积极人生/The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

积极人生

        我一直欣赏这么一句话：“人生好比一场足球赛，你不出脚就永远没有进球的可能，虽然出脚并不一定能进球。”

　　足球场上敢拼敢抢，“该出脚时就出脚”，这便是积极人生的精髓所在。积极人生意味着更多的尝试，更大胆地去尝试。在尝试之前作出任何过早而轻率的结论都是不足取的。就像一场足球赛开场之前便轻言胜负一样没有理由，足球场上流行的一句话叫做“足球是圆的”，恰好形象地说明了尝试的必要性，其实人生又何尝不是如此，“命运也是圆的”。

　　有尝试就必然会有失败，往往尝试越多失败也就越多。积极人生常常是成功与失败交织而成的一条荆棘路，错误和失败是难以避免的。但这种尝试的错误与失败不同样地让生命更加美丽、让成功更有价值吗？

　　有篇文章叫做《错误让我如此美丽》，是一位白发苍苍的老教授发自内心的感慨。他说如果让他再活一回，他一定选择更多地去尝试，积极地去摸索更多的人生道路。而不是安分守已、踏实本分地按照别人早已为你设计好的路走下去。文中他还谈到他的一位朋友，从小就是一个极不本分的人，上完高中后再也不想读下去了。后来参过军、下过海、经过商、炒过股，甚至还当过几年的出租车司机，可以说是什么都敢想、什么都敢做，经过几十年的摸爬滚打，现在已是沿海一开放城市某大型企业集团的总裁。

　　我想这位老人的感慨正是对积极人生最好的赞美和注解。的确，人生的道路有许多条，命运往往是诡秘多变的。特别是当你年轻的时候，更应该大胆地去尝试，去寻找一条最适合自己发展的道路，或许展现在你眼前的是一片更为广阔的天地，在那里你发现了一个全新的自我，你的巨大潜能从而得到更好的发挥，你的人生从此而改变。

　　有人怕失败，怕摔跤，因而不敢去尝试。其实任何一次失败往往是下一个成功的开始，积极人生便是在“尝试”、“失败”与“成功”三者之间轮回的，而最终的辉煌便是由无数次尝试和失败编织而成的艳丽的花环。正如马克思所说：“通往成功的道路上，绝无坦途可走。”

　　趁我们年轻时要敢于尝试，尝试之前不要轻言胜败，也不必将结果耿耿于怀。有人想考研，但一看竞争如此激烈，“命中率”如此之低，便连翻开考研资料的勇气也没有了。还有人羡慕别人的作品屡屡变成铅字，却不去问问人家为此付出了多大的代价。你不去写，不去投，难道有文章发表吗？

　　尝试需要选择，更需要勇气，虽然尝试的结果永远是不定的，但积极人生一定是辉煌的。
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Stephen R. Covey

by AMT 孔祥云 整理

The Seven Habits, Overview

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People provide a holistic, integrated approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness. Habits are patterns of behavior that involve three overlapping components: knowledge, attitude, and skill. These three components are learned rather than inherited. We are not our current habits. We can make or break our habits.

Seven Habits Overview / Seven Habits Organizer

The Seven Habits are habits of effectiveness. Because they are based on principles, they bring the maximum long-term beneficial results possible. They become the basis of a person's character, creating an empowering center of correct maps from which an individual can effectively solve problems, maximize opportunities, and continually learn and integrate other principles in an upward spiral of growth.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, page 52

The Seven Habits are an orderly sequence of growth, moving from Private to Public Victory.

Habits 1, 2, and 3 lead to Private Victories—the victories that allow us to achieve self-mastery and dominion over self.

· In Habit 1: Be Proactive, we recognize that we are free to choose.

· In Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind, we identify our personal mission and goals.

· In Habit 3: Put First Things First, we act on our priorities.

Habits 4, 5, and 6 lead to Public Victories—the victories that allow us to achieve success with other people.

· In Habit 4: Think Win-Win, we look for alternatives that allow everyone to win.

· Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood is both an attitude and a skill of listening deeply for complete understanding.

· In Habit 6: Synergize, we discover a creativity that people can experience when they explore their differences together.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw is the habit that calls the others forth. It is comprised of simple daily activities that implant the principles of effectiveness in our minds.

The habits form a continuum because the Private Victory must come before the Public Victory. Until we have developed self-mastery, it is difficult, if not impossible, to achieve success with other people. Taken together, the Seven Habits cultivate personal character, which is the foundation of effectiveness.

　

 

积极人生从7个习惯开始(1) 

 
积极人生从7个习惯开始
  史蒂芬.r.科维（著）
　　第一个习惯是“积极”。积极向上。“ 积极”这个词在管理文献中十分常见，但在字典里却找不到。它的意思不仅是指主动性，还指作为一个人，你必须为自己的生活负责。

　　观看“责任”（respon-sibility）这个词，它的字面意义是“反应选择能力”，是一种选择能力。我之所以说有效率的人都积极向上，那是因为他们都肯担负起责任，他们的行为遵从他们自己的决定，建立在价值观上，而不是客观环境和情绪的产物。例如，你计划和家人去野餐，你很兴奋，做了充分的准备。你决定好了地点，然后却下起了暴雨……你的计划泡汤了。积极的人不会受天气左右--他们明白真正的目的是什么，他们会创造性地在其他的地点进行野餐，哪怕是在自家的地下室里让大家玩一些有趣的游戏，他们会充分利用好当时的环境条件。与积极向上相对立的即是消极。消极的人会说：“哦，有什么用，我们什么也做不了”，“哦，这太令人难过了，我们所有的准备、所有的安排都泡汤了。”这些消极情绪将渗透这些人及其家人的思想。这就是消极的后果。

　　积极的确是一种人类天性的反映。你的本性是行动，而不是受影响。真实便是如此，而非为大家所接受的那样，用决定论来诠释性格。决定论认为，其实你并没做出任何选择，我们所谓的选择，其实只是外界条件或刺激的本能反应而已。

　　消极人士说的是受到环境、条件、和先天因素所左右的人的语言--“我不行，我就是这样了”、“……不行，我没有时间”、“我没办法、我没办法”、“我得”。这种语言整个地体现出一种不负责任的态度--我不为此负责，我没法选择自己的反应，关键在于：我是不负责任的。要亲口说出“我不行”、“我不负责”并不是件容易事。毛病就出在这是种自发式的预言。相信决定论的人会找出证据来支持这样的信念，他们逐渐相信自己是受害的，是失控的。他们根本无法把握自己的生活和命运。

　　如果你有积极的精神，你不会否认生理遗传、成长过程和生活环境造成的影响。但同时你仅仅把它们当作是影响。一个积极向上的人会自愿、自由地通过做最佳选择来实现自我价值。这样你才能逾越环境的束缚，而不是被环境所限制。
THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE（一)
  BY STEPHEN R .COVEEY
　　　　The first habit is 1)proactivity. Be proactive. The word proactivity is fairly common in management literature, but you won't find it in the dictionary. It means more than merely taking 2)initiatives, it means that as a human being you take responsibility for your own life.

　　　　Look at the word responsibility, ability to choose your response, response-ability. I suggest effective people are proactive, thatis they take responsibility, their behavior is a product of their own decisions, based on values, rather than being a product of their conditions, based on feelings. For instance, you are planning a picnic with your family. You're excited. You have all the preparations. You've decided where to go, and then it becomes stormy...killing your plan. Proactive people carry weather within them. They realize what their purpose really was, and they creatively have a picnic elsewhere even if it's in their own basement with some special games, and make the best of that situation. The opposite of being proactive is to be reactive. Reactive people would say, "What's the use, we can't do anything," "Oh this is so upsetting after all of our preparations we've made these arrangements." And the whole spirit of 3)negativism will tend to pervade those people's minds and also the family. That's being reactive.

