Last year my friend Du quit from Huawei and became a full time mum. When we talk about why she said:
-My second baby is just 8 month old. And my parents can not come over to take care her. I have to do it by myself.
-And for my husband sake we will move to Hong Kong as well. So I must go back home.
I’m worried about her, cause what she said are all outside conditions.
so last week we talk again through WeChat, I asked how was she, she said:
-I don’t feel good right now. I cannot speak Cantonese and have no friend here, no time to do anything else but take care of my baby daughter .
-So I feel I was stuck here, that's not good，and always angry
yes,That's not good. She made her choice but she didn’t realize that she is the one who should take the responsibility . She though the reason is come from outside, so she blame her husband, her parent , maybe in the future she will blame her little daughter. She build her emotional lives around the behavior of others, empowering other people to control her.
Is this situation familiar to you? yes, The conversation I just mentioned is keep going every day everywhere. Many people think they are the victim of the society. The government don't do any thing to change their lives. Boss just think about the numbers of company don't really care about the Employee and so on.They complained a lot, but never try to do something to change.
Let's try another way ,What if my friend Du she made a proactive choice? Maybe she would say:
-I choose to quit my job because I am willing to see my children grow up happily.
-I cannot speak Cantonese, but it's just temporary. I will find a toastmaster club nearby, learn Cantonese and make friends there. Maybe I will find the opportunity to continue my career.
What a life!
You see, Life is so different, as we see the problem in different way.
Proactive choice is like this: as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. The choice we made is not from outside . It's from inside . We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.
Reactive people make their choice by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment. While Proactive people are driven by values --their response to the stimuli, conscious or unconscious,is a value-based choice or response.
Do you have the experience that you don't like a course because the teacher sucks. You think you revenged the bad teacher by the bad score, actually it is you that need to be responsible for the bad score. You give up the right to control. Let others control your own life. A better way to handle this is no matter how sucks the teacher is. You learn a lot as you should, get good score as you should, live a good life as you should. That 's the best revenge. Tip here,This also works on you boss and your EX.
Our unique human gift lift us above the animal world. These gift empowers us to fulfill our uniquely human potential. Between stimulus and response is our greatest power -- the freedom to choose.
Choose proactively , do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. your behavior is a product of your own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of your conditions, based on feeling.
Proactive choice can not solve all of the problems, but it will make your way to succeed easier and shorter. So I'm here to say It is a way to better life.