宾大教授 Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg 在PCE Club 2015年年会的主题讲座记录
英文记录整理：黄敏
中文翻译：Taili Zhuang，张景山
This is my notes about Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg’s keynote speech at PCE 2015 Annual Parents Conference
Conference Topic：Authentic Success: Raising Children and Adolescents Who are Prepared to Thrive
Part III Your long term goal - Building a Healthy Adult
Your long term goal - Building a Healthy Adult
Your short term goal - Having your Child Love Learning - when you put too much pressure on your child, they stop love of learning. It is lifelong love of learning make people success.
Your medium term goal - Having Your Child to Find the Right Match to Foster the Love of Learning - it is not Ivy leagues, it is finding the match that makes your heart sing, make you love to learn.
Telling kids what is wrong doesn't help, but showing what is the right way to do make the difference.
If you honor their independence, they will come back.
"I want to you to be independent, I want you to have freedom, but you need to earn it", if you say this way, they feel large, they feel in control of their behavior, know that you support their independence, and will want to be interdependent with you over a lifetime.
The reason sometimes teenagers are tough,something they pretend they don't love us; it is because they love us so much that hurts. When you know that, deep down you can get through anything. If you insert the control, they would never want to come back. But if you give them the independence, let them spread their wings, make sure they are safe，they would soar around and will come back for landings, they will come back to you in life time.
Love children for who they are, not for what they produce, this is the most protective force in any child's life!
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
With all the said about the resilience, you as a parents, you're going to have your limits, your kids are going to drive you crazy, sometimes, that is true, what are you going to do when your tolerance reaches the limits, first, you're going to fall back on loving your kids, give yourself the time to remember who they are, who they really are, catching them being good, hold them to the high expectation in terms of who they really are, to find out who they really are, to change your view on what a high-yield time with your kids is, as long as you think the high-yield time is supporting what they produce, meaning their grades and their trophies, you're not going to know who they are. The highest yield time with your kids is sitting around and cuddling, sitting around and having dinner;talking about nothing but seeing what is on their mind, this is the highest-yield time, in fact, it is going to make them produce more, trust me.Focusing on what they produce might get them excited now, but it's going to have them shut down later, or might have them shut down now.
Having them to figure who they want to be, how they want to contribute, what they bring to the world, these are kinds of things that is going to produce incredible successful kids.
The greatest gift you can give to your child is taking care of yourself. When you take care of yourself, you model resilience, you model happiness, you model a strong adult who cares, a strong adult who loves, a strong adult who has meaning in their lives.
When we focus our entire life on kids, we are not making being 40, 50 look good, and kids are not excited about growing up.
Thank you so much!
About Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg: Kenneth R. Ginsburg, MD, MS Ed, FAAP, is an award winning author and a Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine. Additionally, He serves as the external National Resilience Expert for The Boys and Girls Club of America and works with National Congress of American Indians in its efforts to build resilience in indigenous youths.
His most recent books include, “Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings”, and “Raising Kids to Thrive: Balancing Love With Expectations and Protection With Trust”, both published by The American Academy of Pediatrics. The theme that ties together his clinical practice, teaching, research and advocacy efforts is that of building on the strengths of teenagers by fostering their internal resilience. He strives to translate the best of what is known from research and practice into practical approaches that parents, professionals and communities can use to build resilience.