成长就是不断地丢弃与拾取 — 读The Glass Castle《玻璃城堡》有感

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花了一周时间，废寝忘食地读完Jeannett Walls的回忆录The Glass Castle（中译本名为《玻璃城堡》）。读368页的原版书，我通常用不了一周，更何况还是一有空就捧起读。之所以用了整整7天来读这本书，是因为很多段落写得太好、太美，我不由得要重读几遍，反复领略文字的精彩和真挚。

这本书讲的这是一个真实的故事，却又常常离奇得超乎想象，轻松幽默的语言背后有着许多深沉感人的亮点。

一个拥有价值百万美金的土地却坚持流浪街头的画家母亲Rose Mary，一个魅力超凡才华横溢却酗酒嗜赌的天才父亲Rex，四个聪明坚强的孩子，大女儿Lori，二女儿Jeannett，儿子Brian和最小的女儿Maureen，构成了Walls一家。

父母的空想主义和特立独行的生活态度既给全家带来了灾祸，也带来了欢乐。虽然经济拮据，常常吃不饱穿不暖，但这种被父母称为adventure式的游牧生活却让他们兴奋不已。他们在美国西南部的矿镇和西部的沙漠度过了纯真快乐、充满冒险而又满怀希望的流浪生活，学会了很多野外生存的技能，丰富了知识，也学会勇敢地拥抱生活。

Walls一家人的圣诞节要比所有家庭的都要晚一个星期。因为只有在那个时候，他们能在路边找到人们节后丢弃的圣诞树，甚至那些闪亮的装饰物还挂在上面。送给孩子们的东西，通常是爸爸妈妈从超市里过季的圣诞商品中挑出的一袋弹珠、一个玩偶或者一样玩具弓箭。而有一年的圣诞节，父母连过季的礼物都买不起，于是爸爸轮流将每个孩子带到沙漠的夜空下。

I never believed in Santa Claus. None of us kids did. Mom and Dad refused to let us. They couldn't afford expensive presents and they didn't want us to think we weren't as good as other kids who, on Christmas morning, found all sorts of fancy toys under the tree that were supposedly left by Santa Claus.

Dad had lost his job at the gypsum, and when Christmas came that year, we had no money at all. On Christmas Eve, Dad took each one of us kids out into the desert night one by one.

"Pick out your favorite star", Dad said.
"I like that one!" I said.
Dad grinned, "that's Venus", he said. He explained to me that planets glowed because reflected light was constant and stars twinkled because their light pulsed.
"I like it anyway" I said.
"What the hell," Dad said. "It's Christmas. You can have a planet if you want." And he gave me Venus.

爸爸让Jeannett在群星里挑出一颗最喜欢的，他要把那颗作为圣诞礼物送给她。“你不能给我一颗星星啊！星星又不是谁的！” “没错，它们不属于任何人。你必须抢在别人之前宣布你拥有它，就像那个拉丁老哥伦布宣布美洲是伊丽莎白女王的一样。” “那我要那一颗。” “那是金星”，爸爸对她说：“当太阳燃尽，地球变冷，这里的所有人都会想搬到金星上好变得暖和些。到时候，他们就得先要获得你后代的许可。”

那天晚上，Walls家的孩子们在星空下各自收到了一颗星作为礼物，他们嘲笑那些相信有圣诞老人，除了一些便宜的塑料玩具就什么也得不到的孩子们。他们的爸爸说，过不了几年，那些塑料垃圾都会坏掉然后被遗忘，而“你们依然拥有你们的星星。”

这一部分很暖心，也很浪漫。但是当经济越发拮据、流浪的热情逐渐减退、孩子们渐渐长大的时候，他们对这种居无定所、忍饥挨饿的生活产生了质疑。没有父母的照顾，他们只能互相照顾，并忍受着父母对他们不经意的伤害。他们努力地存钱，相继离家去了纽约，开始了各自想要的生活。

Jeannett离家那一段我反复读了几遍，令人潸然泪下。

Dad was lighting a cigarette. I waved, and he shoved his hands in his pockets, the cigarette dangling from his mouth, and stood there, slightly stoop-shouldered and distracted-looking. I wondered if he was remembering how he, too, had left Welch full of vinegar at age seventeen and just as convinced as I was now that he'd never return. I wondered if he was hoping that his favorite girl would come back, or if he was hoping that, unlike him, she would make it out for good.

