PART 1 Q & As
1. Why “happiness is a problem?
Life itself is a form of suffering, because even the rich suffer because of their riches, the happy people suffer because of their happiness, like the spoiled prince empty and valueless about his luxury life. There is a premise that happiness is like a equation, if I have X, then I can be happy, but this premise is a problem. Dissatisfaction and unease are inherent parts of human nature and they are necessary components to creating consistent happiness.
2. Why the author invented “Disappointment Panda”? What is it for?
The author invent "Disappointment Panda" to make people realize the greatest truths in life, the harsh truths about themselves that people need to hear but didn't want to accept. It's for explain the reason that we should not hope a life without pain or problems not only because it's impossible but also because pain or problem itself is useful and necessary.
3. What is the role that emotions play in our life? why they are overrated?
Emotions is a feedback mechanisms telling us that something is either likely right or likely wrong for us, then we know what should do. They are overrated because many people always deny it or trust it. Many people are taught to repress their emotions for various personal, social, or cultural reasons——particularly negative emotions，while many people trust their emotions blindly for making decisions.
4. Why you don’t have chiseled abs? (If you do have, how did you make it?)
Because I don't enjoy the struggles of gym, I don't like the daily drudgery of exercising. So actually I didn't want it. I like take exercise 3 to 4 times a week to keep a good figure and stay healthy but I'm not willing to do harsh training everyday to get chiseled abs and a muscular body.
PART 2 Expressions
1. He spoiled the child, lavishing him with food and gifts, surrounding him with servants who catered to his every whim.
lavish sb with sth: If you say that someone is lavish in the way they behave, you mean that they give, spend, or use a lot of something. [oft ADJ in/with n]
e.g. American reviewers are lavish in their praise of this book.
We were always lavish with financial aid in times of crisis.
Hug your children and lavish them with love.
2. When you solve your health problem by buying a gym membership, you create new problems, like having to get up early to get to the gym on time, sweating like a meth-head for thirty minutes on an elliptical, and then getting showered and changed for work so you don't stink up the whole office.
stink up: cause to smell bad; fill with a bad smell
e.g. "They really stink up," Kaulback says. "Sometimes at night it's really bad out here."
Nobody wants to watch your science projects blossom mold or begin to stink up the communal space.
类似表达：smell up e.g. The dirty socks smelled up the whole room.
3. Much of the self-help world is predicated on peddling highs to people rather than solving legitimate problems.
legitimate: If you say that something such as a feeling or claim is legitimate, you think that it is reasonable and justified.
e.g. The New York Times has a legitimate claim to be a national newspaper.
Politicians are legitimate targets for satire.
4. We all have our chosen methods to numb the pain of our problems, and in moderate doses there is nothing wrong with this.
moderate doses: 适度计量
5. Whether you suffer from anxiety or loneliness or obsessive compulsive disorder or a dickhead boss who ruins half of your waking hours every day, the solution lies in the acceptance and active engagement of that negative experience——not the avoidance of it, not the salvation from it.
obsessive compulsive disorder: 强迫症
e.g. Scientists have shown falling in love is like a form of obsessive compulsive disorder, without the constant housework.
But it’s extremely time consuming, and difficult to keep up on it unless you have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).
dickhead: an offensive word for a stupid annoying person, especially a man.
e.g. Don’t be such a dickhead!
Don't call me a dickhead , you dickhead.
近义词：shithead, simple, turkey, wanker, numbskull
salvation: The salvation of someone or something is the act of saving them from harm, destruction, or an unpleasant situation.
e.g. A poor, lost, lonely woman clinging for salvation to a son whom she knew was as lost as she was.
...those whose marriages are beyond salvation.
6. Despite my fantasizing about this for over half my lifetime, the reality never came to fruition.
came to fruition: realize, come true
e.g. Everything you've worked for during your college career has come to fruition.
The incubator provides some interesting projects that might come to fruition in the near future.
