
   SON : "One, all the chilldren hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
   MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
   SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
   MOM : "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your
responsibilities.
          Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.

7. What are the three fastest ways of communication?
   Three fastest means of communication in the world.
   Tele-phone
   Tele-vision
   Tell-a-woman.
   You still want faster?
   Tell her not to tell anyone :-)