　　　Being proactive is really just being true to your human nature. Your basic nature is to act, and not be acted upon. That's true, despite widely accepted theories of 4)determinism used to explain human nature. Determinism says, that you don't really choose anything, that whatyou call choices, are nothing more than automatic responses to outside conditions or stimuli.

　　　The language of reactive people, are people who are determined by their environment, or by their conditions, or by their conditioning or their genetic makeup. "This I can't, that's my nature." "...can't, don't have time." "I have to, I have to." "I must." See the whole spirit is of that language is the transfer of responsibility, I am not responsible, able to choose my response, the spirit is, I am not responsible, psychologically isn't that easier to say than "I'm a flake,"and "I'm irresponsible." The problem is, this is a self-fulfilling 5)prophecy. People who believe they are determined will produce the evidence to support the belief, and they increasingly feel victimized and out of control. They're not in charge of their life or their destiny at all.
When you are proactive, you don't deny that genetics, upbringing and environment make a difference. But you see them as influences only. A proactive person exercises free will, the freedom to choose the response that best applies to your values. In that way you gain control of your circumstances, rather than being controlled by them.

 

积极人生从7个习惯开始(2)
  史蒂芬.r.科维（著）
　　习惯二：在思想上要以终为始。照字面意思来解就是在今天开始的时候，脑子里想一想你在生命终点的情景，以此作为参考框架，作为你检测其他事情的依据。

　　我希望你们能好好地思考这番话，然后想像自己去参加一个至亲好友的葬礼。你的脑海里浮现着这样的画面：看到自己驾车到葬礼上去，到达了，葬礼在教堂举行，你在后排坐下。你渐渐地想到自己的葬礼，三年之后，躺在那棺材里的人会是你。发言人有四位，参加者云集一堂。人们对你的人与你的一生心怀关爱、感到欣赏与认同。四位发言人分别是：一位来自你家--除了你的家人外，姑姨、叔舅、表亲、祖父祖母全从全国各地赶来参加；一位是你的友人，从朋友立场上评价你的为人；一位来自你工作、职业或社交活动的领域；还有一位来自于你曾经参与并作出过服务的教会或者某团体组织。现在考虑一下，你希望三年之后，人们将怎样从一名几世同堂的大家庭的成员、一个朋友、一位同事、或一个公仆的角色来评价你？你希望人们将怎样评论你的性格、贡献和成就？仔细地想想你的这些角色，给自己写悼词。

　　在思想上以终为始这个习惯的意思就是要你明确最终目的，它是基于“万物皆经由两度而成”的原理得出的。

　　创造总是经过两次完成的。在思想创造之后有实际创造。拿你们现在所位于的大楼来说吧，在动土之前它的每个细节早就给设定好了。对也罢错也罢。如果错了，你要改变结构则要付出昂贵的代价，费用也许会大幅增长，甚至翻倍。木匠有条规矩是千真万确的：度量两次才动手。

　　那么习惯二是什么呢？就是在思想上要以终为始。决定好你的自我价值体系。写下自己的哲学，自我计划、自我信条、自我信仰体系，通过运用想象和情感把这些牢记在你的脑海中、你的心里。不要把自己拘束在以往的历史上，让自己依附于潜能之上。如果你能学着去生动地想象，并开发好内在意识，辨察是非，你就能找到适合你一生的最基本原则。你就可以从行动计划，或价值体系，或目标计划--随你怎么叫吧--的形式中提取出你的原则来。这就是习惯二的精髓所在。
THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE（二）
  BY STEPHEN R .COVEEY
　　　　Habit number two: Begin with the end in mind. That 1)literallymeans to begin today with an image or picture of the end of your life as your frame of reference, as the 2)criteria by which you examine everything else in your life.

　　　　I want you to think on this for a moment and get yourself into the frame of mind of attending a funeral of a dear one. In your mind’s eye see yourself driving to that funeral, arriving, it’s being held at a church, getting yourself situated in the back seat. And you come to a growing awareness that it is your funeral, that it is you in that 3)casket, three years from now. There are four speakers. The place ispacked. And there's a great feeling of love, appreciation, and 4)resonating value of this person, your life. The four speakers are these: one from your family -- not just your 5)nuclear family, but aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents have come from all around the country to attend; one from your friends that give a sense of what you were as a person, as a friend; one from your work, your profession, or outside activity; and one from your church or some community organization where you've been involved in giving service. Now think, what would you like to have said, three years from now, about you as a member of an 6)in-tergenerational 7)extended family, as a friend, as a working 8)associate, or a public servant? What would you like to have said about your character, about your contributions, and about your achievements? Think carefully on those roles, and write the 9)eulogies.

　　　This habit, to begin with the end in mind, means to start with a clear understanding of your destination and it's based on the principle that all things are created twice.

　　　There are always two creations. Thephysical creation follows the mental creation. Take the building or the house that you're in now. It was created in every detail before the earth was touched. Right or wrong. If wrong, you've got some pretty expensive change orders in that structure that might have significantly increased the cost of it, even doubled the cost of it. The carpenter's rule holds true: measure twice, cut once.
So what's habit two? Simply begin with the end in mind. Decide what your own value system is. Write your own philosophy, your own mission statement, your own 10)creed, your belief system and get it written into your mind and into your heart, through the use of imagination and your emotion. Don't tie yourself to your history. Tie yourself to your potential. And if you learn to imagine vividly enough and to also 11)draw heavily upon the inner sense or conscious of what is right or wrong, you will come to detect the most fundamental principles that pertain to your life. And you can 12)distill them in the form of a mission statement or a value system or a purpose statement; whatever you wish to call it. This is the essence of habit two.

 

 

积极人生从7个习惯开始(3)
  史蒂芬.r.科维（著）
　　第三个习惯，管理习惯，分清事情的轻重缓急。这个习惯可以解决许多时间安排方面的问题。其实挑战之处不在于时间的安排，而是自我安排，根据时间、事物与工作任务之间的关联来进行有效的安排。

　　现在请在纸上画一个正方形。在正中画一个十字将正方形分割成四个小方块。这是一个时间安排矩阵。四个小方块称为象限。为每一个象限做上标记，在第一个象限内写下”紧急重要”，在第二个象限内写下”重要但不紧急”，在第三个象限内写下”紧急但不重要”，在第四个象限内写下”不紧急不重要”。

　　在商业中，科维博士发现象限二是管理的关键。

　　意大利效率领域的著名哲学家普拉多提出了”80-20”规则。即有80%的结果是从20%的活动中产生的。这些全都是象限二的活动。全都是。
　　如果忽视了象限二，那么象限一会怎样呢？如果你不采取预防措施，会发生什么问题呢？它会无限膨大直至其他象限近于消失。它也许会耗尽你整个一生。这叫”管理危机”，管理危机会使你惶恐不安、筋疲力竭、一事无成。问题变得非常、非常严重。

如果你留意象限二，那象限一又会怎样呢？会变得越来越小。有一些事情你还是会归入象限一。一些你根本没有预料到的事。经常变换环境会产生一些这样的事情。但这是易于管理的，也是可行的。你经常会有一种未雨绸缪和抓住新机遇的感觉。

　　那么象限二的时间和精力将从哪里获得呢？从象限三和象限四获得。象限四是毫无用处的。你能想出一件事情毫无任何意义，从而可以归入象限四吗？休闲。休闲重要吗？当然。那它当然应该归入象限二。没有什么事情毫无意义可以归入象限四，象限三也基本上没什么意义，除非是对他人来说。

