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读书笔记 - 机器学习实战 - 4 利用概率理论进行分类：朴素贝叶斯

4 朴素贝叶斯（Classifying with probability theory: naive Bayes）

软判决：最佳判别及其概率估计

4.1 贝叶斯决策（Classifying with Bayesian decision theory）

朴素贝叶斯（贝叶斯决策理论的一个分支）

优点：能处理样本量小，多分类问题

缺点：对输入数据如何表示敏感

适用范围：标称值

两类数据，c1和c2，分布函数分别为 $p_1(x,y)$ 和 $p_2(x,y)$

判别准则：

若 $p_1(x,y) > p_2(x,y)$ ，则判决为c1；

若 $p_2(x,y) > p_1(x,y)$ ，则判决为c2；

即，选择概率高的类别

PS：

贝叶斯概率（bayesian probability）：将先验知识和逻辑应用到未知状态的判别中；
频率概率（frequency probability）：仅从数据本身抽取结论，并不考虑先验知识和逻辑。

4.2 条件概率（Conditional probability）

条件概率

条件概率是指事件A在另外一个事件B已经发生条件下的发生概率，表示为： $P (A ∣ B)$ ，读作“在B的条件下A的概率（the probability of A given B）”。若只有两个事件A、B，则
$P(A|B)=\frac{P(AB)}{P(B)}$

概率测度

如果事件B的概率 $P (B) > 0$ ，那么 $Q (A) = P (A ∣ B)$ 在所有事件A上所定义的函数Q就是概率测度。如果 $P (B) = 0$ ， $P (A ∣ B)$ 没有定义。条件概率可以用决策树进行计算。

联合概率

表示两个事件共同发生的概率。A与B的联合概率表示为 $P (A B)$ 。

边缘概率

是某个事件发生的概率，而与其它事件无关。边缘概率是这样得到的：在联合概率中，把最终结果中不需要的那些事件合并成其事件的全概率而消失（对离散随机变量用求和得全概率，对连续随机变量用积分得全概率），这称为边缘化（marginalization）。A的边缘概率表示为 $P (A)$ ，B的边缘概率表示为 $P (B)$ 。

贝叶斯准则

$P(B|A)=\frac{P(A|B)P(B)}{P(A)}$

4.3 利用条件概率分类（Classifying with conditional probability）

已知 $c_1$ 、 $c_2$ 的概率分布 $p(c_1)$ 、 $p(c_2)$ ，点 $(x, y)$ 来自 $c_1$ 、 $c_2$ 的概率分别为 $p(x,y|c_1)$ 和 $p(x,y|c_2)$ 。当观察到点 $(x, y)$ 时，若要判别其来自 $c_1$ 还是 $c_2$ ，需比较 $p(c_1|x,y)$ 和 $p(c_2|x,y)$ ，二者可由贝叶斯准则得到
$p(c_i|x,y)=\frac{p(x,y|c_i)p(c_i)}{p(x,y)}$

4.4 利用朴素贝叶斯进行文本分类（Document classification with naïve Bayes）

朴素贝叶斯步骤：

收集数据

准备：数值型或布尔型数据

分析：特征数量大时，通常采用直方图

训练：计算各独立特征的条件概率

测试：计算错误率

使用：

朴素贝叶斯假设：

所有特征统计独立（statistical independence），即朴素（naive）
所有特征同等重要

PS：上述两个假设通常是不成立的，但朴素贝叶斯分类器在实践中依然取得了不错的结果。

4.5 文本分类实现（Classifying text with Python）

分词（token）是字符的任意组合。

4.5.1 准备：文本->词向量（Prepare: making word vectors from text）

将句子转为词向量（word (token) vector）。

# List 4.1 Word list to vector function

def loadDataSet():
    postingList = [["my", "dog", "has", "fles",
                    "problems", "help", "please"],
                   ["maybe", "not", "take", "him",
                    "to", "dog", "park", "stupid"],
                   ["my", "dalmation", "is", "so", "oute",
                    "I", "love", "him"],
                   ["stop", "posting", "stupid", "worthless",
                    "garbage"],
                   ["mr", "licks", "ate", "my", "steak",
                    "how", "to", "stop", "him"],
                   ["quit", "buying", "worthless", "dog",
                    "food", "stupid"]]
    classVec = [0, 1, 0, 1, 0, 1]    # 1 is abusive, 0 not
    return postingList, classVec

def createVocabList(dataSet):
    
    # create an empty set
    vocabSet = set([])
    for document in dataSet:
        # create the union of two sets
        vocabSet = vocabSet | set(document)
    return list(vocabSet)

# one-hot encoding
def setOfWords2Vec(vocabList, inputSet):
    # create a vector of all 0s
    returnVec = [0] * len(vocabList)
    for word in inputSet:
        if word in vocabList:
            returnVec[vocabList.index(word)] = 1
        else:
            print("the word: {} is not in my Vocabulary!".format(word))
    return returnVec

listOPosts, listClasses = loadDataSet()
myVocabList = createVocabList(listOPosts)
print(myVocabList)
print(listOPosts[0])
print(setOfWords2Vec(myVocabList, listOPosts[0]))
print(listOPosts[3])
print(setOfWords2Vec(myVocabList, listOPosts[3]))

['maybe', 'ate', 'dog', 'please', 'how', 'has', 'help', 'fles', 'him', 'buying', 'posting', 'worthless', 'so', 'licks', 'park', 'take', 'not', 'stop', 'oute', 'quit', 'my', 'problems', 'food', 'mr', 'is', 'to', 'stupid', 'I', 'garbage', 'love', 'steak', 'dalmation']
['my', 'dog', 'has', 'fles', 'problems', 'help', 'please']
[0, 0, 1, 1, 0, 1, 1, 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1, 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0]
['stop', 'posting', 'stupid', 'worthless', 'garbage']
[0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1, 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 1, 0, 1, 0, 0, 0]

4.5.2 训练：根据词向量计算概率（Train: calculating probabilities from word vectors）

贝叶斯准则：

$p(c_i|\mathbf{w})=\frac{p(\mathbf{w}|c_i)p(c_i)}{p(\mathbf{w})}$
$\mathbf{w}=(w_0, w_1, w_2, \cdots, w_N)$ ：词向量， $c_i$ ：类别

