旅程终点 The End of the Tour

旅程结束时，Wallace对David说：

Tour is over.

I'm gonna have to kinda feel all of this now, instead of just sleepwalk through it.

有多少人能细细品味回忆？

还是犹如梦游般度过了这一生，一觉醒来，梦境消失，只剩下空白。

我不愿意这么重复单调地度过一生。不论任何时候，请给自我一点时间，思考、回忆、品味，然后move on，reback real life。

Wallace深夜对David说：

-You awake?

-yeah.

-I was just thinking, um, it wasn’t a chemical imbalance, and it wasn’t drugs and alcohol, it was much more that I had lived an incredibly American life. This idea that if I could just achieve X and Y and Z, that everything would be okay.

There’s a thing in the book about how when somebody leaps from a burning skyscraper, it’s not that they’re not afraid of falling anymore. It’s that the alternative is so awful. And so then you’re invited to consider what could be so awful that leaping to your death would seem like an escape from it.

I don’t know if you have any experience with this kind of thing, but it’s worse than any kind of physical injury. It may be in the old days what was known as a spiritual crisis, feeling as though every axiom in your life turned out to be false, and there was actually nothing, and you were nothing.

And that it’s all a delusion and you’re so much better than everybody, cause you can see how this is just a delusion. And you’re so much worse because you can’t fucking function, it’s really horrible.

I don’t think that we ever change.

I’m sure that I still have those same parts of me. Guess i’m trying really hard to find a way not to let them drive, you know.

Hey, um, okay, good night.

这段话我并不是非常明白，但听完这段话，印象很深刻，只知道我想记下来，留着以后回味。

这像是在寻找自我，解脱自我的一个过程。当人们从燃烧的大厦跳下来的时候，并不是因为他们不再害怕掉下楼，而是因为另一个选择更加让他们恐惧，然后你会想，是什么选择让他们觉得死亡反而是解脱？

我没有这样类似的经历，但是我能理解那种感受。

现代世界中，各种侵蚀内心的诱惑不停在周围盘旋，稍不小心便深陷其中。如何在这花花世界中，保持清醒的自我，是一件多么不容易的成就。世俗如我，总是被各种世俗烦恼侵蚀着，总是想要追求世俗眼中的成功。而当真正拥有名声后，那真的是你想要的吗？这是你快乐的源泉吗？

我不肯定，我很怀疑。

愿我不再在意世俗的烦恼，愿我可以多多关注自我的发展。

愿我可以有机会走遍那些正在消失的世界。

愿我平静、安心、用心。