　　这样，你从象限三和象限四为象限二赢得了时间。你只要坚持这样做，只要不断地从象限三和象限四中偷出一点儿时间。学会说不，愉快地、微笑地、高兴地，但是要说不。因为对象限三和象限四说不就意味着对象限二说好，当你对象限二说好的时候，你就把象限一变得非常小了。你做的事情都是重要的，而不是无足轻重的。格塔曾写道：”重要的事情永远不要对无足轻重的事情让位。”

    但问题是，象限二的工作需要一定的能力。什么是基本能力？我们已经谈过这一点。是什么呢？是积极向上的态度。为什么？因为象限一影响着你、支配着你。而象限二是受你支配的。人的本性是支配而不是受支配。这就是象限二。所有亲密关系的建立、计划和组织、个人准备、锻炼、广泛地阅读、细读、继续深造，都可以归入象限二。

    象限二是关键。
THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE (3)

　　Habit three, the management habit, is put first things first. This habit deals with many of the questions addressed in the field of time management. The real challenge is not actually to manage time but to manage yourself, to gain control of time and events in your life by seeing how they relate to your mission.

　　Take a moment now to draw a square on a piece of paper. Then, make a cross within the square dividing it into four smaller squares. What you've just drawn is a time management 1)matrix. And the four squares are called 2)quadrants. Label the four quadrants this way: label quadrant 1 “Urgent and Important”, quadrant 2 “Not Urgent and Important”, quadrant 3 “Urgent and Not Important”, and quadrant 4 “Not Urgent and Not Important”.

　　And in business, Dr. Covey has found that quadrant two is the key to management.

　　Prado, the great Italian philosopher in the field of efficiency, came up with what's called the “eighty-twenty” rule. Eighty percent of the results flow from twenty percent of the activities. Those are all quadrant two activities. All of them.

　　What do you think happens to quadrant one if you neglect quadrant two? If you neglect prevention, what's going to happen to problems? It's going to grow and grow until there's almost no other quadrants. It may consume your life. That's called management by crisis, and management by crisis just 3)beats you up, 4)burns you out. 5)Fatigues 6)ya. Gets very, very large.

　　What's going to happen to quadrant one if you attend to quadrant two? Gets smaller and smaller. You'll still have some of it. Things you hadn't anticipated at all. Constant changes in our environment will create some of that. But it'll be manageable. It'll be 7)workable. But you'll always have the sense that you're working on 8)prevention and seizing new opportunities.

　　Now when are you going to get the time and attention to get into quadrant two? That has to come from three and four. Quadrant four is totally worthless quadrant. Can you name one thing of any value or worth in quadrant four? Leisure. Is leisure important? Yes. Then it's quadrant two. There's nothing of worth or value in quadrant four. Quadrant three also is essentially without value except on the part of other people.

　　So, basically, you get your time for quadrant two from three and four. You just keep doing it. You just keep stealing a little from quadrant three and quadrant four. Learn to say no, pleasantly, smilingly, happily, but say no. Because in saying no to quadrant three and four, you're saying yes to quadrant two, and when you say yes to quadrant two, you make quadrant one increasingly small. And you're working on things that will matter most, not on things that will matter least. “Things which matter most”, Gerta wrote, “must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”

　　However, the problem is it takes certain capacities to work on quadrant two. What's the fundamental capacity? We've already talked about it. What is it? You have to proactive. Why? Quadrant one 9)works on you. Quadrant one 10)acts on you. Quadrant two must be acted upon. We are made in our essential humanity to act and not be acted upon. That's quadrant two. All deep relationship building, quadrant two. Planning and organizing, quadrant two. Personal preparation, quadrant two. Exercise, quadrant two. Reading - broad, deep reading, continuing education, quadrant two.

　　Quadrant two is the key.

　　1) matrix  n. 矩阵           

　　2) quadrant  n. 象限，四分仪     

　　3) beat up: 惊扰；（俚语）痛殴

　　4) burn out: （炉等）因燃料缺乏而停烧 

　　5) fatigue  vt. 使疲劳，使心智衰弱 6) ya: 即口语化的”you”。

　　7) workable  a. 可经营的，可使用的    8) prevention  n. 预防，防止

　　9) work on: 设法说服，影响   

　　10) act on: 对……起作用；按照……行动

 

积极人生从7个习惯开始(4)
  史蒂芬.r.科维（著）

　　最后是第七个习惯：自我提升。这是一个自理式习惯。这个习惯一旦你做得正确，做得彻底，做得有规律性，其他六个习惯就会自动地得到发扬。这被称为“磨锯”。所谓磨锯就是保存并完善你最宝贵的资产--你自己。是每日不断地对你的天性的四方面进行自我提升：体格上、心智上、精神上、以及社交情感上。
　 磨锯基本上就是指磨练这四个方面，然后安排好生活，使你有时间做象限二的事。每天最少用一个小时。我相信要想坚持其余的六个习惯，要真正做好其余六个习惯，花的时间还要多些。要做些什么呢？体格运动，最好是有伸展性的、有氧运动的、以及可以练一点肌肉的，将三者结合一起来做。有氧运动是指帮助心血管和呼吸系统获得氧气、增强身体机能的运动。那是保持精力、氧气和兴趣的关键。在有氧运动后来些简单的伸展运动，以柔软体操举重等自然运动对肌肉进行锻炼也是很有好处的。如果人们每隔一天用至少30分钟的时间来培养这一习惯，他们就能比只勉强做一点点能让身体得到更好地增强工作能力。如果他们用半小时来锻炼，身体会工作得更好，心脏肌肉也更强壮，压进身体里的氧气越多，也就越有活力，内在的精力越充沛。因此我建议你下定决心，如果现在你还没有一个好的运动计划，就制订一个。做些伸展运动，然后好好走一走、跑一跑，骑骑车、游游泳。譬如进行一个20分钟左右的快走，最后再做伸展运动和柔软体操，你就完成了一个最小量的运动计划。那么如果你一周只在这上边花3个小时，而一周总共是有168个小时呢!那会否与你唯一的锻炼方式不成比例？我想最好是每天或每隔一天用一个钟头来做运动，至少每周四天或者隔天要有半小时的时间。
　 提到精神锻炼那要涉及到第二个习惯。也就是说，精神运动通过这个习惯让你继续确立已形成的良好的价值观体系。你所做的是按照一种符合于自己观念的方式，做出的效果就不一样了。一些人阅读名著甚至神学作品，还有些人冥想、祷告，深思事物的根本，这种我们称之为的精神活动的运动为第二个习惯提供了领导力。然后用大脑来计划、行动、并保持领导力即成了第三个习惯，因此你就能看到和计划那周的角色与目标，每天进行温习，保证你的生活与职责和总方向、总目标是一致的。那是智力上的习惯，智力创造出了第二和第三个习惯。精神创造是第二个习惯，智力创造是第二个习惯的部分内容，因为你还是在做计划、在思考。但智力上要保持在第三个习惯还有一定的困难，因为也许会有些分散精力的、诱人的事物使你慢慢地妥协、转到没那么重要或紧急的事物上去。磨砺社交情感包括了第四、五、六个习惯，于是你对自己说：“我要以双赢的态度去赢来好感，我要首先寻求去理解他人，然后再让自己被他人所理解。但在我还没有理解好他人之前，我不刻意追求让自己被他人理解。然后我要与那人一起讨论解决问题，看看能否共同协作出比一开始我们相互提议出的更好的方法，做出更贴近心意的协调。”
　 以上是人类性格中的四个基本方面，但也基本表达并阐明了其他所有的习惯，如果这个习惯做得好，并做得有规律，它的效果就会如上述般理想。

 

 

THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFEC

(Have you read this book before? It's one of the best-sellers around the world several years ago. I just happened to find the following summary in English, so paste it here, hope you'll enjoy.)

