When I was a postgraduate, I spend so much time worrying, worrying about different targets and plans. You see, I wanted to have a wonderful PhD study abroad, But I also wanted to have a terrific job offer once I would ever fail for the PhD plan. That was a complicated situation actually. Because if I wanted a PhD, I would need to focus so much on TOEFL and GRE tests, let alone the scientific research that could take tons of time. But if I wanted a good job offer, I would need to polish my CV for like a thousand of times to accommodate different requirements of different job positions. Sounds like a lot of work, right? Yes, I would have succeeded if I am smarter. But unfortunately I am not, so in the end I fail boths targets. Although I did get both kinds of offer, none of them was satisfactory. Finally, I took the job offer from an American company, PPG, which is still my current employer, but I still felt upset because I didn't get the PhD.
In my first year as a company employee, I was so busy, because I still wanted a PhD abroad. I worked on my unfinished scientific publications once I came back from work until midnight, so I always felt tired in the daytime. I even recited GRE words during worktime, so I could never truly focused on my job. My boss believed in my potential at the beginning, then he got very disappointed at my deliverables. I knew it, but I chose to ignore his feelings because I thought I wanted a PhD, until one day I annoyed the big boss by something. So who was the big boss then, the boss of my boss's boss. Imagine it, how frightening it was for a fresh employee. In that moment, I just fogot who I was and what I wanted, instead I wrote a long message to the big boss to apologize. Surprisingly, I received a longer and generous response. That is really a nice and decent gentelman. In his response, he showed empathy and he also apologized for his loss of temper. At the end, he said something that I can take as a life motto. He said, Lily, I do sugget you to always focus on what you do whatever situation you will be in.
Focus on what you do, focus on what I do. How awakening and enlightening it was for a fresh employee! Suddenly, I just came to realize my failure in postgraduate school. It's because I never truly focused on any target. Maybe the big boss is right. For an average person like me who has average IQ and energy, It's just not suitable and right to have multiple targets at one time. If I could focus on one target in one period, then I would devote all my attention and energy on one point, then I would have got a wonderful PhD candidate position or a wonderful job position, rather than being here, still fussing with different targets.
After thinking twice, I decided to quit the PhD plan and start focusing on my job. I worked very hard and tried to focus on what I did and every time I did my best. After one year and another, things started paying off. I've become an expert in the company. People in my work surroundings, including my peers and leaders, home and overseas, they trust me because they know I am professional and most importantly, they know I always focus on what I do and I always do my best. Because of that, I got a lot of trainings, resources and opportunities in the company. After working more than 5 years in the same company, I received some job offers from the outside markets. Now I am not worried any more, because I know what I can do and what I am good at, and most importantly, I always focus on what I do and I always do my best. Maybe I am a lucky person, but whenever I looked back, I know it's also because I made the right choice in that moment that I chose to focus on what I do.
Dear toastmasters, if you are worrying too much, if you think you are an average person like I am with average IQ and average energy, maybe it's time to focus on what you do. You can always start by doing something right, maybe focus on writing a good speech context, or maybe focus on being a responsible official, whatever it is, a VPE, treasure or SAA. The point is, once you start focusing on what you do, you'll always be able to do your best, and then you'll finally meet your better self in the future.