【038】对长期伴侣保持欲望的秘诀|The secret to desire in a long-term relationship

Speaker：Esther Perel

Key words：性欲 爱 心理

Abstract：拥有vs 想要，安全感vs惊喜，面对长期关系，我们挣扎在两者之间。对长期伴侣保持欲望有两点秘诀：1、距离感 2、新奇

Content：

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good and committed sex two conflicting needs:

• our need for security and our need for surprise
• love is to have but desire is to want

screat/senerio to help increase your desire is to add new ingredion/new angle

• absence/reunite[phisical distance]
• novelty [show your different aspects/ find his new elemets]

Speak says:

Now, in this paradox between love and desire, what seems to be so puzzling is that the very ingredients that nurture love — mutuality, reciprocity, protection, worry, responsibility for the other — are sometimes the very ingredients that stifle desire. Because desire comes with a host of feelings that are not always such favorites of love: jealousy, possessiveness, aggression, power, dominance, naughtiness, mischief.

Link：TED|Open163