It was when I was over 25 that I realized it’s time to do some recap and reflecton my lousy taste for men. It all happened so fast and ended so quickly. Like they always say, “easy come easy go.” Maybe it does have some point there.
Mr. White
Sophomore year I met Mr. White who sold me my very first laptop andturned out to be my very first not-so-official relationship. Ten years olderdid give him lots of edges while dealing with people, especially college naïvestudents who didn’t have any social experience like me. I guess I fell for himbecause of his kindness which the current me would easily define as politenessor his way of getting close to people. The way he treated me really wasn’t thatspecial, or nothing special at all I should say. Now as I recall, he’s merely ajerk who saw the opportunity of taking advantages and actually took it. Things ended in my quiet tears after he did horrible and nasty things to me. It hurtseven looking back. It took me two years to get over, to finally admit somethingbad happened to me and I had to let go to move on. I swear I hated his guts andknowing him was the worst nightmare I’d ever had that I had to pretend for avery long time that I never ever met him in my life. However, as much as memorycould be altered, the scars he left were never able to recover.
Mr. Naughty
Life should never equal a combination of work, family and friends. Thereare things that they can not replace—relationships. It was when I was least occupied by the above mentioned categories that I met Mr. Naughty. I could never believe I would “sleep” with a man that I met for the first time. I guessI was just too lonely and dying to have some company. While for him, all heever needed was sex which I could not offer. We met online and after firstnight of “sleeping” together I thought the morning light would force some sense into me. Turned out we stayed together for half a year afterwards, also thelongest relationship I’ve ever had. Mr. Naughty was quite easy to be with. Ifelt like me every minute he’s around. He could make me laugh in a stupid way.He was there for me during my darkest busiest time at work. He took care of mylife when I was so overwhelmed with work that I didn’t even have time toseriously look at him. But I made the decision after 3 weeks of being togetherthat I had to leave him. It took forever to finally make up my mind and never get back together. I could handle his small bad habits but I could never imagine a life with an irresponsible man who maxed each of his credit card andwas worried a bit when he was able to pay the money back; who, as the onlychild in the family, spoiled apparently, would like him mom to take care of his children if he had any; whose sole entertainment after work was laying back and playing with his cell phone. This might sound harsh but I swear it’s the truth.
Mr. Fatty
It becomes a pattern as to how I let myself get caught in bad relationships—alwayshas something to do with work. I met Mr. Fatty when I was working like a crazy person from 9 a.m till 4 a.m next morning and went back to work around 1 p.mthe same day. Also, my little brother had a car accident. Not wanting to watchmy mom worried sick, we kept this from her and I took care of it. Mr. Fatty andI met in a party where we were both brought in by the same friend, the girl living next to me. He took very good care of me which turned out very soon tobe intentional. It’s funny how for men, the sole motive of getting close towomen was getting laid. Mr. Fatty was a typical example. After he got what he wanted, he showed his true colors. He wouldn’t even try to impress me any more.The worst part was, he remembered each and every penny he spent (though mainly for dinner and gas fees) and felt he deserved my treating him back and could actually calmly purposely watch me pay. I decided a man as petty as he was wasindeed the lowest I could go and ended things in a month without any regret.
Mr. Cheat
Mr.Cheat was my coworker and things started when we were on a one-month businesstrip in the Philippines. He’s with his girlfriend and still he is now with her.But back then he would always talk about how unhappy he was with her cause his girlfriend didn’t seem to appreciate things he did for her and never seemed tocare for him and he was thinking about breaking up. He was so gentle, caringand thoughtful. Then one night, after a relaxing massage and a couple ofdrinks, on our way back to the hotel, he kissed me. I thought I was just too drunk to be delusional. Turned out it’s reality. The following couple of weekswas heaven and he said he would break up with her when we were back. But hedidn’t. The reasons I could gather by now are: firstly, he never really wanteda break-up. Once he proposed she became clingy and said how sorry she was andthe only reason she acted the way before was because she was worried he would leave her once he thought she’s completely his and wasn’t even worth trying.Secondly, turned out he’s the most rational man who would choose money overtrue love (not to say I am his truth love), which is exactly what his dad wantshim to do. Her family’s got good fortune and would be good for him once they’remarried. Truth to be told, I even started to doubt my self-worth because of his decision to eventually choose her over me. Then I thought, what kind of manwould cheat on his girlfriend and get to have it all and get away unharmedwhile hurting and lying to another innocent woman? It’s not because of I am notgood enough. He’s simply not worth it.
Mr. Divorced
Rushinginto “relationship” with Mr. Divorced was jumping from one mistake to another.Once I realized I couldn’t get over Mr. Cheat all by myself in a short time, Idecided I could use some help for distraction. My intention wasn’t entirelynon-judgmental. Mr. Divorced lied to me about his name, age, occupation and maritalstatus and confessed after spending a wonderful time with me for my birthday.He’s tall, handsome-looking and respectable at work—everything I was looking inthe perfect man I’m dreaming of. However, seems he only needs me to satiate hisneeds. But what he did was also confusing. If that is the case, he doesn’t really need to do all those sweet things for me—picking me up at the railwaystation when I am back in the city after family visit, or sending overmedicines knowing I was caught in a rain. I guess the feeling is mutual. He’stesting how serious I take this relationship and how I define it between us. Tobe honest, I wasn’t the perfect example. As much as I wanted things to get seriousbetween us, I acted the opposite. Now I’ve pretty much successfully “convinced”him that I wanted things to keep physical, which is entirely not my intention.We haven’t spoken for half a month after I lashing out to him that I had hadenough of such “vague” relationship going on between us and he continued toplay dumb and ask irrelevant questions. It was then I decided I didn’t want tomaintain things the way it is any more. I want to QUIT, completely out it. I’vebeen doing it so well and god help me, if he never reaches out to me, I guessthis is it—goodbye.
Well, feel free to judge me. I know I have a lousy taste for men and Iam not shying away from the truth. I simply hope I could become wiser moving forward.