由统计独立假设可知
$p(\mathbf{w}|c_i)=p(w_0|c_i)p(w_1|c_i)\cdots p(w_N|c_i)$

伪代码：

计数每个类别中的文档数目

for 每个训练文档:

for 每一类:
    if 某个分词（token）出现在文档中:
        该分词计数加一
    所有分词的总计数相应增加

for 每一类:
    for 每个分词:
        条件概率=该分词计数/所有分词的总计数

返回每个类别的条件概率

$p(w_j|c_i)=\frac{\text{ \# of }w_j}{\sum{\text{ \# of }w_j}} \text{given }c_i$

# Listing 4.2 Naive Bayes classifier training function
import numpy as np

def trainNB0(trainMatrix, trainCategory):
    numTrainDocs = len(trainMatrix)
    numWords = len(trainMatrix[0])
    pAbusive = sum(trainCategory) / numTrainDocs
    # initialize probabilities
    p0Num = np.zeros(numWords)
    p1Num = np.zeros(numWords)
    p0Denom = 0
    p1Denom = 0
    
    for i in range(numTrainDocs):
        # p(w_i|c_1)
        if trainCategory[i] == 1:
            # vector addition
            p1Num += trainMatrix[i]
            p1Denom += sum(trainMatrix[i])
        # p(w_i|c_0)
        else:
            p0Num += trainMatrix[i]
            p0Denom += sum(trainMatrix[i])
            
    # element-wise division
    p1Vect = p1Num / p1Denom    # change to log()
    p0Vect = p0Num / p0Denom    # change to log()
    
    return p0Vect, p1Vect, pAbusive

# load data
listOPosts, listClasses = loadDataSet()

# create a vocabulary
myVocabList = createVocabList(listOPosts)

# training matrix with vord vectors
trainMat = []
for postinDoc in listOPosts:
    trainMat.append(setOfWords2Vec(myVocabList, postinDoc))
trainMat = np.array(trainMat)

p0V, p1V, pAb = trainNB0(trainMat, listClasses)

print(p0V)
print(p1V)
print(pAb)

[0.         0.04166667 0.04166667 0.04166667 0.04166667 0.04166667
 0.04166667 0.04166667 0.08333333 0.         0.         0.
 0.04166667 0.04166667 0.         0.         0.         0.04166667
 0.04166667 0.         0.125      0.04166667 0.         0.04166667
 0.04166667 0.04166667 0.         0.04166667 0.         0.04166667
 0.04166667 0.04166667]
[0.05263158 0.         0.10526316 0.         0.         0.
 0.         0.         0.05263158 0.05263158 0.05263158 0.10526316
 0.         0.         0.05263158 0.05263158 0.05263158 0.05263158
 0.         0.05263158 0.         0.         0.05263158 0.
 0.         0.05263158 0.15789474 0.         0.05263158 0.
 0.         0.        ]
0.5

4.5.3 测试：改进分类器

问题1：为防止某个词的概率， $p(w_j|c_i)$ ，为零导致 $p(\mathbf{w}|c_i)=0$ ，需将所有分词的初始计数设置为一，分母设置为二。

问题2：为避免数值向下溢出（underflow）和舍入误差（round-off），需将乘积取对数。
$\log(ab)=\log(a)+\log(b)$

import matplotlib.pyplot as plt
%matplotlib inline
import numpy as np

x = np.linspace(1e-2, 0.5 - 1e-2)
f_x = -2 * x**2 + x
log_f_x = np.log(f_x)

fig = plt.figure()
ax = fig.add_subplot(211)
ax.plot(x, f_x)
ax.set_xlabel("$x$")
ax.set_ylabel("$f(x)$")
ax = fig.add_subplot(212)
ax.plot(x, log_f_x)
ax.set_xlabel("$x$")
ax.set_ylabel("$\log(f(x))$")

Text(0, 0.5, '$\\log(f(x))$')

# Listing 4.2 Naive Bayes classifier training function
import numpy as np

def trainNB0(trainMatrix, trainCategory):
    numTrainDocs = len(trainMatrix)
    numWords = len(trainMatrix[0])
    pAbusive = sum(trainCategory) / numTrainDocs
    # initialize probabilities
    p0Num = np.ones(numWords)
    p1Num = np.ones(numWords)
    p0Denom = 2
    p1Denom = 2
    
    for i in range(numTrainDocs):
        # p(w_i|c_1)
        if trainCategory[i] == 1:
            # vector addition
            p1Num += trainMatrix[i]
            p1Denom += sum(trainMatrix[i])
        # p(w_i|c_0)
        else:
            p0Num += trainMatrix[i]
            p0Denom += sum(trainMatrix[i])
            
    # element-wise division
    p1Vect = np.log(p1Num / p1Denom)
    p0Vect = np.log(p0Num / p0Denom)
    
    return p0Vect, p1Vect, pAbusive

预测：
朴素贝叶斯预测结果为：

$\begin{aligned} \arg\max_i p(\mathbf{w_{\text{new}}}|c_i) \cdot p(c_i) = & \arg\max_i p(c_i) \prod_{\{j: w_{j,\text{new}} \not= 0\}} p(w_j|c_i) \\ \rightarrow & \arg\max_i \log(p(c_i)) + \sum_{\{j: w_{j,\text{new}} \not= 0\}} \log(p(w_j|c_i)) \end{aligned}$

$\mathbf{w_{\text{new}}}$ 为新样本词向量， $p(\mathbf{w}|c_i)$ 为对应 $c_i$ 类别已训练词典（vocabulary）条件概率

# Listing 4.3 Naive Bayes classify function

def classifyNB(vec2Classify, p0Vec, p1Vec, pClass1):
    
    # element-wise multiplication
    p1 = sum(vec2Classify * p1Vec) + np.log(pClass1)
    p0 = sum(vec2Classify * p0Vec) + np.log(1 - pClass1)
    if p1 > p0:
        return 1
    else:
        return 0
    
def testingNB():
    listOPosts, listClasses = loadDataSet()
    myVocabList = createVocabList(listOPosts)
    trainMat = []
    for postinDoc in listOPosts:
        trainMat.append(setOfWords2Vec(myVocabList, postinDoc))
        
    p0V, p1V, pAb = trainNB0(np.array(trainMat),
                             np.array(listClasses))
    
    testEntry = ["love", "my", "dalmation"]
    thisDoc = np.array(setOfWords2Vec(myVocabList, testEntry))
    print(testEntry, "classified as:",
          classifyNB(thisDoc, p0V, p1V, pAb))
    
    testEntry = ["stupid", "garbage"]
    thisDoc = np.array(setOfWords2Vec(myVocabList, testEntry))
    print(testEntry, "classified as:",
          classifyNB(thisDoc, p0V, p1V, pAb))

testingNB()

