2017年7月25日
Fishing For The Third Alternative
一般我们在遇到问题时，总是会倾向假设只有两种选择(1) 自己的作法 (2) 错误的作法。但其实我们可以寻求第三种选择The Third Alternative。在这一节中，作者举了一个夫妻家庭生活的例子。一个假期，丈夫精心计划了一年的全家人外出钓鱼露营的计划终于有机会实现了，可是妻子这个假期却想去探望自己身体不太好的老母亲。两个人各抒己见，争论不休。这样下去，最后或许会有折中的安排。，也许是妻子独自去探望母亲，丈夫带着孩子去度假。可是夫妻俩都会有内疚感，心情不可能愉快，孩子也会察觉到，也不会玩得尽兴。或者，先生妥协，但心不甘情不愿，有意无意地就想证明如此决定何其错误。反之，妻子顺从先生的心意，却毫无玩兴。倘若母亲不幸在此时病危或去世，妻子不会原谅丈夫，丈夫也难以原谅自己。可见不论是哪一种妥协，都会成为夫妻问挥之不去的阴影。
其实每次问题的出现是个问题，但同时也是一个机遇。夫妻两人遇到问题歧可能产生隔膜，也可能使彼此更加亲近。原因在于夫妻两人情感账户余额很高，对彼此有充分的信任，能够开放式沟通，并奉行双赢模式，相信有更好的可以互惠互利的第三条道路。通过两人诚恳的移情倾听，坦诚沟通，于是他们试着寻找第三条可行之道。他们有商有量，直到找出双方都满意的解决方案，而且比原来的方案和妥协的办法都好得多。
寻求The Third Alternative第三条道路需要从固化的非此即彼的思维模式里跳出，实现重要的模式转变。
Seeking the third Alternative is a major paradigm shift from the dichotomous,either/or mentality.
Value The Differences
然而在相互交往中，人们把太多的时间和精力用在了玩弄权术，互相提防，唇枪舌战上，这就像在开车时，一只脚在踩油门，另一只脚却踩刹车。更多的人不是把脚从刹车上 挪开，而是使劲加大油门，他们希望施以更大的压力，雄辩，更多的证据来巩固自己的地位。他们不知道人际关系中最可贵的地方就是能接触到不同的观点。
They don't realize that the very strength of realtionship is in having another point of view.
相同不是统一，一致也不是团结，统一和团结意味着互补，而不是相同。相同毫无创造性，而且沉闷乏味。协同增效的精髓就是尊重差异。
Sameness is not oneness;uniformity is not unity.Unity, or oneness ,is complemntariness, not sameness.Sameness is uncreative...and boring .The essence of synergy is to value the difference.
协同增效的精髓就是尊重差异,尊重人在情绪，心理，智能上的差异，而理解尊重差异的关键就是要认识到世界上所有的人看世界，这个世界不是世界本身是什么样子，而是他们每人心中所认为的世界。
Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy ----the mental,the emotionall,the psychological differences between people.And the key to valuing those differences is to realize that all people see the world,not as it is,but as they are.
试想一下，如果我认为我看到的世界就是世界本来的样子，那么我为什么还想去尊重差异呢？我为什么还要劳烦别人呢？我的思维模式认为我是客观的，我看到的世界就是世界本来的样子，如果我是这样的思维模式，那么我将永远不可能和别人展开有效的交往，我将被封闭在自己的思维里。而真正的谦虚之人会承认自己有不足之处，而乐于在与人交往之中汲取丰富的知识见解，重视不同的意见，从而增加自己的见识。
Force Field Analysis
在互赖关系中，协同增效是对付阻碍成长与改变的最有力的方法。
社会学家Kurt Lewin以“力场分析”Force Field Analysis的模型，来描述鼓励向上的动力driving forces与阻挠上进的阻力restraining forces，如何互动或平衡的状态。
Force Field Analysis的观点: 任何情況，都是两股力量相互制衡下的平衡状态 －－driving forces、restraining forces。
Driving forces: 正面的、理性的、逻辑的，有意识的，经济的。
Restraining forces: 负面的、情绪性的、不合逻辑、无意识的、社会的，心理的。
这两组作用力都是真实存在的，在具体处理时都要考虑周全。
比如你想要家庭有种和谐的氛围，也许你很希望能够在这种氛围中加入更多的积极因素，这种想法本身就是有助于改善家庭氛围的动
力driving forces。然而不设法削减阻力，只一味增加推力，就仿佛施力于弹簧上，终有一天会引起反弹。
但是当我们引入到synergy协同增效这个概念，就会意识到仅仅努力增加driving forces是不够的，所做的努力会被restraining forces抵消掉。
减弱restraining forces的方式:就是建立互信的氛围，让彼此可以敞开心扉交流最真诚的想法，包含负面的想法。正面地面对restraining forces，才有可能产生新的洞見，把它转化为driving forces。
All Nature Is Synergistic
生态学很好地解释了自然界的协同增效现象：世间万物都是密切相关的，这些关系可以将创造力最大化。
Ecology is a word which basically describes the synergism in nature ---everything is realted to everything else.It is the realtionship that creative powers are maximized.