I reached into my pocket and touched the horn-handled jackknife, then waved again. Dad just stood there. He grew smaller and smaller, and then we turned a corner and he was gone.

成长就是不断地舍弃和拾取。你所经历的造就了你，无论它是怪诞还是伤痛。

这本书让我很着迷的原因是：一家人的爱和伤害是纠缠在一起，分不出头绪的。就像这世界，不是非黑即白一样。家庭的关系也不是全是爱，或者全是恨。Walls家庭的父母生活随心所欲，他们过于忠实自己的内心和梦想，却忽略了生活艰辛的现实。父亲知识丰富，梦想发明金矿探测器和建造太阳能玻璃城堡；母亲才华横溢，能诗会画。但他们追求理想的热却无法抵御懒于改变现实的冷。父亲经常失业、酗酒，母亲厌恶工作，情绪不稳定。他们拒绝领取救济，孩子们常常要在中午捡学校同学吃剩的食物，尽量喂养自己并设法生存下去。父亲Rex甚至偷取孩子为了离家前往纽约而辛苦积攒的旅费。无论从哪个角度来评判，他们都是不合格的，且没有责任心的父母。但就是这样的父母，却又全心全意爱着他们的四个孩子。

母亲会灌输正确的价值观，教导孩子们每个人都有优点，所以不该去恨别人，而要善于发现他人的好。

You should never hate anyone, even your worst enemies. Everyone has something good about them. You have to find the redeeming quality and love the person for that.

她还用她的生活哲学给孩子们鼓励和信心。

“Things usually work out in the end."
"What if they don't?"
"That just means you haven't come to the end yet.”

以及在艰难中也要学会发现乐趣，并全力享受生活的美好。

Life is a drama full of tragedy and comedy. You should learn to enjoy the comic episodes a little more.

在Jeannett因为无力支付大学学费而打算放弃学业时，已经沦为街头流浪者的父母带来了皱皱巴巴的950元钱，加上一件大衣，父亲说还可以在当铺当到50元钱。他们在无比需要钱的情况下，竭尽全力地帮助女儿完成学业。

When he arrived with Mom, he was carrying a large plastic garbage bag and had a small brown paper bag tucked under his arm. I assumed it was a bottle of booze, but then he opened the paper bag and turned it upside down. Hundreds of dollar bills - ones, fives, tens, twenties, all wrinkled and worn - spilled into my lap.

" There's nine hundred and fifty bucks," Dad said. He opened the plastic bag, and a fur coat tumbled out. "That there's mink. You should be able to pawn it for fifty, at least. "
" Dad," I said. " You guys need this money more than I do."

" It's yours," Dad said. " Since when is is wrong for a father to take care of his little girl?"

"But I can't." I looked at Mom.
She sat down next to me and patted my leg. "I've always believed in the value of a good education,' she said.
So, when I enrolled for my final year at Barnard, I paid what I owed on my tuition with Dad's wadde, crumpled bills.

正如每一个个体都是独一无二的，每一个家庭也都是独一无二的。也许我们的父母是“靠谱”的父母，也许我们从未经历过游牧式的生活，但我相信，我们的家庭也有自己的故事。虽然不像The Glass Castle这样充满着残酷和甜蜜的瞬间，但我们各自的故事也一定有着不同于其他的色彩。每个人都有故事，每个人都需要为自己的故事负责，我们是故事的创造者，我们也是故事的阅读者。