By Stephen R. Covey

The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People is a comprehensive program based on developing an awareness of how perceptions and assumptions hinder success---in business as well as personal relationships. Here's an approach that will help broaden your way of thinking and lead to greater opportunities and effective problem solving.

Habit 1: Be Pro-Active
Take the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.

Habit 2: Begin With an End in Mind
Start with a clear destination to understand where you are now, where you're going and what you value most.

Habit 3: Put First Things First
Manage yourself. Organize and execute around priorities.

Habit 4: Think Win/Win
See life as a cooperative, not a comprehensive arena where success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others.

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
Understand then be understood to build the skills of empathetic listening that inspires openness and trust.

Habit 6: Synergize
Apply the principles of cooperative creativity and value differences.

Habit 7: Renewal / Sharpen the Saw
Preserving and enhancing your greatest asset, yourself, by renewing the physical, spiritual, mental and social/emotional dimensions of your nature.

Stephen R. Covey is the most respected motivator in the business world today. Learn to use his 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People--and see how they can change your life.

The Six Step Process (Overview):
* Step 1: Connect to Mission
* Step 2: Review Roles
* Step 3: Identify Goals
* Step 4: Organize Weekly
* Step 5: Exercise Integrity
* Step 6: Evaluate
* Using the Seven Habits Tools

 

 

《高效能人士的7个习惯》The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.pdf

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People《高效能人士的7个习惯》

美国公司员工人手一册的书！美国政府机关公务员人手一册的书！美国军队官兵人手一册的书！全球销量超亿册！
史蒂芬·柯维的“高效能人士的七个习惯”对公司的运作系统的发展起到了重要的作用。我们对客户的承诺和对质量的精益求精源自于“高效能人士的七个习惯”的理念。

高效能人士的七个习惯

习惯一：积极主动的心态（BE PROACTIVE）

即采取积极主动的态度，为自己过去、现在和将来的行为负责，并依据原则及价值观，而非情绪和外在的环境来做出决定。积极主动的人是改变的主动者，他们扬弃被动的受害者角色，发挥人类特有的四项天赋——自觉、良知、想象力和自主意志，由内而外的来创造新的天地。积极主动者选择创造自己的生命，而不是选择被动的逆来顺受，这也是每个人最基本的决定。积极主动的心态使你从生不逢时的自怨自艾中解脱出来，面对现实，不再一味的埋怨和等待，从自身开始积极的思考和行动来创造新的未来。

习惯二：从设定目标开始（BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND）

所有的事情都经过两次的创造：先是在脑海里酝酿，其次才是实质性的创造。个人、家庭、团队和组织在做任何计划时，均先拟出远景和目标，并据此塑造未来，全身心地投入自己最重视的原则、价值观和目标上。对个人、家庭或组织而言，宗旨和使命是远景的最高形式，它是主要的决策，主宰了所有其它的决定。

习惯三：要事第一的做事原则（PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST）

要事第一，是你的梦想的组织和实践，是你的目标、远景、价值观及要事处理顺序。次要的事不必摆在第一，要事也不能放在第二。无论迫切性如何，个人和组织针对要事而来。重点是：一定要把实现你的目标的要事放在第一位去思考和处理。

习惯四：双赢思维是协作的基础（THINK WIN/WIN）

双赢思维是一种基于互敬，需求互惠的思考框架和心意。目的是为了获得更丰盛的机会、财富和资源，而非你死我活的的敌对式竞争。双赢即非损人利己（赢-输），亦非损己利人（输-赢）。我们的工作伙伴及家庭成员都要从互相依赖的角度来思考（是“我们”而非“我”）。双赢思维鼓励我们共同解决问题，并协助个人找到互惠的解决办法，是资讯、力量、认可和报酬的分享。
习惯五：真正沟通来源于知彼解己（SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND,THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD）
当我们舍弃说教，改以了解的心态去倾听别人，便能开启真正的沟通，增强彼此的关系。对方获得了解后，会觉得受到尊重和认可，进而开放心扉，坦然而谈，双方对彼此的了解也就更流畅自然。知彼需要仁慈心；认识自己更需要勇气，能平衡两者的关系，则能大幅的提升沟通的效率。

习惯六：协同效应（SYNERGIZE）

协同是创造第三种选择：即非按照我的方式，亦非遵循你的方式，而是第三种远胜过个人之见的办法。它是相互尊重的结果：不但了解彼此，而且彼此称许差距及互补，互相欣赏对方解决问题及掌握机会的手法。个人的力量是团队和家庭协同效应的基础，能使整体获得一加一大于二的成效。实践协同的人际关系和团队建设会扬弃敌对的态度（1+1=1/2），不以妥协为目标（1+1=1），也不仅止于简单的组合（1+1=2），他们要的是创造式的合作（1+1=3或更多）。

习惯七：不断更新（SHAPPEN THE SAW）

不断的更新是，如何在四个基本的生活方面（身体、精神、心智、社会情感）中不断的更新自己。身体：适当运动和营养保持健康；精神：荡涤心灵尘埃，陶冶精神，掌握人生方向；心智：不要停止自我教育，读书和写作是砥砺心智的重要途径；社会情感：历练待人处事之道。习惯七可以提升其他六个习惯的实施效率。对组织而言，七个习惯提供了远景、更新及不断的改善，使组织不至于呈现老化及疲态，并能够迈向新的成长之径。对家庭而言，七个习惯透过固定的个人及家庭活动，使家庭效能升级，使家庭日新月异。

前三个习惯（习惯一到习惯三）是有关个人成功的习惯，可以大幅的提高您的自信。您将更能认清自己的本质、内心深处的价值观以及个人独特的才干和能力。凡是秉持自己的信念而活，就能产生自尊、自重和自制力。至于追求公众成功的三个习惯（习惯四到习惯六），能够帮助您重建以往恶化、甚至断绝了的人际关系。原本不错的交情则更加巩固。习惯七可加强前面六个习惯，时时为您充电，达到真正的独立与成功的互相依赖。

 

Habit 1: Be Proactive

The first and most basic habit of a highly effective person in any environment is the habit of proactivity. Being proactive means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.

Look the word responsibility—response-ability—the ability to choose your responses. Highly proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.

The opposite of proactive is reactive, The spirit of reactive people is the transfer of responsibility. Their language absolves them of responsibility.

"That's me. That's just the way I am." I am determined. There's nothing I can do about it.

"He makes me so mad!" I'm not responsible. My emotional life is governed by something outside of my control.

Many behavioral scientists have built reactive, deterministic, stimulus-response models of human behavior. The basic idea is that we are conditioned to respond in a particular way to a particular stimulus. In contrast, the proactive model states that between stimulus and response lies our freedom to choose our response.

Proactive people focus their time and energy on their Circle of Influence (things they can control) in lieu of reacting to or worrying about conditions over which they have little or no control (Circle of Concern). In so doing, proactive people use positive energy to influence conditions and increase their Circle of Influence.

Viktor Frankl

Viktor Frankl, a Jewish prisoner held in a concentration camp during World War II, learned about the reality of proactivity as the "last of the human freedoms."