['love', 'my', 'dalmation'] classified as: 0
['stupid', 'garbage'] classified as: 1

4.5.4 准备：词袋模型

上述独热编码中，将分词在文档中出现与否作为特征组成词向量，这种方法成为***词集合（set-of-words）***模型。

如果一个分词在文档中出现超过一次，那么它传递的信息除了该分词在文档出现与否，还应包括其它（分词出现次数、权重等）。该方法被称为***词袋（bag-of-words ）***模型。

词袋记录的是词出现的次数，而词集合记录的是词出现与否。

# Listing 4.4 Naive Bayes bag-of-words model

def bagOfWords2VecMN(vocabList, inputSet):
    # create a vector of all 0s
    returnVec = [0] * len(vocabList)
    for word in inputSet:
        if word in vocabList:
            returnVec[vocabList.index(word)] += 1
    return returnVec

4.6 例：利用朴素贝叶斯分类垃圾邮件（Example: classifying spam email with naive Bayes）

利用朴素贝叶斯分类垃圾邮件：

收集数据：文本文件

准备：将文本转化为词向量

分析：查看词向量，确保文本被正确分析

训练：trainNB()

测试：计算错误率

使用：

4.6.1 准备：文本分词

文本分词（tokenizing text）

mySent = "This book is the best book on Python or M.L. I have ever laid eyes upon."
print(mySent.split())

# punctuation
import re
regEx = re.compile(r"\W*")
listOfTokens = regEx.split(mySent)
print(listOfTokens)

# empty strings
print([tok for tok in listOfTokens if len(tok) > 0])

# lower-case & empty strings
print([tok.lower() for tok in listOfTokens if len(tok) > 0])

['This', 'book', 'is', 'the', 'best', 'book', 'on', 'Python', 'or', 'M.L.', 'I', 'have', 'ever', 'laid', 'eyes', 'upon.']
['This', 'book', 'is', 'the', 'best', 'book', 'on', 'Python', 'or', 'M', 'L', 'I', 'have', 'ever', 'laid', 'eyes', 'upon', '']
['This', 'book', 'is', 'the', 'best', 'book', 'on', 'Python', 'or', 'M', 'L', 'I', 'have', 'ever', 'laid', 'eyes', 'upon']
['this', 'book', 'is', 'the', 'best', 'book', 'on', 'python', 'or', 'm', 'l', 'i', 'have', 'ever', 'laid', 'eyes', 'upon']


d:\ProgramData\Anaconda3\lib\site-packages\ipykernel_launcher.py:7: FutureWarning: split() requires a non-empty pattern match.
  import sys

emailText = open("./email/ham/6.txt").read()
listOfTokens = regEx.split(emailText)
print(listOfTokens)

['锘縃ello', 'Since', 'you', 'are', 'an', 'owner', 'of', 'at', 'least', 'one', 'Google', 'Groups', 'group', 'that', 'uses', 'the', 'customized', 'welcome', 'message', 'pages', 'or', 'files', 'we', 'are', 'writing', 'to', 'inform', 'you', 'that', 'we', 'will', 'no', 'longer', 'be', 'supporting', 'these', 'features', 'starting', 'February', '2011', 'We', 'made', 'this', 'decision', 'so', 'that', 'we', 'can', 'focus', 'on', 'improving', 'the', 'core', 'functionalities', 'of', 'Google', 'Groups', 'mailing', 'lists', 'and', 'forum', 'discussions', 'Instead', 'of', 'these', 'features', 'we', 'encourage', 'you', 'to', 'use', 'products', 'that', 'are', 'designed', 'specifically', 'for', 'file', 'storage', 'and', 'page', 'creation', 'such', 'as', 'Google', 'Docs', 'and', 'Google', 'Sites', 'For', 'example', 'you', 'can', 'easily', 'create', 'your', 'pages', 'on', 'Google', 'Sites', 'and', 'share', 'the', 'site', 'http', 'www', 'google', 'com', 'support', 'sites', 'bin', 'answer', 'py', 'hl', 'en', 'answer', '174623', 'with', 'the', 'members', 'of', 'your', 'group', 'You', 'can', 'also', 'store', 'your', 'files', 'on', 'the', 'site', 'by', 'attaching', 'files', 'to', 'pages', 'http', 'www', 'google', 'com', 'support', 'sites', 'bin', 'answer', 'py', 'hl', 'en', 'answer', '90563', 'on', 'the', 'site', 'If', 'you鎶甧', 'just', 'looking', 'for', 'a', 'place', 'to', 'upload', 'your', 'files', 'so', 'that', 'your', 'group', 'members', 'can', 'download', 'them', 'we', 'suggest', 'you', 'try', 'Google', 'Docs', 'You', 'can', 'upload', 'files', 'http', 'docs', 'google', 'com', 'support', 'bin', 'answer', 'py', 'hl', 'en', 'answer', '50092', 'and', 'share', 'access', 'with', 'either', 'a', 'group', 'http', 'docs', 'google', 'com', 'support', 'bin', 'answer', 'py', 'hl', 'en', 'answer', '66343', 'or', 'an', 'individual', 'http', 'docs', 'google', 'com', 'support', 'bin', 'answer', 'py', 'hl', 'en', 'answer', '86152', 'assigning', 'either', 'edit', 'or', 'download', 'only', 'access', 'to', 'the', 'files', 'you', 'have', 'received', 'this', 'mandatory', 'email', 'service', 'announcement', 'to', 'update', 'you', 'about', 'important', 'changes', 'to', 'Google', 'Groups', '']


d:\ProgramData\Anaconda3\lib\site-packages\ipykernel_launcher.py:2: FutureWarning: split() requires a non-empty pattern match.

