One
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but that’s no use if you live in New York City.
—Eva
“We cannot send two turtledoves! I know he’s proposing at Christmas and he thinks it’s romantic, but it won’t be romantic when the room is covered in bird droppings. The venue will blacklist us and the love of his life will say no to his question, which will not give us the happy-ever-after we’re all hoping for.” Moving her phone to a more comfortable position against her ear, Eva Jordan snuggled deeper into her coat. Beyond the windows of the cab the snow was still falling steadily, defying attempts of those who tried to clear it. The more they shoveled the more fell, or so it seemed. In a contest between man and the elements, man was most definitely losing. The snowstorm almost obliterated her view of Fifth Avenue, the glittering shop windows muted and veiled by the falling flakes. “I’ll help him reframe his idea of ‘romantic,’ and it won’t include calling birds, hens of any nationality, nor geese, laying or otherwise. And while we’re on the subject, one gold ring is more than enough. Who needs five? He wants exceptional, not excessive, and the two are not the same.”
As always, Paige was practical. “Laura has been dreaming about this moment since she was a little girl. He’s under pressure to make this perfect.”
“I’m pretty sure her dream didn’t include a menagerie of wildlife. I’ll come up with a plan, and it will be spectacular. No one does romance better than I do.”
“Except when it’s for yourself.”
“Thanks for reminding me my love life is extinct.”
“You’re welcome. And having agreed on the facts, perhaps you’d like to tell me what you intend to do about it.”
“Nothing at all. And we are not having this conversation again.” Eva delved into her bag and pulled out her notebook. “Can we get back to business? We have a month until Christmas.”
“We don’t have enough time to create anything elaborate.”
“It doesn’t need to be elaborate. It needs to be emotional. She needs to be overwhelmed by his words and the meaning behind them. Wait—” Eva tapped her pen on the page. “They met in Central Park, didn’t they? Dog-walking?”
“Yes but, Ev, the park is buried under two feet of snow and it’s still falling. A proposal there could end in a trip to the emergency room. That could be memorable for all the wrong reasons.”
“Leave it with me. I’ll have plenty of time to think about it over the next two days because I’ll be on my own in this guy’s apartment decorating and filling his freezer ready for his return from the wilds.” She made a note to herself and then slid the notebook back into her bag.
“You’re working too hard, Ev.”
“I cannot believe I’m hearing that from you.”
“Even I take time off to chill occasionally.”
“I must have missed that. And in case you hadn’t noticed, our business is growing fast.”
“You taking an evening off to go on a hot date isn’t going to stop it growing.”
“Thank you, but there is one teeny tiny drawback to your plan. I don’t have a hot date. I don’t even have a lukewarm date.”
“Do you think you should try online dating again?”
“I hate online dating. I prefer meeting people in other ways.”
“But you’re not meeting people at all! You work. You go to bed with your teddy bear.”
“It’s a stuffed kangaroo. Grams gave it to me when I was four.”
“That explains why it looks exhausted. It’s time you replaced it with a flesh-and-blood man, Eva.”
“I love that kangaroo. He never lets me down.”
“Honey, you need to get out. How about that banker guy? You liked him.”
“He never called when he said he was going to call. Life is stressful enough without waiting around wondering if a guy you’re not even sure you like is going to call you and invite you on a date you’re not even sure you want to go on.”
“You could have called him.”
“I did. He screened my calls.” Eva stared out of the window. “I don’t mind chasing after a dream when it’s about building our business and our future, but I’m not chasing after a man. And anyway, everyone knows you never find love when you go looking for it. You have to wait for it to find you.”
“What if it can’t find you because you never leave your apartment?”
“I’ve left my apartment! I’m here, on Fifth Avenue.”
“Alone. To stay in another apartment. Alone. Think of all the great sex you’re missing. At this rate you’ll meet Mr. Right when you’re eighty and have no teeth and dodgy hips.”
“Plenty of people have good sex when they’re eighty. You just have to be creative.” Ignoring the hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach, Eva leaned forward to talk to the cabdriver. “Can you make a stop at Dean & DeLuca? If this storm is as bad as they’re predicting, I need to pick up a few extra things.”
Paige was still talking. “I’ve barely seen you over the past two weeks. It’s been crazy busy. I know this is a tough time of year for you. I know you miss your grandmother.” Her voice softened. “Do you want me to come by after work and keep you company?”