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked throughout the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl

Gandhi

Look at Gandhi. While his accusers were in the legislative chambers criticizing him because he wouldn't join in their Circle of Concern rhetoric condemning the British Empire for their subjugation of the Indian people, Gandhi was out in the rice paddies, quietly, slowly, imperceptibly expanding his Circle of Influence with the field laborers. A ground swell of support, of trust, of confidence, followed him through the countryside. Though he held no office or political position, through compassion, courage, fasting, and moral persuasion he eventually brought England to its knees, breaking political domination of three hundred million people with the power of his greatly expanded Circle of Influence.

 

 
Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

To begin with the end in mind means to begin each day with a clear understanding of your desired direction and destination. By keeping that end in mind you can make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not violate the criteria you have defined as supremely important, and that each day of your life contributes in a meaningful way to the vision you have of your life as a whole.

It's incredibly easy to get caught up in an activity trap, in the busy-ness of life, to work harder and harder at climbing the ladder of success only to discover, upon reaching the top rung, that the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall. It is possible to be busy, very busy, without being very effective.

People often find themselves achieving victories that are empty, successes that have come at the expense of things they suddenly realize were far more valuable to them. If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster.

Begin with the end in mind is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There's a mental or first creation and a physical or second creation. The second, or physical creation, follows from the first, just as a building follows from a blueprint. In our personal lives, if we do not develop our own self-awareness and become responsible for first creations, we empower other people and circumstances to shape our lives by default.

Habit 2 is based on imagination—the ability to envision, to see the potential, to create with our minds what we cannot at present see with our eyes; and conscience—the ability to detect our own uniqueness and the personal, moral, and ethical guidelines within which we can most happily fulfill it.

Leadership is the first creation. Management is the second creation. Management is a bottom line focus: How can I best accomplish certain things? Leadership deals with the top line: What are the things I want to accomplish? In the words of both Peter Drucker and Warren Bennis, "Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things." Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall.

The most effective way we know to begin with the end in mind is to develop a personal mission statement, philosophy or creed. It focuses on what you want to be (character) and to do (contributions and achievements) and on the values or principles upon which being and doing are based. Because each person is unique, a personal mission statement will reflect that uniqueness, both in content and form.

A personal mission statement based upon principles becomes a standard for an individual. It becomes a personal constitution, the basis for making major, life-directing decisions, the basis for making daily decisions in the midst of change.

"Begin with the End in Mind" is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There's a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things.

Take construction of a home, for example. You create it in every detail before you ever hammer the first nail into place. You try to get a very clear sense of what kind of house you want. If you want a family-centered home, you plan a family room where it would be a natural gathering place. You plan sliding doors and a patio for children to play outside. You work with ideas. You work with your mind until you get a clear image of what you want to build.

Then you reduce it to blueprint and develop construction plans. All of this is done before the earth is touched. If not, then in the second creation, the physical creation, you will have to make expensive changes that may double the cost of your home.

The carpenter's rule is "measure twice, cut once." You have to make sure that the blueprint, the first creation, is really what you want, that you've thought everything thorough. Then you put it into bricks and mortar. Each day you go to the construction shed and pull out the blueprint to get marching orders for the day. You Begin with the End in Mind.

 

Habit 3: Put First Things First

What are first things? First things are those things that you, personally, find most worth doing. They move you in the right direction and help you achieve the purpose expressed in your mission statement.

Put First Things First involves organizing and managing time and events according to the personal priorities established in Habit 2 (Begin with the End in Mind). Habit 2 is the first or mental creation. Habit 3, then, is the second, or physical creation. It's the day-in, day-out, moment by moment doing it.

E.M. Gray spent his life searching for the one denominator that all successful people share. The one factor that seemed to transcend all the rest embodies the essence of Habit 3—putting first things first. In his essay, The Common Denominator of Success, he writes: "The successful person has the habit of doing the things failures don't like to do. They don't like doing them either necessarily. But their disliking is subordinated to the strength of their purpose."

Basically, we spend our time in one of four ways, as illustrated in the time management matrix. This matrix defines activities as "urgent" or "not urgent" and "important" or "not important." With careful analysis, most people discover that they spend far too much time responding to the urgent crisis of Quadrants I and III, escaping occasionally for survival to the non-urgent, unimportant time wasters of Quadrant IV.

Most of the activities essential to the development of the Seven Habits—creating a personal mission statement, identifying long range goals, nurturing relationships, and obtaining regular physical, spiritual, mental, and social-emotional renewal—are all Quadrant II activities. They are "important"—vitally important—but because they aren't "urgent," they often don't get done. We must be proactive rather than reactive to do the important but not urgent things. Only by saying no to the unimportant can we say yes to the important (Quadrant II).

Habit 3 involves a six step process that can help you act on the basis of importance and close the gap between what matters most to you and what you actually spend your time doing.

"When I was director of university relations at a large university, I hired a very talented, proactive, creative writer. One day, after he had been on the job for a few months, I went into his office and asked him to work on some urgent matters that were pressing on me.

"Then he took me over to his wallboard, where he had listed over two dozen projects he was working on, together with performance criteria and deadline dates that had been clearly negotiated before. He was highly disciplined, which is why I went to see him in the first place. 'If you want to get something done, give it to a busy man.'

"Then he said, 'Stephen, to do the jobs that you want done right would take several days. Which of these projects would you like me to delay or cancel to satisfy your request?'

"Well, I didn't want to take the responsibility for that. I didn't want to create an obstacle for the most productive people on the staff just because I happened to be managing by crisis at the time. The jobs I wanted done were urgent, but not important. So I went and found another crisis manager and gave the job to him."

 

 

Habit 4: Think Win-Win

In relationships and businesses, effectiveness is largely achieved through the cooperative efforts of two or more people. Marriages and other partnerships are interdependent realities, and yet people often approach these relationships with an independent mentality, which is like trying to play golf with a tennis racket—the tool isn't suited to the sport.

Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparisons and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing. That is, if I win, you lose. Or if you win, I lose. There is only so much pie and if you get a big piece there is less for me. People with this type of Scarcity Mentality find it difficult to share recognition and power, and to be happy for the successes of others, especially those closest to them.

Win-Win, on the other hand, is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person's success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others. Win-Win sees life as a cooperative, not a competitive arena. Win-Win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-Win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying.

Character is the foundation of Win-Win, and everything else builds on that foundation. There are three character traits essential to the win-win paradigm.

· Integrity—integrity is the value we place on ourselves, being true to our values and commitments.

· Abundance Mentality—people with an abundance mentality believe there is plenty for everyone.

· Maturity—a mature person can express his feelings and convictions with courage balanced with consideration for the feelings and convictions of others.

Win-Win Agreements are effective tools for establishing the Win-Win foundations necessary for long term effectiveness and may be created between employers and employees, between teams, between companies and suppliers, between any two or more people who need to interact to accomplish. In the Win-Win agreement, the following five elements are made explicit.

· Desired results (not methods) identify what is to be done and when.

· Guidelines specify the parameters (principles, policies, etc.) within which results are to be accomplished

· Resources identify the human, financial, technical, or organizational support available to help accomplish the results.

· Accountability sets up the standards of performance and the time of evaluation

· Consequences specify—good and bad, natural and logical—what does and what will happen as a result of achieving or not achieving desired results

A 19-year-old woman was watching television one night when a local newscaster announced a celebration to be held in Reno's San Raphael Park. It was to be a homecoming celebration for all the soldiers returning from Desert Storm. About 40,000 people were anticipated.

The announcement sent a shock running through Melissa; her wedding was scheduled for the same day and at the same park as the celebration. She'd scheduled it six months in advance, and the more she thought about the situation, the more her shock turned to frustration.

After a restless night, she got up in the morning and called the individual with whom she had made the park reservation, and asked, "How could you do this?"

The person responsible for scheduling said, "Well, they haven't really okayed it with us—the public awareness is such that we're under pressure to do it."

