Chapter19 And They Lived Happily Ever After

So far we have discussed happiness as if were largely a product of material factors, such as health, diet and wealth. If people are richer and healthier, then they must also be happier. But is that really so obvious? Philosophers, priests and poets have brooded over the nature of happiness for millennia, and many have concluded that social, ethical and spiritual factors have as great an impact on our happiness as material conditions. Perhaps people in modern affluent societies suffer greatly from alienation and meaninglessness despite their prosperity.

现实生活里确实不乏这样的例子，暂且不说别人，我的爸爸，我的弟弟，都处于这样的一个状态，在我看来，一种虚无笼罩着他们，可能他们习惯于这样空洞的生活觉得并没有什么不妥。我也曾跟朋友讨论过这样的问题，会觉得空洞的生活简直难以忍受，在讨论中才发现，这不仅仅是个别家庭的现状，似乎是很多家庭里的现状。停下来的时候会问自己，我想要的幸福到底是什么，为什么总感觉不是那么幸福。然后自嘲起来，别陷入了终极三问类的怪圈里。而只有心无杂念地把自己投入到浩如烟海的知识里或者走进让你舒适的圈子里的时候，才觉得有那么一些充足感和满足感，可以说，是happiness.罗素是这样概述他的状况的，同样的"I was not born happy…and I felt the long-spread-out boredom ahead of me to be almost unendurable. in adolescence, i hated life and was continually on the verge of suicide, from which, however, i was restrained by the desire to know more mathematics…now, on the contrary, i enjoy life; i might almost say that with every fear that passe i enjoy it more. this is due partly to having discovered what were the things that i most desired and having gradually acquired many of these things. partly it is due to having successful dismissed certain objects of desire. but very largely it is due to a diminishing preoccupied with myself."

---

看作者又是如何定义幸福的呢

The generally accepted definition of happiness is“subjective well-being”. Happiness, according to this view, is something I feel inside myself; a sense of either immediate pleasure or long-term contentment with the way my lifeis going. If it's something felt inside, how can it be measured from outside?

One interesting conclusion is that money does indeed bring happiness. But only up to a point, and beyond that point, it has little significance.

所以整个社会里的大部分都在无穷尽地追求金钱是为了什么，是为了幸福过活还是为了其他？当金钱不再带来所谓的穷极毕生去追求的幸福反而是各种"天灾人祸"时，我们该何去何从该做何选择。不想问自己终极三问式的思考，当没有足够多的知识储备和思维储备时过多的思考让人陷入一片混沌和黑暗之中。

Family and community seem to have more impact on our happiness than money and health. People with strong families who live in tight-knit and supportive communities are significantly happier than people whose families are dysfunctional and who have never found（ or never sought）a community to be part of Marriage is particularly important.

如果作者所陈述的是经得起考究的事实的话，这不得不让人引起对家庭和婚姻的重视，经营好一个幸福的家庭远比追名逐利的幸福要持久得多的话，是否要把重心偏向于家庭，（当然是在以追求幸福为本质的前提下，不排除有其他不为追求幸福而生活的人）虽然这两者可能并不冲突。

We can choose our spouses, friends and neighbours, but they can choose to leave us. With the individual wielding unprecedented power to decide her own path in life, we find it ever harder to make commitments. We thus live in an increasingly lonely world of unravelling communities and families.        

暂用网络一句段子来表达此时的心情"我能怎么办哩，我也很无奈啊~"我们无法给任何人作出永远的承诺，别人也无法对我们作出永远之类的承诺，谁也都有可能随时会离开以及所附带的热烈也一并带走，且行且珍惜。如果说人的一生，可以通过选择、运气、基因躲过很多事情，孤单与死亡是无论如何都躲不过的。

    But the most important finding of all is that happiness does not really depend on objective conditions of either wealth, health, or even community. Rather, it depends on the correlation between objective conditions and subjective expectations.

所以呢，如果我永不满足，我也将不再拥有happiness吗？ When things improve, expectations balloon, and consequently even dramatic improvements in objective conditions can leave us dissatisfied. When things deteriorate, expectation shrink, and consequently even a severe illness might leave you pretty much as happy as you were before.

---

敲黑板敲黑板，颠覆认知的观念来了！

Biologists hold that our mental and emotional world is governed by biochemical mechanisms shaped by millions of years of evolution. Like all other mental states, our subjective well-being is.not determined by external parameters such as salary, social relations or political rights. Rather, it is determined by a complex system of nervess, neurons, synapses and various biochemical substances such as serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin.

可以接地气地这样理解:Nobody is ever made happy by winning the Lottery, buying a house, getting a promotion or even finding true love. People are made happy by one thing and one thing only----pleasant sensations in their bodie.

以及对婚姻幸福与否的看法,认为婚姻本身并不能给人幸福，而是…It is true that married people are happier than singles and divorcees, but that does not necessarily mean that marriage produces happiness. It could be that happiness causes marriage. Or more correctly, that serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin bring about and maintain a marriage.

但是，也别觉得婚姻在幸福这个点上起不到作用，作者指出:Somebody born with an average of level five happiness would never dance wildly in the streets. But a good marriage should enable her to enjoy level seven from time to time, and to avoid the despondency of level three.

总之:Nothing captures the biological argument better than the famous New Age slogan;"Happiness Begins Within". Money, social status, plastic surgery, beautiful houses, powerful positions - none of these will bring you happiness. Lasting happiness comes only from serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin.

当然，作者也指出了一条方法论; the key to happiness is to know the truth about yourself - to understand who, or what, you really are. Most people wrongly identify themselves with their feelings, thoughts, likes and dislikes.