The Real I Want

I am preparing for the reexamine now. Some of the questions in  the English oral exam bother me a bit that is not because these topics are difficult really. I do feel uncomfortable that why I always tell a bullshit lie for nearly every answer!  

Oh, that's because I can say nothing more about the really feeling…maybe the real lives are so cough and comlex that I can't express them clearly in English, also maybe I fear to tell about the truth.

Although I know that the interviewers prefer to focus on my ability of the oral expression, but I still must submit the examination skills and rules, yet I have to hide real information.

Maybe you will laugh at me that I am overanxious, even looking prissy, yeah, may be.

This fucking feeling between reality and falsehood are not only exists in this exam, but also in many apects of my life, also called it the wide gap in reality and ideal. If not pulling on the gap to achieve a little balance, only can I tell the lies in the interviews or others in the future, and it seems realistic to speak of more times by myself.

It has been lasted for so long time that the situation must be changed.

One's original sin must redeem oneself.