独居的社交圈子
试想,如果独居的你落难了,多久会有人发现?细思极恐啊!
独居,不等于离群索居,我们还是有自己独特的社交圈子的。
We all want to be loved(and noticed, and missed, in the manhole scenario) but then you live alone your solar system of relationships is different to other people's.
独居的我们,就像钟摆一样,在独居生活和群居生活之间来回摇摆。
Research has clearly shown that people who live alone are more sociable than those who live with other people.
1 忠于自己(yourself)
It's the most important relationship in the world: the one you have with yourself. You're the one.
tips:
1) Be a friend to yourself
我们每天会有约50,000个想法,所以要确保这些想法都是kind,拒绝negative dialogue。
If you have the capacity to love someone else, you have the capacity to love yourself.
2) Don't be so hard on yourself
不要对自己有过高的要求,少些挫败感!
Replace your mile-long 'to to' list with a 'done' list and watch your levels of satisfaction rise.
3) Keep a self-esteem scrapbook
有一本手账,记录生活中温情的一面,心情不好时翻翻,给自己鼓励与力量。
On grey days, it's amazing what a boost it is to read them.
4) Hold your defining image
想象自己最幸福时是什么样子的,找到内心最真实的自己。
It could be a real photo or just an image in your head, but it should help remind you of the great soul you are, especially on dark days when you might be walking in tar and feel emotionally mugged.
5) Identify the essence of you
独居,是探寻自我的绝佳机会,不断地挖掘内心最真实的自己。
6) Ditch regrets and blame
生活中少些抱怨与悔恨,少往回看,多向前看。
7) Acquire a new skill
不断地学习新技能,比如一门新语言,拳击,戏曲欣赏,舞蹈等。
8) Set yourself a goal and accomplish it
不断给自己定立小目标,比如减重5公斤,每天吃五份水果和蔬菜,并且着力实现这些小目标,不断地鼓励自己,增强成就感,内心小宇宙会越来越强的。
9) Celebrate your birthday
每年给自己过生日,为自己买个小礼物,吃个午餐什么的,爱自己要有仪式感!
2. 家人(family)
作者告诉我们,要多跟家人沟通,加强彼此的联系,但是要把自己最闪亮的一面展示给他们,不要变成他们同情的对象,别让家人担心自己。
3.朋友(friends)
独居,不等于没有朋友。
Friends are a gift you give yourself and when you live alone they get pushed higher up your personal totem pole of relationships.
真正的朋友会站在你的立场考虑你的问题,理解你的感受,跟你站在同一战壕里,让你感觉自己不再孤单。
作者还罗列了很多怎么维系友谊的小船的小tips,不再赘述,有兴趣的可以自己翻书!
作者还说,有了老朋友,也别忘记结交新朋友,不断更新自己的内心小生态,保持生活的常新,永葆生命的鲜活与多维度。
4.爱(romance)
曾经的爱人已不再,就不要再怀恋;前路漫漫,我们还要继续。
Forgiveness is not about them; it's about you.
接受既定事实,尝试随遇而安。
5.社区(village)
建立自己的圈子,不仅仅是为了让别人记住你,而是以备不时之需,可以向附近的人寻求帮助。
这章告诉我们,单身不等于孤单,建立了自己的生态圈,让自己生活在温暖当中,来自家人的关怀,朋友的呵护,邻里的安慰,会让我们感觉更有安全感,也更自信!