4.6.2 测试：交叉验证

# Listing 4.5 File parsing and full spam test functions
import re
import random

def textParse(bigString):
    listOfTokens = re.split(r"\W*", bigString)
    return [tok.lower() for tok in listOfTokens if len(tok) > 2]

def spamTest():
    docList = []
    classList = []
    fullText = []
    
    for i in range(1, 26):
        # load and parse text files
        wordList = textParse(
            open("./email/spam/{}.txt".format(i),
                 encoding="utf-8").read())
        docList.append(wordList)
        fullText.extend(wordList)
        classList.append(1)
        wordList = textParse(
            open("./email/ham/{}.txt".format(i),
                 encoding="utf-8").read())
        docList.append(wordList)
        fullText.extend(wordList)
        classList.append(0)
        
    vocabList = createVocabList(docList)
    trainingSet = list(range(50))
    testSet = []
    for i in range(10):
        # randomly create the training set
        randIndex = int(random.uniform(0, len(trainingSet)))
        #testSet.append(trainingSet[randIndex])
        #del(trainingSet[randIndex])
        testSet.append(trainingSet.pop(randIndex))
        
    trainMat = []
    trainClasses = []
    
    for docIndex in trainingSet:
        trainMat.append(
            setOfWords2Vec(vocabList, docList[docIndex]))
        trainClasses.append(classList[docIndex])
        
    p0V, p1V, pSpam = trainNB0(np.array(trainMat),
                               np.array(trainClasses))
    
    errorCount = 0
    # classify the test set
    for docIndex in testSet:
        wordVector = setOfWords2Vec(vocabList, docList[docIndex])
        if classifyNB(np.array(wordVector), p0V, p1V, pSpam) != \
            classList[docIndex]:
            print("classification error", docList[docIndex])
            errorCount += 1
            
    print("the error rate is {}".format(errorCount / len(testSet)))
    return errorCount / len(testSet)

errRate = 0

for i in  range(10):
    errRate += spamTest()
    print("----------")

errRate /= 10
print("the average error rate is {}% over {} times".format(errRate * 100, 10))

d:\ProgramData\Anaconda3\lib\re.py:212: FutureWarning: split() requires a non-empty pattern match.
  return _compile(pattern, flags).split(string, maxsplit)


the error rate is 0.0
----------
classification error ['home', 'based', 'business', 'opportunity', 'knocking', 'your', 'door', 'don抰', 'rude', 'and', 'let', 'this', 'chance', 'you', 'can', 'earn', 'great', 'income', 'and', 'find', 'your', 'financial', 'life', 'transformed', 'learn', 'more', 'here', 'your', 'success', 'work', 'from', 'home', 'finder', 'experts']
the error rate is 0.1
----------
classification error ['yeah', 'ready', 'may', 'not', 'here', 'because', 'jar', 'jar', 'has', 'plane', 'tickets', 'germany', 'for']
the error rate is 0.1
----------
the error rate is 0.0
----------
the error rate is 0.0
----------
the error rate is 0.0
----------
the error rate is 0.0
----------
the error rate is 0.0
----------
the error rate is 0.0
----------
classification error ['home', 'based', 'business', 'opportunity', 'knocking', 'your', 'door', 'don抰', 'rude', 'and', 'let', 'this', 'chance', 'you', 'can', 'earn', 'great', 'income', 'and', 'find', 'your', 'financial', 'life', 'transformed', 'learn', 'more', 'here', 'your', 'success', 'work', 'from', 'home', 'finder', 'experts']
classification error ['oem', 'adobe', 'microsoft', 'softwares', 'fast', 'order', 'and', 'download', 'microsoft', 'office', 'professional', 'plus', '2007', '2010', '129', 'microsoft', 'windows', 'ultimate', '119', 'adobe', 'photoshop', 'cs5', 'extended', 'adobe', 'acrobat', 'pro', 'extended', 'windows', 'professional', 'thousand', 'more', 'titles']
the error rate is 0.2
----------
the average error rate is 4.0% over 10 times

spamTest()采用无放回交叉验证（hold-out cross validation），将数据集随机切分为训练集和测试集。

PS：垃圾邮件分类出现的错误应该是将垃圾邮件错分为正常邮件，垃圾邮件漏检总比正常邮件被投入垃圾箱要好。该策略涉及有偏向分类器。

4.7 例：利用朴素贝叶斯从个性化广告中揭示局部特征（Example: using naive Bayes to reveal local attitudes from personal ads）

例：利用朴素贝叶斯寻找地方用词

收集数据：简单讯息聚合订阅（RSS (really simple syndication) feed）

准备：将文本转化为词向量

分析：查看词向量，确保文本被正确分析

训练：trainNB()

测试：计算错误率

使用：给出同时出现在两个RSS订阅中最多的单词

4.7.1 收集数据：导入RSS订阅

通用订阅解析器（universal feed parser）是最常见的RSS库。

import feedparser
ny = feedparser.parse("https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss")
print(ny["entries"])
print(len(ny["entries"]))