Melissa ended the conversation feeling more frustrated than ever. She began thinking about the principle of win-win, which she had learned about in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People class, and she decided this situation would provide a good opportunity for win-win.

She then decided to call a member of the Desert Storm homecoming committee. The committee member explained that neither she nor the rest of the committee was adamant about holding the event at San Raphael Park, but after a brainstorming session, someone had leaked the idea for that location to the press—and now that the announcement had hit the public, the committee member said she didn't have a response for Melissa.

Melissa began to picture her wedding with the pastor speaking through a bullhorn in order to compete with the noise of 40,000 people, jets flying overhead, troops in formation, etc. And she just knew it wouldn't work. So, she began thinking of other places the committee could hold the event. She remembered the Fourth of July event held annually at Mackey Stadium, and she wondered, "Why couldn't the two be combined?"

That's when Melissa, a college student with no substantial "connections" with community decision makers, called the head of the Fourth of July committee with an interest in mind and desire to find a solution for both parties.

She called and asked, "What would you think about combining this homecoming ceremony for the troops with your Skyfire celebration?" To her amazement (and relief) the committee agreed to the idea, and when Melissa went back to the homecoming committee with the new option, they also accepted the idea—and invited her to join the committee. Her idea really added to the impact of the community event, and salvaged her wedding location as well.

Seven Habits Participant Manual

 

 

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

Communication is the most important skill in life. We spend most of our waking hours communicating. But consider this: You've spent years learning how to read and write. Years learning how to speak. But what about listening? What training or education have you had that enables you to listen so that you really, deeply understand another human being from that individuals' own frame of reference?

Seeking first to understand, or diagnosing before you prescribe, is a correct principle manifest in many areas of life. A wise doctor will diagnose before writing a prescription. A good engineer will understand the forces, the stresses at work, before designing the bridge. An effective salesperson first seeks to understand the needs of the customer before offering a product. Similarly, an effective communicator will first seek to understand another's views before seeking to be understood. Until people feel properly diagnosed they will not be open to prescriptions.

We typically seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They're either speaking or preparing to speak. They're filtering everything through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people's lives.

"Oh, I know exactly how you feel."

"I went through the very same thing. Let me tell you about my experience."

They're constantly projecting their own home movies onto other's behavior.

In contrast, empathic (from empathy) listening gets inside another person's frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the way they see it, you understand how they feel. This does not mean that you agree necessarily, simply that you understand their point of view.

Empathic listening is, in and of itself, a tremendous deposit in the Emotional Bank Account of another. Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival, to be affirmed, to be appreciated, to be understood. When you listen with empathy to another person, you give that person psychological air.

Empathic listening is also risky. It takes a great deal of security to go into a deep listening experience because you open yourself up to be influenced. You become vulnerable. It's a paradox, in a sense, because in order to have influence, you have to be influenced. You have to really understand.

Once we understand, we can proceed with the second step of the interaction: seeking to be understood. Because the other person's need to be understood has been satisfied, we are much more likely to have influence and to be understood ourselves.

A father once told me, "I can't understand my kid. He just won't listen to me at all."

"Let me restate what you just said," I replied. "You don't understand your son because he won't listen to you?"

"That's right," he replied.

"Let me try again," I said. "You don't understand your son because he won't listen to you?"

"That's what I said," he impatiently replied.

"I thought that to understand another person, you needed to listen to him," I suggested.

"Oh!" he said. There was a long pause. "Oh!" he said again, as the light began to dawn. "Oh, yeah! But I do understand him. I know what he's going through. I went through the same thing myself. I guess what I don't understand is why he won't listen to me."

This man didn't have the vaguest idea of what was really going on inside his boy's head. He looked into his own head and thought he saw the world, including his boy.

 

 

Habit 6: Synergize

　

Synergy is everywhere in nature. The intermingled roots of two plants growing closely together improve the quality of the soil. Two pieces of wood bonded together hold much more than the total of the weight held by each separately. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. One plus one equals three or more.

The principle of synergy also holds true in social interactions. Two people, creatively cooperating, will be able to produce far better results than either one could alone. Synergy lets us discover jointly things that we are much less likely to discover by ourselves. It occurs when minds stimulate each other and ideas call forth ideas. I say something that stimulates your mind; you respond with an idea that stimulates mine. I share that new idea with you, and the process repeats itself and even builds.

Synergy works. It is the crowning achievement of all the previous habits. It is effectiveness in an interdependent reality—it is teamwork, team building, the development of unity and creativity with other human beings.

Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy—the mental, the emotional, the physiological differences between people. And the key to valuing those differences is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are. When we value differences and bring different perspectives together in the spirit of mutual respect, people then feel free to seek the best possible alternative, often the Third Alternative, one that is substantially better than either of the original proposals. Finding a third alternative is not compromise, but represents a Win-win solution for both parties.

The person who is truly effective has the humility and reverence to recognize his own perceptual limitations and to appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with the hearts and minds of other human beings. That person values the differences because those differences add to his knowledge, to his understanding of reality. When we're left to our own experiences, we constantly suffer from a shortage of data.

Insecure people, in contrast, tend to make others in their own image and surround themselves with people who think similarly. They mistake uniformity for unity, sameness with oneness. Real oneness means complementariness. The chance for synergy is greater when two people tend not to see things in the same way. Differences, therefore, become an opportunity. If two people have the same opinion, one is unnecessary.

Stephen R. Covey:

I'll never forget a university class I taught in leadership philosophy and style. We were about three weeks into a semester when, in the middle of a presentation, one person started to relate some very powerful personal experiences which were both emotional and insightful. A spirit of humility and reverence fell upon the class—reverence toward this individual and appreciation for his courage.

This spirit became fertile soil for a synergistic and creative endeavor. Others began to pick up on it, sharing some of their experiences and insights and even some of their self-doubts. The spirit of trust and safety prompted many to become extremely open. Rather than present what they prepared, they fed on each other's insights and ideas and started to create a whole new scenario as to what that class could mean.

I was deeply involved in the process. In fact, I was almost mesmerized by it because it seemed so magical and creative. And I found myself gradually loosening up my commitment to the structure of the class and sensing entirely new possibilities. It wasn't just a flight of fancy; there was a sense of maturity and stability and substance which transcended by far the old structure and plan.

We abandoned the old syllabus, the purchased textbooks, and all the presentation plans, and we set up new purposes and projects and assignments. We became so excited about what was happening that in about three more weeks, we all sensed an overwhelming desire to share what was happening with others.

We decided to write a book containing our learnings and insights on the subject of our study—principles of leadership. Assignments were changed, new projects undertaken, new teams formed. People worked much harder than they ever would have in the original class structure, and for an entirely different set of reasons.

Out of this experience emerged an extremely unique, cohesive, and synergistic culture that did not end with the semester. For years, alumni meetings were held among members of that class. Even today, many years later, when we see each other, we talk about it and often attempt to describe what happened and why.

One of the interesting things to me was how little time had transpired before there was sufficient trust to create such synergy. I think it was largely because the people were relatively mature. They were in the final semester of their senior year, and I think they wanted more than just another good classroom experience. They were hungry for something new and exciting, something that they could create that was truly meaningful. It was "an idea whose time had come" for them.

In addition, the chemistry was right. I felt that experiencing synergy was more powerful than talking about it, that producing something new was more meaningful than simply reading something old.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, pages 265-267

Envision the following scenario:

It's vacation time, and a husband wants to take his family out to the lake country to enjoy camping and fishing. This is important to him; he's been planning it all year. He's made reservations at a cottage on the lake and arranged to rent a boat, and his sons are really excited about going.

