Day 14 Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

1.  Words and phrases

1）"Boy, you are ungrateful!" he chides.

Chide: 责备; 责骂，斥责

仿写：She chided her son for not finishing his homework in time.

2) "I was totally dumbfounded," he told me. "I still am this morning.

Dumbfound: 使人哑然失声，使发楞;

仿写：He suddenly stopped the car in the middle of the road, that really dumbfounded me.

3）If your private performance doesn't square with your public performance, it's very hard for me to open up with you.

square with: （使） 与…相符; 对上号;

仿写：His action didn’t square with what he said.

2.  Thoughts

先学会去理解别人，再祈求获得别人理解。

我们都渴望被人理解，但是我们没有想到要想获得理解，你应该先去理解别人。只有这样的双向沟通，才能无往不利。听人说话很简单，设身处地却很难。书里提到了“Empathic listening”，听别人说话不止是用耳朵听，而且也要用眼睛和心去听。作者举了一个例子，孩子不开心，妈妈想理解为什么孩子不开心，但是一听到孩子不开心是因为不想上学时，妈妈就完全站在她自己的角度说服孩子一定要去上学，妈妈根本没有设身处地去聆听，去理解孩子。我们现实生活中存在这种现象的实在太多了。