7. The common cultural narratives would tell me that I somehow failed myself, that I'm a quitter or a loser, that I just didn't "have it", that I gave up on my dream and that maybe I let myself succumb to the pressures of society.
succumb to: to stop opposing someone or something that is stronger than you, and allow them to take control.
e.g. Gina succumbedtotemptation and had a second serving of cake.
The Minister said his country would never succumb to pressure.
He finally succumbed to Lucy's charms and agreed to her request.
8. Look, I don’t mean to make light of your midlife crisis or the fact that your drunkdad stole your bike when you were eight years old and you still haven’t gotten over it.
make light of sth: (这里的light 是adj.) to joke about sth or
treat it as not being very serious, especially when it is important 轻描淡写
She tried to make light of the situation, but I could tell that she wasworried.
相似表达：downplay/ understate: to make sth seemless important than it really is
White House officials attempted to downplay the president's role in theaffair.
The press have tended to understate the extent of the problem.
补充：make light work of sth：to do sth or deal withsomething quickly and easily
A freezer and microwave oven can make light work of cooking.
9. You may salivate at the thought of a problem-free life full of everlasting happiness and eternal compassion, but back here on earth the problems never cease.
salivate: [ˈsælɪveɪt] (v.) 流口水
salivate at/ over sth: to look at or show interest in sth or sb in a way that shows you like or want
them very much, used to show disapproval 对...垂涎三尺
The media aresalivating over the story.
saliva [səˈlaɪvə] (n.) 口水
salivation: （n.）流口水
PART 3 Thoughts
One of those realizations was this: that life itself is a form of suffering. The rich suffer because of their riches. The poor suffer because of their poverty. People without a family suffer because they have no family. People with a family suffer because of their family. People who pursue worldly pleasures suffer because of their worldly pleasures. People who abstain from worldly pleasures suffer because of their abstention.
“生活就是一场苦难”这个道理我们总是听，但是总是忘记或者不愿意去相信，总是更愿意抱着可以永远开心或者一劳永逸的幻想，羡慕比我们好看、有钱、成绩好......的人，但其实每个人都在生活里suffering, nobody dies virgin because life fuck us all. 刚上大学那会儿喜欢上了看一些心理学的书，尤其是跟“原生家庭”、“亲密关系”有关的，《为何家会伤人》、《中毒的父母》等等，因为从小一直觉得自己的家庭不幸福，父母关系不好，很羡慕那些看上去家庭生活很美满幸福、父母很相爱的人，总觉得自己的性格有些不太好的地方，比如自己的偏执、情绪化、多愁善感等等，都是因为家庭的不幸福导致的，看了这些书感觉越发明白家庭的不幸福、父母的种种过错带给我了什么样的负面影响。但明白了这些以后也并没有让我对生活和自我获得更好的感觉，反而越发陷入这种成长过程中家庭不幸福的叙事里，觉得在自己人生的formative years父母带给了我太多负面影响，似乎现在已经无法改变了，内心对充满爱的家庭的渴望的黑洞也是无法填满的，跟父母之间的关系也越来越糟糕，对他们充满愤怒、责怪。但后来渐渐明白自己其实是陷入了一种受害者叙事里无法自拔，就是作者所说的Victim Mentality. 真正的成长是理解了自己曾经经历的这些suffering之后可以跳脱出来，以旁观者的角度去看自己曾经的遭遇，更进一步的成长是成为改变者／影响者，去帮助那些跟你有同样经历的人摆脱痛苦。在做一些跟家庭暴力相关的公益时，我才真正意识到其实自己的家庭已经算是比较幸福的了，至少我没有遭受过来自父母直接的语言暴力、肢体暴力和精神暴力，每个家庭都有自己的问题、困境、不幸，没必要把自己经历过的所谓的”原生家庭伤害“看得那么重，父母可以影响我们，当我们成长为更好的人以后，我们也可以影响他们。所谓幸福完美的家庭可能只是童话，现实中我们总要经历跟家人之间的冲突、不解、互相伤害，和一次次原谅、真情流露、试图和解，so just don't give too much fucks about "happy family" and “family-of-origins injury”.