She was so tempted to say yes.
They’d open a bottle of wine, curl up in their pajamas and talk. She’d confess how bad she felt a lot of the time, and then—
And then what?
Eva looked down at her lap. She didn’t want to be that friend. The one who constantly whined and moaned. The burden. And anyway, telling her friends how bad she felt wasn’t going to change anything, was it?
Her grandmother would be ashamed.
“You have meetings downtown and then that dinner thing with Jake.”
“I know, but I could easily—”
“You’re not canceling.” She said it quickly, before she could be tempted to change her mind. “I’ll be fine.”
“If the weather wasn’t so bad you could come home and stay here tonight and then go back tomorrow, but they’re saying the storm is going to be a big one. Much as I hate to think of you all alone there, I think it’s better that you don’t travel.”
Eva chewed her lip. It didn’t matter where she was, her feelings stayed the same. She had no idea if it was normal to feel this way. She’d never lost anyone close to her before, and she and her grandmother had been more than close. She’d been gone a little over a year and the wound was as fresh and painful as if the loss had happened only the day before.
It was because of her that Eva had grown up feeling safe and secure. She owed her grandmother everything, although she knew that there was no way of attaching a value to something so priceless. Her payment, although she knew none had ever been asked for, wanted or expected, was to get out of bed every day and live the life her grandmother had wanted her to live. Make her proud.
If she was here right now, her grandmother wouldn’t be proud.
She’d tell her that she was spending far too many nights alone in her apartment with only Netflix and hot chocolate for company.
Her grandmother had loved hearing about Eva’s romantic adventures. She would have wanted her to go out and meet people even if she felt sad. To begin with she’d tried to do just that, but lately her social life revolved round her friends and business partners, Paige and Frankie. It was easy and comfortable, even though both of them were now crazily in love.
It was ironic that she, the romantic one, led the least romantic life.
She stared out of the window through the white swirl of flakes to the darkening sky. She felt disconnected. Lost. She wished she didn’t feel everything so deeply.
Still, at least she was busy. This was their first holiday season since the three of them had set up Urban Genie, their event and concierge business, and they were busy.
Her grandmother would have been proud of what she’d achieved in her work.
Celebrate every small thing, Eva, and live in the moment.
Eva blinked to clear her misted vision.
She hadn’t been doing that, had she? She lived her life looking forward, planning, juggling. She rarely paused for breath or to appreciate the moment. She’d been running for a year, through a freezing winter, a balmy spring, a sweltering summer and, here now, full circle, to another winter. She’d muscled through, pushing the seasons behind her, moving forward step by step. She hadn’t lived in the moment because she hadn’t liked the moment she was living in.
She’d done her best to be strong and keep smiling, but it had been the toughest year of her life.
Grief, she thought, was a horrible companion.
“Ev?” Paige’s voice echoed down the phone. “Are you still there? I’m worried about you.”
Eva closed her eyes and pulled herself together. She didn’t want her friends to worry about her. What had her grandmother taught her?
Be the sunshine, Eva, not the rain.
She never, ever, wanted to be the black cloud in anyone’s day.
Opening her eyes, she smiled. “Why are you worried about me? It’s snowing. If this blizzard eases I’ll go across to the park and build a snowman. If I can’t find a guy in real life, at least I can build a decent one out of snow.”
“You are going to build yourself a sexy guy?”
“I am. With broad shoulders and great abs.”
“And no doubt you won’t be using the carrot for his nose.”
Eva grinned. “I was thinking maybe a cucumber for that part of his anatomy.”
Paige was laughing, too. “You’re so demanding it’s no wonder you’re single. And, by the way, you have the sense of humor of a five-year-old.”
“It’s the reason we’ve been friends forever.”
“It’s good to hear you laugh. Christmas used to be your favorite time of year.”
It was true. She’d always loved it. Every smiling Santa, every happy note of music that played in the stores and every sparkly snowflake. She especially loved the snowflakes. They made her think of sleigh rides and snowmen.
To Eva, snow had always seemed magical.
Enough, she thought. Enough.
“It still is my favorite time of year.” She didn’t need to wait until New Year’s Eve to make a resolution.
She was going to get out there and live every day the way her grandmother would have wanted her to live it. Starting right now.
* * *
Christmas.