[{'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/6812651177.html', 'title': 'Unique challenge for experienced director - PAID', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Unique challenge for experienced director - PAID'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/6812651177.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/6812651177.html', 'summary': "I am in search of an experienced director to tackle a unique challenge. My seven year old son is an up and coming film director, and I have decided that he is ready to direct his first feature film. His father has agreed to fund a film up to $250,000, so I'm looking for an experienced director to guide him through the process. He will be making all creative decisions, but he will need help and guidance. 
\n
\nHis favorite directors are Steven Spielberg, Christopher Nolan, and Stanley Kubrick. Special preference will be given to anyone who has worked with one of these directors in the past.
\n
\nYou will be helping my son solicit a script, pitch the script to his father, and then plan and create the film. I am not in the film industry so please send a proposed weekly salary in your response to this ad. Only experienced directors who include a proposed salary will be considered.
\n
\nThank you for your time.
\n
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "I am in search of an experienced director to tackle a unique challenge. My seven year old son is an up and coming film director, and I have decided that he is ready to direct his first feature film. His father has agreed to fund a film up to $250,000, so I'm looking for an experienced director to guide him through the process. He will be making all creative decisions, but he will need help and guidance. 
\n
\nHis favorite directors are Steven Spielberg, Christopher Nolan, and Stanley Kubrick. Special preference will be given to anyone who has worked with one of these directors in the past.
\n
\nYou will be helping my son solicit a script, pitch the script to his father, and then plan and create the film. I am not in the film industry so please send a proposed weekly salary in your response to this ad. Only experienced directors who include a proposed salary will be considered.
\n
\nThank you for your time.
\n
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2019-02-05T19:37:15-08:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2019, tm_mon=2, tm_mday=6, tm_hour=3, tm_min=37, tm_sec=15, tm_wday=2, tm_yday=37, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/6812651177.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6805541022.html', 'title': 'Spot in lineup', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Spot in lineup'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6805541022.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6805541022.html', 'summary': "Looking to bow out of the surf scene. Offering up a spot in the pecking order it's well below Marty but way above a Mollusk guy. Can give more details in person. (No low ballers Koa)
\n
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "Looking to bow out of the surf scene. Offering up a spot in the pecking order it's well below Marty but way above a Mollusk guy. Can give more details in person. (No low ballers Koa)
\n
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2019-01-27T18:20:11-08:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2019, tm_mon=1, tm_mday=28, tm_hour=2, tm_min=20, tm_sec=11, tm_wday=0, tm_yday=28, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6805541022.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ybs/6764837183.html', 'title': 'Free Snowman', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Free Snowman'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ybs/6764837183.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ybs/6764837183.html', 'summary': 'Free snowman used only one season...bring your own bucket...
\n
', 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Free snowman used only one season...bring your own bucket...
\n
'}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-12-04T13:40:54-08:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=12, tm_mday=4, tm_hour=21, tm_min=40, tm_sec=54, tm_wday=1, tm_yday=338, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ybs/6764837183.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6725919483.html', 'title': 'Apple Macintosh SE STONE CASTING', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Apple Macintosh SE STONE CASTING'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6725919483.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6725919483.html', 'summary': "Apple Macintosh 512/Plus/SE Stone Casting
\n
\nNo my old  Macintosh SE didn't turn to stone when it saw me wearing an Apple Watch.
\n
\nThis is a high quality casting of an early 1980's classic. I can't id the material but it looks a lot like concrete. I just haven't seen concrete castings of this quality or showing this much detail. Truly a one of a kind piece for the hard core Macintosh fan/evangelist. Don't let this one slip past you.You may not see another one.
\n
\nSorry, no keyboard, mouse, boot disks, software, or cord. A little dirty, excellent condition. Only chip I could find is pictured below. Very heavy and as solid as the rock it is...
\n
\nSerious MAC inquiries only.
\n
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "Apple Macintosh 512/Plus/SE Stone Casting
\n
\nNo my old  Macintosh SE didn't turn to stone when it saw me wearing an Apple Watch.
\n
\nThis is a high quality casting of an early 1980's classic. I can't id the material but it looks a lot like concrete. I just haven't seen concrete castings of this quality or showing this much detail. Truly a one of a kind piece for the hard core Macintosh fan/evangelist. Don't let this one slip past you.You may not see another one.
\n
\nSorry, no keyboard, mouse, boot disks, software, or cord. A little dirty, excellent condition. Only chip I could find is pictured below. Very heavy and as solid as the rock it is...
\n
\nSerious MAC inquiries only.
\n
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-10-17T13:14:27-07:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=10, tm_mday=17, tm_hour=20, tm_min=14, tm_sec=27, tm_wday=2, tm_yday=290, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6725919483.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/6690774296.html', 'title': 'for sale snow cat limo', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'for sale snow cat limo'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/6690774296.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/6690774296.html', 'summary': 'for sale snow cat limo , sv 250 bombardier snow cat combined with 1989 caddy stretch limo.  Last used 2 years ago.
\n
\n\n[see also The Canadian Broadcasting Company\'s writeup ]', 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'for sale snow cat limo , sv 250 bombardier snow cat combined with 1989 caddy stretch limo.  Last used 2 years ago.
\n
\n\n[see also The Canadian Broadcasting Company\'s writeup ]'}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-09-06T10:04:07-07:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=9, tm_mday=6, tm_hour=17, tm_min=4, tm_sec=7, tm_wday=3, tm_yday=249, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/6690774296.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/6679230947.html', 'title': 'Cat Kremlin - Garage Desk - BUCKETS !!!!!!', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Cat Kremlin - Garage Desk - BUCKETS !!!!!!'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/6679230947.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/6679230947.html', 'summary': 'Cat Kremlin - Paper Mache
\nTeach your cat about the struggle of the proletariat and the oppression of the bourgeoisie with this handy 4ft piece of custom architecture!
\n
\nGarage Desk (W 21in, L 57in)
\nSaw on it! Paint on it! Drill into it! A great place to turn your mildly broken electronics into an unfixable mess! The only limit is your imagination (and the space in your crammed garage).
\n
\n5 Gallon Buckets
\nHoliday Themed. Recreate the classical off-broadway play STOMP at home! Or just carry stuff in them. The future is yours.
\n
', 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Cat Kremlin - Paper Mache