His wife, however, wants to use the vacation time to visit her ailing mother some 250 miles away. She doesn't have the opportunity to see her very often, and this is important to her.

Their differences could be the cause of a major negative experience.

"The plans are set. The boys are excited. We should go on the fishing trip," he says.

"But we don't know how much longer my mother will be around, and I want to be by her," she replies. "This is our only opportunity to have enough time to do that."

"All year long we've looked forward to this one-week vacation. The boys would be miserable sitting around grandmother's house for a week. They'd drive everybody crazy. Besides, your mother's not that sick. And she has your sister less than a mile away to take care of her."

"She's my mother, too. I want to be with her."

"You could phone her every night. And we're planning to spend time with her at the Christmas family reunion. Remember?"

"That's not for five more months. We don't even know if she'll still be here by then. Besides, she needs me, and she wants me."

"She's being well taken care of. Besides, the boys and I need you, too."

"My mother is more important than fishing."

"Your husband and sons are more important than your mother."

As they disagree, back and forth, they finally may come up with some kind of compromise. They may decide to split up—he takes the boys fishing at the lake while she visits her mother. And they both feel guilty and unhappy. The boys sense it, and it affects their enjoyment of the vacation.

The husband may give in to his wife, but he does it grudgingly. And consciously or unconsciously, he produces evidence to fulfill his prophecy of how miserable the week will be for everyone.

The wife may give in to her husband, but she's withdrawn and overreactive to any new developments in her mother's health situation. If her mother were to become seriously ill and die, the husband could never forgive himself, and she couldn't forgive him either.

Whatever compromise they finally agree on, it could be rehearsed over the years as evidence of insensitivity, neglect, or a bad priority decision on either part. It could be a source of contention for years and could even polarize the family. Many marriages that once were beautiful and soft and spontaneous and loving have deteriorated to the level of a hostility through a series of incidents just like this.

The husband and wife see the situation differently. And that difference can polarize them, separate them, create wedges in the relationship. Or it can bring them closer together on a higher level. If they have cultivated the habits of effective interdependence, they approach their differences from an entirely different paradigm. Their communication is on a higher level.

In searching for the "middle" or higher way, this husband and wife realize that their love, their relationship, is part of their synergy.

As they communicate, the husband really, deeply feels his wife's desire, her need to be with her mother. He understands how she wants to relieve her sister, who has had the primary responsibility for their mother's care. He understands that they really don't know how long she will be with them, and that she certainly is more important than fishing.

And the wife deeply understands her husband's desire to have the family together and to provide a great experience for the boys. She realizes the investment that has been made in lessons and equipment to prepare for this fishing vacation, and she feels the importance of creating good memories with them.

So they pool those desires. And they're not on opposite sides of the problem. They're together on one side, looking at the problem, understanding the needs, and working to create a Third Alternative that will meet them.

"Maybe we could arrange another time within the month for you to visit with your mother," he suggests. "I could take over the home responsibilities for the weekend and arrange for some help at the first of the week so that you could go. I know it's important to you to have that time.

"Or maybe we could locate a place to camp and fish that would be close to your mother. The area wouldn't be as nice, but we could still be outdoors and meet other needs as well. And the boys wouldn't be climbing the walls. We could even plan some recreational activities with the cousins, aunts, and uncles, which would be an added benefit."

They synergize. They communicate back and forth until they come up with a solution they both feel good about. It's better than the solutions either of them originally proposed. It's better than compromise. It's a synergistic solution that builds P and PC.

Instead of a transaction, it's a transformation. They get what they both really want and build their relationship in the process.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, pages 271-274

Stephen R. Covey:

One day I was presenting a seminar which I titled, "Manage from the Left, Lead from the Right" to a company in Orlando, Florida. during the break, the president of the company came up to me and said, "Stephen, this is intriguing. But I have been thinking about this material more in terms of its application to my marriage than to my business. My wife and I have a real communication problem. I wonder if you would have lunch with the two of us and just kind of watch how we talk to each other."

"Let's do it," I replied.

As we sat down together, we exchanged a few pleasantries. Then this man turned to his wife and said, "Now, honey, I've invited Stephen to have lunch with us to see if he could help us in our communication with each other. I know you feel I should be a more sensitive, considerate husband. Could you give me something specific you think I ought to do?" His dominant left brain wanted facts, figures, specifics, parts.

"Well, as I've told you before, it's nothing specific. It's more of a general sense I have about priorities." Her dominant right brain was dealing with sensing and with the gestalt, the whole, the relationship between the parts.

"What do you mean, 'a general feeling about priorities'? What is it you want me to do? Give me something specific I can get a handle on."

"Well, it's just a feeling." Her right brain was dealing in images, intuitive feelings. "I just don't think our marriage is as important to you as you tell me it is."

"Well, what can I do to make it more important? Give me something concrete and specific to go on."

"It's hard to put into words."

At that point, he just rolled his eyes and looked at me as if to say, "Stephen, could you endure this kind of dumbness in your marriage?"

"It's just a feeling," she said, "a very strong feeling."

"Honey," he said to her, "that's your problem. And that's the problem with your mother. In fact, it's the problem with every woman I know."

Then he began to interrogate her as though it were some kind of legal deposition.

"Do you live where you want to live?"

"That's not it," she sighed. "That's not it at all."

"I know," he replied with a forced patience. "But since you won't tell me exactly what it is, I figure the best way to find out what it is, is to find out what it is not. Do you live where you want to live?"

"I guess."

"Honey, Stephen's here for just a few minutes to try to help us. Just give me a quick 'yes' or 'no' answer. Do you live where you want to live?"

"Yes."

"Okay. That's settled. Do you have the things you want to have?"

"Yes."

"All right. Do you do the things you want to do?"

This went on for a little while, and I could see I wasn't helping at all. So I intervened and said, "Is this kind of how it goes in your relationship?"

"Every day, Stephen," he replied.

"It's the story of our marriage," she sighed.

I looked at the two of them and the thought crossed my mind that they were two half-brained people living together. "Do you have any children?" I asked.

"Yes, two."

"Really?" I asked incredulously. "How did you do it?"

"What do you mean how did we do it?"

"You were synergistic!" I said. "One plus one usually equals two. But you made one plus one equal four. Now that's synergy. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. So how did you do it?"

"You know how we did it," he replied.

"You must have valued the differences!" I exclaimed.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, pages 275-277

 

 

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

　

Note: Sharpen the Saw is Habit 7 of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. It is also the first role on the roles bar in the Seven Habits Tools.

Habit 7 is the habit that makes all the others possible. Sharpen the Saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have—you. It means having a balanced, systematic program for self-renewal in the four areas of our lives: physical, mental, emotional-social, and spiritual. Without this discipline, the body becomes weak, the mind mechanical, the emotions raw, the spirit insensitive, and the person selfish.

The physical self is the body. We build its strength through nutrition, exercise, and rest.

We exercise our mental self through learning—through reading, writing, challenging, and taking time to think.

We exercise our spiritual self through reading literature that inspires us, through meditation or prayer, and through spending time with nature.

We exercise our social-emotional self by making consistent daily deposits into the Emotional Bank Accounts of our key relationships.

This is the single most powerful investment we can ever make in life—investment in ourselves, in the only instrument we have with which to deal with life and to contribute. Yet when people get busy producing, or sawing, they seldom take time to Sharpen the Saw because maintenance seldom pays dramatic, immediate dividends.

This daily Private Victory is the key to the development of the Seven Habits, and it's completely within our control. Renewal is the principle and the process that empowers us to move on an upward spiral of growth and change, of continuous improvement.

