day20-The road less traveled

             The group made the salesman aware in no uncertain terms that his tendency to avoid problem-solving by ignoring a problem in the hope that it would go away was in itself his major problem.Four months later,in the early autumn,the salesman fulfilled a fantasy by rather suddenly quitting his sales job and starting his own furniture-repair business,which would not require him to travel.The group deplored the fact that he was putting all his eggs in one basket and also questioned the wisdom of making the move with winter coming on,but the salesman assured them he would make enough to get by in his new business.The subject was dropped.Then in early February he announced that he would have to quit the group because he could no longer pay the fee.He was dead broke and would have to start looking for another job.In five months he had repaired a total of eight pieces of furniture.When asked why he hadn't started looking for a job sooner,he replied:"I knew six weeks ago that I was running through my money fast,but somehow I couldn't believe that it would come to this point.The whole thing just didn't seem very urgent,but,boy,it's urgent now."He had,of course,ignored his problem.Slowly it began to dawn on him that until he solved his problem of ignoring problems he would never ge beyond step on--even with all the psychotherapy in the world.

                这个小组使推销员毫不含糊地意识到他的倾向于逃避解决问题通过忽视一个问题希望它会自行消失这本身就是他的主要问题。四个月后，初秋，推销员突然放弃销售工作，实现了一个幻想，开始了自己的家具修理生意，不需要他去旅行。这个小组强烈反对他把所有的鸡蛋放在了一个篮子里这一事实而且质疑冬天迁徙并非明智之举，但是推销员向他们保证，他会赚足够的钱在他的新生意上。主题被放弃了。然后在二月初他宣布他必须退出这个小组因为他再也付不起费用了。他身无分文，不得不开始寻找另一份工作。五个月来，他一共修了八件家具。当被问及为什么他没有开始找工作的时候，他回复：“我知道六星期前我将很快就把钱花完了，但不知怎的，我不敢相信它会达到这一点。整个事情似乎并不十分紧迫，但是，小伙子，现在很紧急了。”当然，他忽略了他的问题。慢慢地，他开始明白了除非他解决了被他忽略的问题否则他永远不会踏上台阶--即使是世界上所有的心理治疗。

            This inclination to ignore problems is once again a simple manifestation of an unwillingness to delay gratification.Confronting problem is,as I have said,painful.To willingly confront a problem early,before we are forced to confront it by circumstances,means to put aside something pleasant or less painful for something more painful.It is choosing to suffer now in the hope of future gratification rather than choosing to continue present gratification in the hope that future suffering will not be necessary.

            这种忽视问题的倾向又是一种不愿延迟满足的简单表现。面对问题是，如我所述，痛苦的。早早地面对一个问题，在我们被迫面对环境之前，意思是把愉快的或不太痛苦事情先放在更痛苦的事后面。它选择了现在受苦，希望未来满足而不是选择继续现在的满足奢望未来的痛苦不再降临。

            It may seem that the salesman who ignored such obvious problems was emotionally immature or psychologically primitive,but,again,I tell you he is everyman and his immaturity and primitiveness exist in us all. A great general,commander of any army,once told me,"The single greatest problem in this army,or I guess in any organization,is that most of the executives will sit looking at problems in their units,staring them right in the face,doing nothing,as if these problems will go away if they sit there long enough."The general wasn't talking about the mentally weak or abnormal.He was talking about other generals and senior colonels,mature men of proven capability and trained in discipline.

            似乎那个忽视了这些明显问题的推销员是情感上不成熟的或心理原始，但，再一次，我告诉你们他是我们每个人而且他的不成熟和原始性存在于我们每个人身上。一个伟大的将军，军队的指挥官，曾经告诉我，"这个军队最大的问题,或我想在任何一个组织，情况是大多数管理者在他们岗位上坐视问题发生，盯着他们的脸，什么也不做，好像那些问题会自行消失如果他们坐在那里足够长时间的话。"将军不是在谈论弱智或变态。他在谈论其他将领和大校，受过良好训练并有纪律的成熟男人。

                Parents are executives,and despite the fact that they are usually ill-prepared for it,their task can be every bit as complex as directing a company or corporation.And like the army executives,most parents will perceive problems in their children or in their relationship with their children for months or years before they take any effective action,if they ever do."We thought maybe he would grow out of it," the parents say as they come to the child psychiatrist with a problem of five year's duration.And with respect for the complexity of parenting,it must be said that parental decisions are difficult,and that children often do "grow out of it ." But it almost never hurts to try to help them grow out of it or to look more closely at the problem.And while children often "grow out of it ," often they do not;and as with so many problems,the longer children's problems are ignored,the larger they become and the more painful and difficult to solve.

            父母是管理者，尽管事实如此，他们通常准备不足，他们的任务可能和指导公司或公司一样复杂。就像军队的管理者一样，大多数父母会察觉到孩子或他们关系中的问题在和他们的孩子相处数月或数年在采取任何有效行动之前，如果他们曾经这样做。“我们以为他会自己长大，”当他们来到儿童精神科医生时，父母说有历时五年的问题。尊重父母教养的复杂性，必须说父母的决定是困难的，孩子们经常“长大”。但几乎从来没有试图无伤害地帮助他们从中成长，或者更仔细地看问题。而孩子们往往“从中长大”，他们通常没有；和许多问题一样,儿童的问题被忽视的时间越长，他们变得越大，越痛苦，越难解决。