\nTeach your cat about the struggle of the proletariat and the oppression of the bourgeoisie with this handy 4ft piece of custom architecture!
\n
\nGarage Desk (W 21in, L 57in)
\nSaw on it! Paint on it! Drill into it! A great place to turn your mildly broken electronics into an unfixable mess! The only limit is your imagination (and the space in your crammed garage).
\n
\n5 Gallon Buckets
\nHoliday Themed. Recreate the classical off-broadway play STOMP at home! Or just carry stuff in them. The future is yours.
\n
'}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-08-23T18:25:44-07:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=8, tm_mday=24, tm_hour=1, tm_min=25, tm_sec=44, tm_wday=4, tm_yday=236, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/6679230947.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6654513433.html', 'title': 'To the 3 surfers who saved my life at Linda Mar 7/13 4 pm', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'To the 3 surfers who saved my life at Linda Mar 7/13 4 pm'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6654513433.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6654513433.html', 'summary': "I don't know who you are or how to locate you, but you literally saved my life. I want to thank you.
\n
\nThe last thing I recall is paddling for a wave (at Crespi) and the next thing I remember is laying on a stretcher on the beach looking up at EMTs and you guys in wetsuits. I was barely conscious and the ambulance took me to General Hospital's trauma unit in SF and I was able to go home by 8 pm after x-rays and a CAT scan. I have a concussion but am glad to be alive.  I want you to know that I'm OK. My board made it home unscathed. The wetsuit they had to cut off me was old and threadbare. I left a pile of sand in the hospital bed.
\n
\nThe EMT told the nurse that I threw up a bucket of water after you dragged me out of the water (I don't remember), which tells me that you saved me from drowning. I have rescued people stuck in a rip twice, but when we got to shore they were fine, just shaken. What you three guys did for a stranger and fellow surfer (me) was heroic and you should be insanely proud.
\n
\nAs soon as this headache goes away I hope to see you in the lineup. I usually ride a 9'0 Robert August (white with yellow and blue stripes) and Linda Mar has been my home break for the past 19 years. I would love to thank you in person, and even though I won't be able to give you a proper Game of Thrones you-saved-my-life-thank-you, I am indebted to you all.
\n
\nMy children and my partner thank you, my family and friends thank you, and surfers everywhere will silently thank you every time I share this story.
\n
\nStay Stoked!
\n
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "I don't know who you are or how to locate you, but you literally saved my life. I want to thank you.
\n
\nThe last thing I recall is paddling for a wave (at Crespi) and the next thing I remember is laying on a stretcher on the beach looking up at EMTs and you guys in wetsuits. I was barely conscious and the ambulance took me to General Hospital's trauma unit in SF and I was able to go home by 8 pm after x-rays and a CAT scan. I have a concussion but am glad to be alive.  I want you to know that I'm OK. My board made it home unscathed. The wetsuit they had to cut off me was old and threadbare. I left a pile of sand in the hospital bed.
\n
\nThe EMT told the nurse that I threw up a bucket of water after you dragged me out of the water (I don't remember), which tells me that you saved me from drowning. I have rescued people stuck in a rip twice, but when we got to shore they were fine, just shaken. What you three guys did for a stranger and fellow surfer (me) was heroic and you should be insanely proud.
\n
\nAs soon as this headache goes away I hope to see you in the lineup. I usually ride a 9'0 Robert August (white with yellow and blue stripes) and Linda Mar has been my home break for the past 19 years. I would love to thank you in person, and even though I won't be able to give you a proper Game of Thrones you-saved-my-life-thank-you, I am indebted to you all.
\n
\nMy children and my partner thank you, my family and friends thank you, and surfers everywhere will silently thank you every time I share this story.
\n
\nStay Stoked!
\n
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-07-26T22:04:48-07:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=7, tm_mday=27, tm_hour=5, tm_min=4, tm_sec=48, tm_wday=4, tm_yday=208, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6654513433.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6621354952.html', 'title': "bob's burgers hamburger landline phone", 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "bob's burgers hamburger landline phone"}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6621354952.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6621354952.html', 'summary': "Even if you're not inspired by the beloved Beltcher family, who wouldn't want to live in the magical world where your phone is shaped like your favorite food?!?
\n
\nI've had this for a very long time and used it maybe 5 times. Sounds great and easy to set up. Price is negotiable.
\n
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "Even if you're not inspired by the beloved Beltcher family, who wouldn't want to live in the magical world where your phone is shaped like your favorite food?!?
\n
\nI've had this for a very long time and used it maybe 5 times. Sounds great and easy to set up. Price is negotiable.
\n
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-06-19T13:04:11-07:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=6, tm_mday=19, tm_hour=20, tm_min=4, tm_sec=11, tm_wday=1, tm_yday=170, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6621354952.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6612026346.html', 'title': 'Slow car/huge cargo bike for burning man', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Slow car/huge cargo bike for burning man'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6612026346.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6612026346.html', 'summary': 'Hello bicycle weirdo!
\n
\nI converted a car to be powered by bicycle. As you can see in the pictures, the engine has been replaced by a bike. The original transmission now has a cassette on it, and it still shifts (1-4, R and 5 are gone). The rest of the car has been stripped down, leaving only the rolling bits, exterior, driver\'s seat, brakes, and steering. I think it currently weighs about 900lbs. On the flats it\'s easier to pedal than expected-- we biked it up a (tiny) ~12% hill!
\n
\nThe "cargo bike" requires two to operate, one to pedal and one to steer. I have plans to make it single operator by attaching controls to the handlebars, but the project stalled when I moved to SF. The car is in Los Altos Hills.
\n
\nI figured it\'d be a waste to leave this sitting if someone\'s weird enough to want to take it to the playa. It is functional, but is certainly not a product, so whoever takes this should be mechanically-brave. 
\n
\nSome other details: the car is a suzuki (taylor) swift, the bike frame is fairly large (fit someone above >5\'5"ish), the parking and normal brakes work great, the diff is welded and one axle removed so the bike only powers the driver side wheel, the interior has tons of space and doesn\'t leak, the lights should still work (harness is intact), and the car is registered in my name.
\n
\nIn exchange for having the coolest cargo bike/slowest car on the playa, I request that you organize pickup from Los Altos Hills, donate some amount to charity (let me know which one, amount negotiable), and send me pics of it on the desert.
', 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Hello bicycle weirdo!
\n
\nI converted a car to be powered by bicycle. As you can see in the pictures, the engine has been replaced by a bike. The original transmission now has a cassette on it, and it still shifts (1-4, R and 5 are gone). The rest of the car has been stripped down, leaving only the rolling bits, exterior, driver\'s seat, brakes, and steering. I think it currently weighs about 900lbs. On the flats it\'s easier to pedal than expected-- we biked it up a (tiny) ~12% hill!
\n