Seven Habits Overview / Seven Habits Organizer

　

Things you do to Sharpen the Saw in any one dimension have a positive impact in other dimensions because they are so highly interrelated. Your physical health affects your mental health; your spiritual strength affections your social/emotional strength. As you improve in one dimension, you increase your ability in other dimensions as well.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People create optimum synergy among these dimensions. Renewal in any dimension increases your ability to live at least one of the Seven Habits. And although the habits are sequential, improvements in one habit synergetically increases your ability to live the rest.

Suppose you were to come upon someone in the woods working feverishly to saw down a tree.

"What are you doing?" you ask.

"Can't you see?" comes the impatient reply. "I'm sawing down this tree."

"You look exhausted!" you exclaim. "How long have you been at it?"

"Over five hours," he returns, "and I'm beat! This is hard work."

"Well, why don't you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen that saw?" you inquire. "I'm sure it would go a lot faster."

"I don't have time to sharpen the saw," the man says emphatically. "I'm too busy sawing."

Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, page 287

The physical dimension involves caring effectively for our physical body—eating the right kinds of foods, getting sufficient rest and relaxation, and exercising on a regular basis.

Most of us think we don't have enough time to exercise. What a distorted paradigm! We don't have time no to. We're talking about three to six hours a week—or a minimum of 30 minutes a day, every other day. That hardly seems an inordinate amount of time considering the tremendous benefits in terms of the impact on the other 162-165 hours of the week.

I was in a gym one time with a friend of mine who has a Ph.D. in exercise physiology. He was focusing on building strength. He asked me to "spot" him while he did some bench presses and told me at a certain point he'd ask me to take the weight. "But don't take it until I tell you," he said firmly.

So I watched and waited and prepared to take the weight. The weight went up and down, up and down. And I could see it begin to get harder. But he kept going. He would start to push it up and I'd think, "There's no way he's going to make it." But he'd make it. Then he'd slowly bring it back down and start back up again. Up and down, up and down.

Finally, as I looked at his face, straining with the effort, his blood vessels practically jumping out of his skin, I thought, "This is going to fall and collapse his chest. Maybe I should take the weight. Maybe he's lost control and he doesn't even know what he's doing." But he'd get it safely down. Then he'd start back up again. I couldn't believe it.

When he finally told me to take the weight, I said, "Why did you wait so long?"

"Almost all the benefit of the exercise comes at the very end, Stephen," he replied. "I'm trying to build strength. And that doesn't happen until the muscle fiber ruptures and the nerve fiber registers the pain. Then nature overcompensates and within 48 hours, the fiber is made stronger."

I could see his point. It's the same principle that works with emotional muscles as well, such as patience. When you exercise your patience beyond your past limits, the emotional fiber is broken, nature overcompensates, and next time the fiber is stronger.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, pages 289-291

The social and the emotional dimensions of our lives are tied together because our emotional life is primarily, but not exclusively, developed out of and manifested in our relationships with others.

Perhaps you are familiar with the musical, Man of La Mancha. It's a beautiful story about a medieval knight who meets a woman of the street, a prostitute. She's being validated in her lifestyle by all of the people in her life.

But this poet knight sees something else in her, something beautiful and lovely. He also sees her virtue, and he affirms it, over and over again. He gives her a new name—Dulcinea—a new name associated with a new paradigm.

At first, she utterly denies it; her old scripts are overpowering. She writes him off as a wild-eyed fantasizer. But he is persistent. He makes continual deposits of unconditional love and gradually it penetrates her scripting. It goes down into her true nature, her potential, and she starts to respond. Little by little, she begins to change her life-style. She believes it and she acts from her new paradigm, to the initial dismay of everyone else in her life.

Later, when she begins to revert to her old paradigm, he calls her to his deathbed and sings that beautiful song, "The Impossible Dream," looks her in the eyes, and whispers, "Never forget, you're Dulcinea."

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, page 300

Continuing surveys indicate that television is on in most homes some 35 to 45 hours a week. That's as much time as many people put into their jobs, more than most put into school. It's the most powerful socializing influence there is. And when we watch, we're subject to all the values that are being taught through it. That can powerfully influence us in very subtle and imperceptible ways.

In our family, we limit television watching to around seven hours a week, an average of about an hour a day. We had a family council at which we talked about it and looked at some of the data regarding what's happening in homes because of television. We found that by discussing it as a family when no one was defensive or argumentative, people started to realize the dependent sickness of becoming addicted to soap operas or to a steady diet of a particular program.

I'm grateful for television and for the many high quality educational and entertainment programs. They can enrich our lives and contribute meaningfully to our purposes and goals. But there are many programs that simply waste our time and minds and many that influence us in negative ways if we let them. Like the body, television is a good servant but a poor master. We need to practice Habit 3 and manage ourselves effectively to maximize the use of any resource in accomplishing our missions.

Education—continuing education, continually honing and expanding the mind—is vital mental renewal. sometimes that involves the external discipline of the classroom or systematized study programs; more often it does not. Proactive people can figure out many, many ways to educate themselves.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, page 295

The spiritual dimension is your core, your center, your commitment to your value system. It's a very private area of life and a supremely important one. It draws upon the sources that inspire and uplift you and tie you to the timeless truths of all humanity. And people do it very, very differently.

Arthur Gordon shares a wonderful, intimate story of his own spiritual renewal in a little story called "The Turn of the Tide." It tells of a time in his life when he began to feel that everything was stale and flat. His enthusiasm waned; his writing efforts were fruitless. And the situation was growing worse day by day.

Finally, he determined to get help from a medical doctor. Observing nothing physically wrong, the doctor asked him if he would be able to follow his instructions for one day.

When Gordon replied that he could, the doctor told him to spend the following day in the place where he was happiest as a child. He could take food, but he was not to talk to anyone or to read or write or listen to the radio. He then wrote out four prescriptions and told him to open one at nine, twelve, three, and six o'clock.

"Are you serious?" Gordon asked him.

"You won't think I'm joking when you get my bill!" was the reply.

So the next morning, Gordon went to the beach. As he opened the first prescription, he read "Listen carefully." He thought the doctor was insane. How could he listen for three hours? But he had agreed to follow the doctor's orders, so he listened. He heard the usual sounds of the sea and the birds. After a while, he could hear the other sounds that weren't so apparent at first. As he listened, he began to think of lessons the sea had taught him as a child—patience, respect, an awareness of the interdependence of things. He began to listen to the sounds—and the silence—and to feel a growing peace.

At noon, he opened the second slip of paper and read "Try reaching back." "Reaching back to what?" he wondered. Perhaps to childhood, perhaps to memories of happy times. He thought about his past, about the many little moments of joy. He tried to remember them with exactness. And in remembering, he found a growing warmth inside.

At three o'clock, he opened the third piece of paper. Until now, the prescriptions had been easy to take. But this one was different; it said "Examine your motives." At first he was defensive. He thought about what he wanted—success, recognition, security, and he justified them all. But then the thought occurred to him that those motives weren't good enough, and that perhaps therein was the answer to his stagnant situation.

He considered his motives deeply. He thought about past happiness. And at last, the answer came to him.

"In a flash of certainty," he wrote, "I saw that if one's motives are wrong, nothing can be right. It makes no difference whether you are a mailman, a hairdresser, an insurance salesman, a housewife—whatever. As long as you feel you are serving others, you do the job well. When you are concerned only with helping yourself, you do it less well—a law as inexorable as gravity."

When six o'clock came, the final prescription didn't take long to fill. "Write your worries on the sand," it said. He knelt and wrote several words with a piece of broken shell; then he turned and walked away. He didn't look back; he knew the tide would come in.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, pages 292-294