一、Filling the Pool of Shared Meaning
当我们把观点，感觉，理论和经验代入谈话当中时，这就构成了我们独特的信息库，
Each of us enters conversations with our own opinions, feelings,theories, and experiences about the topic at hand.
This unique combination of thoughts and feelings makes up our personal pool of meaning.
This pool not only informs us but also propels our every action.
当人们开始谈话的时候，他们没有相同的信息库，他们观点不同。
When two or more of us enter crucial conversations, by definition we don't share the same pool.
Our opinions differ. I believe one thing, you another. I have one history, you another.
擅长谈话的人，明知人们的观点不同，但是愿意把人们拉入共同的信息库。
People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool-evenideas that at first glance appear controversial, wrong, or at odds with their own beliefs.
Now, obviously they don't agree with every idea;
they simply do their best to ensure that all ideas find their way into the open.
共同信息库的增加，能帮助人们有更好的选择，做更好的决定。
As the Pool of Shared Meaning grows, it helps people in two ways.
First, as individuals are exposed to more accurate and relevant information, they make better choices.
In a very real sense, the Pool of Shared Meaning is a measure of agroup's IQ.
The larger the shared pool, the smarter the decisions.
And even though many people may be involved in a choice.
when people openly and freely share ideas, the increased time investment is more than offset by the quality ofthe decision.
On the other hand, we've all seen what happens when the shared pool is dangerously shallow.
When people purposefully withhold meaning from one another,
individually smart people can do collectively stupid things
On the other hand, when people feel comfortable speaking up and meaning does flow freely,
the shared pool can dramatically increase a group's ability to make better decisions.
The Pool of Shared Meaningis the birthplace of synergy（协同；协同作用）.
共同的信息库不仅能帮助个人做出更好的选择，而且能够帮助组织中的个人更愿意执行组织中的决定，增加组员见的协同。
Not only does a shared pool help individuals make better choices,
but since the meaning is shared, people willingly act on whatever decisions they make.
As people sit through an opendiscussion where ideas are shared,
they take part in the free flowof meaning.
Eventually they understand why the shared solutionis the best solution,
and they're committed to act.
Conversely, when people aren't involved,
when they sit backquietly during touchy(过敏的；易生气的)conversations,
they're rarely committed tothe final decision.
Since their ideas remain in their heads andtheir opinions never make it into the pool,
they end up quietly criticizing and passively resisting.
Worse still, when others force their ideas into the pool,
people have a harder time accepting theinformation.
When stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong,
we're often atour worst.
In order to move to our best,
we have to find a way to explain what is in each of our personal pools of meaning-especially our high-stakes, sensitive, and controversial opinions, feelings, and ideas-and to get others to share their pools.
We have to develop the tools that make it safe for us to discuss theseissues and to come to a shared pool of meaning.
And when we do,our lives change.
二、Focus on what you really want
Remember that the only person you can directly control isyourself.
When you find yourself moving toward silence or violence,stop and pay attention to your motives.
• Ask yourself: "What does my behavior tell me about whatmy motives are?"
问一下你的行为动机是什么？
Our motives usually change without any conscious thought on our part.
When adrenaline does our thinking for us, our motives flow with the chemical tide.
In order to move back to motives that allow for dialogue,
you must step away from the interaction and look at yourself much like an outsider.
Ask yourself: "What am I doing, and if I had to guess, what does it tell me about my underlying motive?"
As you make an honest effort to discover your motive, youmight conclude: "Let's see. I'm pushing hard, making the argumentstronger than I actually believe, and doing anything to win.
I've shifted from trying to select a vacation location to trying to win an argument."
• Then, clarify what you really want. Ask yourself: "What doI want for myself? For others? For the relationship?"
澄清你想要什么？
The answer to what we really want helps us tolocate our own North Star.
Despite the fact that we're being temptedto take the wrong path by ( 1 ) people who are trying to pick afight,
(2) thousands of years of genetic hardwiring that brings ouremotions to a quick boil,
and (3) our deeply ingrained habit of tryingto win, our North Star returns us to our original purpose.
"What do I really want? Oh yeah, I guess it's not to makethe other person squirm or to preen in front of a crowd.
I want people to freely and openly talk about what it'll taketo cut costs."
The second reason for asking what we really want is no less important.
When we ask ourselves whatwe really want,
we affect our entire physiology.
As we introducecomplex and abstract questions to our mind,
the problem-solvingpart of our brain recognizes that we are now dealing withintricate social issues and not physical threats.
When we presentour brain with a demanding question,
our body sends preciousblood to the parts of our brain that help us think,
and away fromthe parts of our body that help us take flight or begin a fight.
Asking questions about what we really want serves two important purposes.
First, it reminds us of our goal.
Second, itjuices up our brain in a way that helps us keep focused.
• And finally, ask: "How would I behave if this were what Ireally wanted?"
如果这是我这是我真正想要的话，我将会怎么做。