\nThe "cargo bike" requires two to operate, one to pedal and one to steer. I have plans to make it single operator by attaching controls to the handlebars, but the project stalled when I moved to SF. The car is in Los Altos Hills.
\n
\nI figured it\'d be a waste to leave this sitting if someone\'s weird enough to want to take it to the playa. It is functional, but is certainly not a product, so whoever takes this should be mechanically-brave. 
\n
\nSome other details: the car is a suzuki (taylor) swift, the bike frame is fairly large (fit someone above >5\'5"ish), the parking and normal brakes work great, the diff is welded and one axle removed so the bike only powers the driver side wheel, the interior has tons of space and doesn\'t leak, the lights should still work (harness is intact), and the car is registered in my name.
\n
\nIn exchange for having the coolest cargo bike/slowest car on the playa, I request that you organize pickup from Los Altos Hills, donate some amount to charity (let me know which one, amount negotiable), and send me pics of it on the desert.
'}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-06-08T18:49:50-07:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=6, tm_mday=9, tm_hour=1, tm_min=49, tm_sec=50, tm_wday=5, tm_yday=160, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6612026346.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/dal/6609315518.html', 'title': 'Special needs room seeker', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Special needs room seeker'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/dal/6609315518.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/dal/6609315518.html', 'summary': 'I am so glad you found this ad. You would be perfect for our room. We know you are having financial difficulty and you just need someone to cut you a break. In our home we are not bound by those silly economic rules that everyone else has. We get free cable, electricity, water and our garbage is so good, the city pays us to take it!!!!!! We are just passing the savings on to you. Drama free!
\n
\n
\nOur home is spotless clean. It takes no effort on your part to keep it that way. It is completely out of the question to hold you to such a high standard. We will merrily pick up after you. We have nothing better to do.
\n
\n
\nPlease forgive us for the previous ad requesting that you not have pets. We were soo wrong to assume your ferret has a slight odor. I don\'t know what got in to me. There is no way your precious dog could ever scratch my wood floors or kill my grass. Thank goodness Spot was there to alert me to the water utility truck at 2 am. Your dog is far more reliable than my Sig Sauer. It is perfectly cool to have your FIVE well taken care of cats stay in your room when you are away. Our friends and family will never be so rude as to comment on the smell of the litter box. We understand how theraputic your pets are at working through your commitment issues and filling in that hole in your heart where a family should be. 
\n
\n
\nI think your perfectly safe snake would open my children\'s eyes to the wonder of the animal kingdom. I look forward to the helicopter ride and the days of anxiety wondering if the anti venom took because my young daughter reached for a wild snake that was not as tame as your pet instead of running away.
\n
\n
\nAll you young adults thinking about saving an animal and practicing for kids, STOP! If you are not grown enough to keep your credit card balance low, you can not handle a pet. Pets get fleas, ring worm, broken limbs and the fur can clog your air conditioning coils which can cost you $250 for an HVAC guy to scrub your coils. Our cat got a hold of cold medicine and had to have his stomach pumped. Unlike your room, vets are not free. The creatures cost money! Save yourself first, then an animal.
\n
\n
\nWe respect your privacy and admire your quest to prove your independence. Other people should model themselves after you. Feel free to have as many strangers spend the night as you wish. It costs me nothing for your significant other to use my dishes, water, washer and dryer. Put as many hooks as you need in my walls. Let my walls be your canvas. Your expression is more important than me getting my $1200 deposit back. It\'s your room and you\'re paying for it. Hell, if you wanted rules, you would just live at mom and dad\'s right? I am so happy to be out of my parent\'s place. I can do what ever I want except for the things listed in my ten page lease. In other words, we all have rules we have to follow!
\n
\n 
\nIf you are breaking the law, have a symphony of funky smells eminating from your room and leave a trail of beer bottles; we will respect your privacy and leave you alone. The minute you start showing that you are making rational decisions, we will be all in your shiznit.
\n
\n
\nWe are so proud of you getting your life back together since the DWI conviction. Your new $300 mountain bike should be brought inside when you aren\'t using it. We will try not to infringe on your right to protect your property by asking you to keep it outside. We enjoy the oil stains in our carpet. I\'m sure our landlord will mention it to the new tenants when we leave as a selling point.
\n
\n
\nAgain, thank you for reading this post. After proof reading my post I just realized how unreasonable I am to live with. I\'m sorry to waste your time. We will pay you to live with us. We could learn from your idealistic wisdom.
\n
\n
\nOne more caveat. I asked the electric company if I cleaned the house thouroughly, if they would leave the electricity on. I then contacted the city to see if they could knock a little off the water bill if I offered up some "benefits". I offered to cook for the gas company. Surprisingly, they all said no. That just confirmed my suspicions that all utilities are operated by dirty unichs that never eat. I will have to come up with cash for them. If you are energy conscience, it helps you. That\'s more money I can give you to live with me. If you are offering "benefits", please check with my wife first. She\'s been in charge of that for years and she may not want to upset the balance of power she has. Then again, she may be able to employ you in ways far beyond my imagination to further remove my masculine nature.
\n
\n
\nBy moving in, you can help me potty train my daughter by yelling and cursing at her when she barges in on your shower time. My son definately needs his confidence shaken when he accidentaly brushes your out of order baby feeders by telling him how much of a bad kid he is. He\'s four years old. He\'s not manipulating you in to sex like your last 3 boyfriends. Nor, do I want him drawing on your chest with markers while you sleep. 
\n
\n
\nIf you are a college student, You are going to have to be more specific about what area you are looking for near TCC, UNT, UTA and UTD. The classrooms are spread all over DFW. When you say you want to be near UTA, it\'s no different than saying you want to live near a Kroger. All uf us landlords attended local colleges.
\n
\n
\nI hope you enjoyed my ad. I really do have a room for rent that I have not been able to fill with a rational person for months. My wife, myself and my marriage counselor have enjoyed some of the requests made for people seeking rooms\\apartments\\sex slaves. Here are my top picks for the looney files: 
\n
\n
\n1. 19F Disease Free and not looking for "benefits" (this is not the first mixed message I ever got from a woman)
\n2. No email or number posted in the ad (I\'m shuffling my Taroh cards now)
\n3. My last $300 apartment was filthy, looking to improve my situation and save money. (let us know how the something for nothing plan works out for you)
\n4. I\'m a responsible 18 year old. (I\'m 35, 2 kids, wife, house, car, non-criminal and I still screw up) Call Ripley\'s 
\n5. I can\'t afford more than $200 a month. You will never see me. I am always at work. (I call shenanigans! If you are working, you can afford more. You are going to have to get a smaller cell phone plan)
\n6. Free room for female over 18 with benefits. (I call mine, dramatic pause... wife) * see footnotes
\n7. Will watch your vacation house for free. (Who vacations in DFW? Might work in Colorado, California or Florida. Joe Pool lake is one of a kind for sure.)
