《再别康桥》是徐志摩(1897.1.15-1931.11.19)的名诗,其英文版本众多,译者有华人也有西人。也有东北话的搞笑版。好比太极拳一样,派别众多。下文第2)部分抄录了其中一个版本。
的确,诗歌本来见仁见智,随者时光的流逝,不同的读者读起来自有不同的理解和触动。今不揣冒昧,作了自己的翻译,以推动社会主义文艺创作的百家争鸣,百花齐放的新局面!
1)《再别康桥》
作者:徐志摩
Bidding Farewell to Cambridge Again
- By Xu Zhimo, translated by Sam Gao
① Very quietly I turn away,
轻轻的我走了
② As quietly as I came.
正如我轻轻的来
③ Quietly I wave my good-bye,
我轻轻的招手
④ To the flaming clouds in the western sky.
作别西天的云彩
⑤ The gilded willows by the riverside,
那河畔的金柳
⑥ Is my bride bathing in the twilight.
是夕阳中的新娘
⑦ Her dainty reflections on the shimmering waves,
波光里的艳影
Forever flap in my chest from side to side.
在我的心头荡漾
⑧ The weeds that cling to the soft sludge,
软泥上的青荇
⑨ Sway leisurely,
油油的在水底招摇
Beneath the gentle waves of Cambridge.
在康河的柔波里
⑩ May I be that weed!
我甘心做一条水草
⑪ That pool under the shades of elm trees,
那榆荫下的一潭
⑫ Holds not a fountain but the rainbow from the sky,
不是清泉,是天上虹
⑬ Shattered asunder among the algae,
揉碎在浮藻间
⑭ Yet holding onto a rainbow-like dream.
沉淀着彩虹似的梦
⑮ To seek my dream,
寻梦
⑯ I’ll pole a boat upstream,
撑一支长篙
⑰ To where the grass is more lush and green.
向青草更青处漫溯
⑱ Loading the boat with starlight,
满载一船星辉
⑲ I’ll break into a song in the starry night.
在星辉斑斓里放歌
⑳ Yet I fear I cannot sing out loud,
但我不能放歌
21 Because quietness is my tune of farewell.
悄悄是别离的笙箫
22 Even summer insects hush and hold their breath.
夏虫也为我沉默
23 Reticence reigns over Cambridge tonight.
沉默是今晚的康桥
24 Very quietly I turn away,
悄悄的我走了
As quietly as I came.
正如我悄悄的来
25 Gently I wave my sleeves,
我挥一挥衣袖
26 Not a petal of cloud shall I take away.
不带走一片云彩
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2)附流传百年的原英文译文:
《再别康桥》
作者:徐志摩
Saying Good-bye to Cambridge Again
- By Xu Zhimo
Very quietly I take my leave
轻轻的我走了
As quietly as I came here
正如我轻轻的来
Quietly I wave good-bye
我轻轻的招手
To the rosy clouds in the western sky
作别西天的云彩
The golden willows by the riverside
那河畔的金柳
Are young brides in the setting sun
是夕阳中的新娘
Their reflections on the shimmering waves
波光里的艳影
Always linger in the depth of my heart
在我的心头荡漾
The floating heart growing in the sludge
软泥上的青荇
Sways leisurely under the water
油油的在水底招摇
In the gentle waves of Cambridge
在康河的柔波里
I would be a water plant
我甘心做一条水草
That pool under the shade of elm trees
那榆荫下的一潭
Holds not water but the rainbow from the sky
不是清泉,是天上虹
Shattered to pieces among the duck weeds
揉碎在浮藻间
Is the sediment of a rainbow-like dream
沉淀着彩虹似的梦
To seek a dream
寻梦
Just to pole a boat upstream
撑一支长篙
To where the green grass is more verdant
向青草更青处漫溯
Or to have the boat fully loaded with starlight
满载一船星辉
And sing aloud in the splendor of starlight
在星辉斑斓里放歌
But I cannot sing aloud
但我不能放歌
Quietness is my farewell music
悄悄是别离的笙箫
Even summer insects keep silence for me
夏虫也为我沉默
Silent is Cambridge tonight
沉默是今晚的康桥
Very quietly I take my leave
悄悄的我走了
As quietly as I came here
正如我悄悄的来
Gently I flick my sleeves
我挥一挥衣袖
Not even a wisp of cloud will I bring away
不带走一片云彩
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3)现译者对2)的评议:
1 came here中的here实在是多余。Came 就足够了。原诗此处拖泥带水。
2求爱不成,心情应该不再是罗曼蒂克的,而是壮烈的或悲壮的,因此云彩不可能是rosy clouds,而应该是fiery clouds或flaming clouds。
3徐志摩时代,应该已是monogamy时代,不可能心里想着一个以上的新娘。所以应是 my bride,而不是 brides。也不可能是his bride。
7我不明白为什么青荇被翻译成“飘荡的心”(“The floating heart growing in the sludge”)。
9湖很大,不可能是一个树的shade.
10-11原译者没有正确理解中文的意思。现译(10)应该轻读,而下一句(11)要重读。
11-12原译的“Shattered to pieces among the duck weeds 揉碎在浮藻间 Is the sediment of a rainbow-like dream 沉淀着彩虹似的梦”逻辑上有问题,没有理解原文。沉淀者,则在水底也,怎么可能浮在水面上,散落在浮藻间呢?“揉碎在浮藻间”是描述“彩虹”,但“沉淀着彩虹似的梦”是接着“That pool under the shades of elm trees
那榆荫下的一潭 Is not a fountain of water but the rainbow from the sky”说的。
14草都是绿色的,尤其是夏天,所以就删掉green了。
13-15 to莫名其妙,删掉。
15-16原译两次重复 starlight,现译此次更改为更加简洁短小的词句。
15 Or to have the boat fully loaded with starlight. fully loaded读起来太拗口,用词太多。这是诗歌,不是散文!
21 Even summer insects keep silence for me。Keep silent此处改为hush,更为传神。
24 flick是快速小幅度的挥动,如摁下一个按键那样的轻巧快速的动作。此处所以换成心境开阔时作者采用的更大幅度的“缓缓一挥”- Wave。
***现译者特别声明:欢迎讨论、批评!欢迎扔鸡蛋!
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