### TMC 2
I’m afraid of social conatacts so I tired to avoid them. I think many members of this clud do have similar issues like me.
We may feel nervous to commnucate with others, like to ask others to help us, even when we are only trying to protect our own legitimate interests.
If someone shows their hostile attitude to me, I would feel very uncomfortable and want to run away. I am afraid of facing such kind of situations, and I will blame myself unconsciously for other’s negative emotions, I would think that I must did something wrong to make that happened. I saw an unrealistic assumption here, that I think “If I did everything right, I would make everybody feels happy.”, but as you can see, it’s not true, I can’t decide how people feels or how they express their emotions, it’s not something that I can control. My performance is only one of the many factors that will influence others’ attitude towrds me, and maybe in many cases, it’s not the most significant factor.
I know two person in my life who can gave exellent public speeches, one of them is a famous psychologist, who is also a teacher at TsingHua university. Another one is a writer, and she is my friend. They made lots of great public speeches, and they have something in common, they all have social-phobia. So this fact tells me that though we may have lots of different social issues due to our own experiences, but having these issues doesn’t means we can’t giving good public speeches or have good communication with others. I mean, this reminds me my practical goal is to improve my interpersonal skills with my social-phobia.
I also realised that an awkward performance is nearly unavoidable at the begining, as no one was born to swim like Phillips, to aquire proficient interpersonal skills also requires time and practice. This a common sense. The hard part is to build a mechanism to help us to handle those negative feedbacks we received during our practice. This self-protect mechanism varies bewteen different people, but as we have the awareness to build such a mechanism for ourselves, we are more likely to make consistent progress. I’ll share my own self-protect methods in future speeches.