Synergy works;it's a correct priciple.It is the crowning achievement of all the privious habits.It is effectiveness in an interdependent reality----it is teamwork,team building ,the develppment of unity and creativy with other human beings.
协同增效是有效的，正确的原则，其成效超出此前的所有习惯，它体现了相互依赖环境中的高效能，它是团队协作和团队建设，能让团队成员通
过合作实现创造。
当有人不同意你的观点的时候，你应该说：“你跟我有不一样的看法，这很好。”你不一定要对他们表示赞同，但是可以表示肯定，并尽量给予理解。如果你只能看到两种解决问题的途径或道路——“你”的和“错误”的，那么你可以试着寻找协同增效的第三条道路，一般情况下它总是存在的。
So when someone disagrees with you ,you can say "Good! You see it differently."You don't have to agree with them;you can simple affirm them.And ypu can seek to understand.
When you see only two alternatives ---yours and the wrong one ---you can look for a synergistic third alternative.There 's almost always a third alternative.
单词部分
1. fish v.1.旁敲侧击地打听;拐弯抹角地谋取 If you say that someone is fishing for information or praise, you disapprove of the fact that they are trying to get it from someone in an indirect way.
He didn't want to create the impression that he was fishing for information..
2.(PHRASE) 如离水之鱼(指因离开熟悉的环境而感到不适) If you feel like a fish out of water, you do not feel comfortable or relaxed because you are in an unusual or unfamiliar situation.
He was like a fish out of water in the big city.
3.(PHRASE) 海里的鱼有的是;天涯何处无芳草 If you tell someone that there are plenty more fish in the sea, you are comforting them by saying that although their relationship with someone has failed, there are many other people they can have relationships with.
He has just fininshed a relation with a girl.and he comforted himself by saying there are plenty more fish in the sea.
4.v.(PHRASAL VERB) (从…中)取出，拿出，拖出 If you fish something out from somewhere, you take or pull it out, often after searching for it for some time.
Kelly fished out another beer from his cooler..
2.pool v.共用，聚拢（资金、知识、设备等） If a group of people or organizations pool their money, knowledge, or equipment, they share it or put it together so that it can be used for a particular purpose.
We pooled ideas and information
3.polarize v.（使）两极化；（使）分化；（使）对立 If something polarizes people or if something polarizes, two separate groups are formed with opposite opinions or positions.
public opinion has polarized on this issue.
The issue has polarized public opinion.
4.wedge 1. n.（用来固定门的）楔子，三角木 A wedge is an object with one pointed edge and one thick edge, which you put under a door to keep it firmly in position
2.(PHRASE) 破坏…之间的关系;挑拨离间 If someone drives a wedge between two people who are close, they cause ill feelings between them in order to weaken their relationship.
I started to feel Toby was driving a wedge between us.
(figurative)I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you (= to make you start disliking each other) .
The difference can polarize them ,creat wedges in the relationship.
5.astounding adj.令人惊骇的；令人震惊的 If something is astounding, you are shocked or amazed that it could exist or happen.
There was an astounding 20% increase in sales.
6.wrangle v.(长时间)吵架，争吵，争论 If you say that someone is wrangling with someone over a question or issue, you mean that they have been arguing angrily for quite a long time about it.
The two of them began to wrangle the moment they got talking.
Don't wrangle with others over trifles