按：本文为多年前的一篇翻译习作。当年在《纽约客》杂志上读到Etgar Keret的小说，惊为天人。作者擅长用寥寥几笔就勾勒出一个想象力爆炸的故事，很对我的胃口（有点像彭浩翔早期作品的感觉）。本文虽然是个小短篇但韵味无穷，尤其是最后一个场景非常震撼。Enjoy！
Crazy Glue
© Etgar Keret
‘What did you buy it for?’
‘Because I need it,’ she said. ‘A lot of things around here need gluing.’
‘Nothing around here needs gluing,’ I said. ‘I wish I understood why you buy all this stuff.’
‘For the same reason I married you,’ she murmured. ‘To help pass the time.’
I didn’t want to fight, so I kept quiet, and so did she.
‘Is it any good, this glue?’ I asked. She showed me the picture on the box, with this guy hanging upside-down from the ceiling.
‘No glue can really make a person stick like that,’ I said. ‘They just took the picture upside-down. They must have put a lamp on the floor.’ I took the box from her and peered at it. ‘And there, look at the window. They didn’t even bother to hang the blinds the other way. They’re upside down, if he’s really standing on the ceiling. Look,’ I said again, pointing to the window. She didn’t look.
‘It’s eight already,’ I said. ‘I’ve got to run.’ I picked up my briefcase and kissed her on the cheek. ‘I’ll be back pretty late. I’m working—’
‘Overtime,’ she said. ‘Yes, I know.’
I called Abby from the office.
‘I can’t make it today,’ I said. ‘I’ve got to get home early.’
‘Why?’ Abby asked. ‘Something happen?’
‘No … I mean, maybe. I think she suspects something.’
There was a long silence. I could hear Abby’s breathing on the other end.
‘I don’t see why you stay with her,’ she whispered. ‘You never do anything together. You don’t even fight. I’ll never understand it.’ There was a pause, and then she repeated, ‘I wish I understood.’ She was crying.
‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Abby. Listen, someone just came in,’ I lied. ‘I’ve got to hang up. I’ll come over tomorrow. I promise. We’ll talk about everything then.’
I got home early. I said ‘Hi’ as I walked in, but there was no reply. I went through all the rooms in the house. She wasn’t in any of them. On the kitchen table I found the tube of glue, completely empty. I tried to move one of the chairs, to sit down. It didn’t budge. I tried again. Not an inch. She’d glued it to the floor. The fridge wouldn’t open. She’d glued it shut. I didn’t understand what was happening, what would make her do such a thing. I didn’t know where she was. I went into the living-room to call her mother’s. I couldn’t lift the receiver; she’d glued that too. I kicked the table and almost broke my toe. It didn’t even budge.
And then I heard her laughing. It was coming from somewhere above me. I looked up, and there she was, standing barefoot on the living room ceiling.
I stared openmouthed. When I found my voice I could only ask, ‘What the hell… are you out of your mind?’
She didn’t answer, just smiled. Her smile seemed so natural, with her hanging upside-down like that, as if her lips were just stretching on their own by the sheer force of gravity.
‘Don’t worry, I’ll get you down,’ I said, hurrying to the shelf and grabbing the largest books. I made a tower of encyclopedia volumes and clambered on top of the pile.
‘This may hurt a little,’ I said, trying to keep my balance. She went on smiling. I pulled as hard as I could, but nothing happened. Carefully, I climbed down.
‘Don’t worry,’ I said. ‘I’ll get the neighbours or something. I’ll go next door and call for help.’
‘Fine,’ she laughed. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
I laughed too. She was so pretty, and so incongruous, hanging upside-down from the ceiling that way. With her long hair dangling downwards, and her breasts moulded like two perfect teardrops under her white T-shirt. So pretty. I climbed back up onto the pile of books and kissed her. I felt her tongue on mine. The books tumbled out from under my feet, but I stayed floating in midair, hanging just from her lips.
疯狂胶水
“ 你买它干嘛？”
“因为我需要，”她说，“这儿很多东西需要粘起来。”
“这儿没有什么需要粘，”我说，“我搞不懂你为什么买这玩意儿。”
“我也不知道当初为什么嫁给你，”她喃喃地说道，“也许为了虚度光阴吧。”
我不想跟她吵，所以我保持沉默，她也是。
“很好吗，这胶水？”我问。她给我看了包装盒上的图片，一个人头朝下粘在天花板上。
“没有胶水可以这么粘，”我说，“这照片只不过是倒过来拍的，只需要把一盏吊灯树在地板上。
我拿过照片，指给她看。
“看这儿，看窗户。窗帘都不是倒着的。”我指着窗户说。
她没有看。
“已经八点了，”我说，“我该走了。”我拿起公文包，在她脸上亲了一下。“我会很晚回来，我要加-- ”
“加班，”她说，“我知道。”
我在办公室打给阿贝。
“今天恐怕不行了，”我说，“我得早点回家。”
“为什么？” 阿贝问，“有事吗？”
“没……也许吧。我想她有些怀疑了。”
长时间的沉默。我能听到电话那头她的呼吸声。
“我不明白你为什么还跟她在一起，”她轻声说，“你们在一起什么都不做，你们甚至都不争吵。我真搞不懂。”她停了一会儿，然后重复道。“我真搞不懂。”她正在哭。
“对不起，对不起，阿贝。有人进来了，”我撒了个谎，“我要挂了。我明天过来。我保证。到时我们再说。”
我回家很早。进门时我说，“我回来啦”，没人回答。我找遍了所有房间，她不在。在厨房的桌子上，我看到胶水的罐子，都空了。我挪了挪椅子想坐下。它纹丝不动。我又用力搬了一下，它还是一动不动。她把椅子粘在了地上。冰箱门也打不开。她把门粘上了。我搞不清楚发生了什么状况，她为什么这么做。我不知道她在哪儿。我走进卧室打给她妈妈。话筒拿不起来——她粘起来了。我踢了一脚桌子，脚趾差点断了。桌子纹丝不动。
然后我听见了她的笑声。从头顶上传来。我抬头看，她在那儿，光脚站在卧室的天花板上。
我张口结舌地看着她。等我回过神来我结结巴巴地问：“你，你他妈的疯了吗？”
她没有回答，只是笑。她笑得如此自然，倒挂在那里，嘴唇好像因为重力自然拉升开来。
“别担心，我把你弄下来，”我说。赶紧跑到书架，拿了几本最大的书。我把几本百科全书垒成了垫子，爬了上去。
“可能会有点痛，”我说，试图保持平衡。她还在笑。我使劲拉她，但她根本不动。我慢慢地爬下来。
“别担心，”我说，“我去找邻居，我去隔壁叫人。”
“好，”她笑着说，“我哪儿也不去。”
我也笑了。她那么美，那么不合时宜，头朝下地吊在那里。她的长发荡着，白色T恤里的乳房像两滴泪珠一样垂下来。我爬回书堆，亲她。
她的舌头伸到我嘴里。书堆在我脚下倒掉，但我还悬在半空中，嘴在她的嘴上。
原文出处：http://www.pulp.net
译者：七呵夫
本译文仅供个人研习、欣赏语言之用，谢绝任何转载及用于任何商业用途。本译文所涉法律后果均由本人承担。本人同意平台在接获有关著作权人的通知后，删除文章。