每周一本书006 Option B by Sheryl Sandberg

Option B by Sheryl Sandberg

为什么读这本书？

有太多理由要读这本书了：我家女神Sheryl的书。Facing adversity是我最近非常关注的一个主题。fb的读书俱乐部推荐等等。因为是英文版所以读了超过一个月，完全打破了我每周一本书的计划。这本书里有很多Sheryl的智慧，也有很多次让我非常感动。

我的三个得到：今天有四个 ：）

1. 理想情感状态的文化差异

All over the world, there is cultural pressure to conceal negative emotions. In China and Japan, the ideal emotional state is calm and composed. In the United States, we like excitement(OMG!) and enthusiasm(LOL!).

这一段Sheryl是在讲全世界的文化都试图避免负面情绪，从而当不幸降临在一个人身上时，他周围的人也会试图避免这个话题。但亚洲和美国文化这里的对比却让我豁然开朗。当美国同事问我“How are you”的时候，我能感受到他们对于“Excitement”的期待，但我在多数时候会倾向于给出非常平静的回答。

2. 当你想要开启一段真正的心灵对话...

What worked best for me was when people said, "I'm here if you ever want to talk. Like now. Or later. Or in the middle of the night. Whatever would help you." Instead of making assumptions about whether or not someone wants to talk, it's best to offer an opening and see if they take it.

3. Growth mindset VS Fixed mindset

Children respond better to adversity when they have a growth mindset instead of a fixed one. A fixed mindset means viewing abilities as something we're either born with or not: "I'm a whiz at math but don't have the drama gene." When kids have a growth mindset, they see abilities as skills that can be learned and developed. They can work to improve. "I may not be a natural actor, but if I rehearse enough I can shine on the stage."

这一段让我反思自己。过去我会给自己贴标签说我不擅长数学和物理，把问题归结于我没有天赋，而忽略掉其实是我在这上投入的不够多。我认为我们有可能天生的喜欢某些科目不喜欢另一些，但这些不该成为你成功的阻碍，如果投入更多，即使没有天赋，你也可以闪闪发光。“大多数人努力的程度，还不到拼天赋的时候”。

4. 人们最大的后悔，是没有去做，而并不是失败

Of the hundreds of answers, most had one thing in common: the majority of regrets were about failures to act, not actions that failed. Psychologists have found that over time we usually regret the chances we missed, not the chances we took.

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我觉得这是一本非常有启示的书，Sheryl讲述了在丈夫意外去世后大约一年的时间里她的旅程，结合了许多研究数据，详细记录了丧偶，以及更广阔的问题--面对困境时的心理和应对方法。我会推荐给身处逆境的人们。我们都不希望意外发生，我们也都希望那个人还在，我们希望一切顺顺利利，但当不幸发生的时候，这是我们的option B.