\n8. Live in nanny in exchange for free room and small salary. (My wife does that job and she shares a room with me. Do you actually think you clean so good to get your own room? Move to Bel Aire)
\n9. Not only do I need a place to stay, can I borrow some money? (Are you such a bad person that you have burned all your friend\'s bridges that they won\'t lend to you?)
\n10. It\'s 2018 people. Text me or look at MySpace. (Web sites lie. Report card, parents and work history are more reliable. At best, I will email you)
\n11. 20F prefer to live in home with people my age. (ROFLMAO! 20 years old? Work for a year at a movie theater? $20K in school loan debt? Still owe $14K on your honda civic? Here, have $160K for your first home! Ha ha ha ha) 
\n12. Young professional seeks housing. (just because you have a job that does not require to have your name on a reusable name tag does not make a you a professional) 
\n13. I am an openminded Christian woman. ( Don\'t flame me. I am a believer myself, but what are you trying to achieve here? Watch a girls gone wild video. How many girls are on video with WWJD bracelets and proudly wearing their gold cross under their mardi gras beads? ) 
\n
\n
\nGentlemen, I am going to let you in on a secret. Sex costs money. The more sex you want, the more it will cost. You can skirt the bill for a little while and then the big total eventually catches up to you. Girlfriends and mistresses are cheap at first, but eventually you will get hit with fatherhood, child support or a small divorce. Your next upgrade would be professional full service massages and their courteous pimps. If you are still not sure if you are ready for the top of the line sex, you can try the fiance\' mode for a while, but be carefull with the early termination charges. If you want the whole enchilada, go for the wife. This is the most expensive sex you can have and thusly the best. If you are truely a love machine, wife will actually go to work on her own and reduce the sexpenses. I\'ve heard stories of men with multiple wives. I\'ve also heard of dragons and unicorns.
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\nThe response to this post has been hysterical. Only a few haters. They flag and it takes me 30 seconds to repost. Many, many people telling me their roommate from hell stories. I will just keep adding to it. There are real people in need. If you can help and are running a halfway home, Bless you. When investing in people, all it takes is one success story to recover from all the failures. 
\n
\n
\n
\na word or two from a boarder, renter and home owner
\n
\n
\n
', 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'I am so glad you found this ad. You would be perfect for our room. We know you are having financial difficulty and you just need someone to cut you a break. In our home we are not bound by those silly economic rules that everyone else has. We get free cable, electricity, water and our garbage is so good, the city pays us to take it!!!!!! We are just passing the savings on to you. Drama free!
\n
\n
\nOur home is spotless clean. It takes no effort on your part to keep it that way. It is completely out of the question to hold you to such a high standard. We will merrily pick up after you. We have nothing better to do.
\n
\n
\nPlease forgive us for the previous ad requesting that you not have pets. We were soo wrong to assume your ferret has a slight odor. I don\'t know what got in to me. There is no way your precious dog could ever scratch my wood floors or kill my grass. Thank goodness Spot was there to alert me to the water utility truck at 2 am. Your dog is far more reliable than my Sig Sauer. It is perfectly cool to have your FIVE well taken care of cats stay in your room when you are away. Our friends and family will never be so rude as to comment on the smell of the litter box. We understand how theraputic your pets are at working through your commitment issues and filling in that hole in your heart where a family should be. 
\n
\n
\nI think your perfectly safe snake would open my children\'s eyes to the wonder of the animal kingdom. I look forward to the helicopter ride and the days of anxiety wondering if the anti venom took because my young daughter reached for a wild snake that was not as tame as your pet instead of running away.
\n
\n
\nAll you young adults thinking about saving an animal and practicing for kids, STOP! If you are not grown enough to keep your credit card balance low, you can not handle a pet. Pets get fleas, ring worm, broken limbs and the fur can clog your air conditioning coils which can cost you $250 for an HVAC guy to scrub your coils. Our cat got a hold of cold medicine and had to have his stomach pumped. Unlike your room, vets are not free. The creatures cost money! Save yourself first, then an animal.
\n
\n
\nWe respect your privacy and admire your quest to prove your independence. Other people should model themselves after you. Feel free to have as many strangers spend the night as you wish. It costs me nothing for your significant other to use my dishes, water, washer and dryer. Put as many hooks as you need in my walls. Let my walls be your canvas. Your expression is more important than me getting my $1200 deposit back. It\'s your room and you\'re paying for it. Hell, if you wanted rules, you would just live at mom and dad\'s right? I am so happy to be out of my parent\'s place. I can do what ever I want except for the things listed in my ten page lease. In other words, we all have rules we have to follow!
\n
\n 
\nIf you are breaking the law, have a symphony of funky smells eminating from your room and leave a trail of beer bottles; we will respect your privacy and leave you alone. The minute you start showing that you are making rational decisions, we will be all in your shiznit.
\n
\n
\nWe are so proud of you getting your life back together since the DWI conviction. Your new $300 mountain bike should be brought inside when you aren\'t using it. We will try not to infringe on your right to protect your property by asking you to keep it outside. We enjoy the oil stains in our carpet. I\'m sure our landlord will mention it to the new tenants when we leave as a selling point.
\n
\n
\nAgain, thank you for reading this post. After proof reading my post I just realized how unreasonable I am to live with. I\'m sorry to waste your time. We will pay you to live with us. We could learn from your idealistic wisdom.
\n
\n
\nOne more caveat. I asked the electric company if I cleaned the house thouroughly, if they would leave the electricity on. I then contacted the city to see if they could knock a little off the water bill if I offered up some "benefits". I offered to cook for the gas company. Surprisingly, they all said no. That just confirmed my suspicions that all utilities are operated by dirty unichs that never eat. I will have to come up with cash for them. If you are energy conscience, it helps you. That\'s more money I can give you to live with me. If you are offering "benefits", please check with my wife first. She\'s been in charge of that for years and she may not want to upset the balance of power she has. Then again, she may be able to employ you in ways far beyond my imagination to further remove my masculine nature.
\n
\n
\nBy moving in, you can help me potty train my daughter by yelling and cursing at her when she barges in on your shower time. My son definately needs his confidence shaken when he accidentaly brushes your out of order baby feeders by telling him how much of a bad kid he is. He\'s four years old. He\'s not manipulating you in to sex like your last 3 boyfriends. Nor, do I want him drawing on your chest with markers while you sleep. 
\n
\n
\nIf you are a college student, You are going to have to be more specific about what area you are looking for near TCC, UNT, UTA and UTD. The classrooms are spread all over DFW. When you say you want to be near UTA, it\'s no different than saying you want to live near a Kroger. All uf us landlords attended local colleges.
\n
\n
\nI hope you enjoyed my ad. I really do have a room for rent that I have not been able to fill with a rational person for months. My wife, myself and my marriage counselor have enjoyed some of the requests made for people seeking rooms\\apartments\\sex slaves. Here are my top picks for the looney files: 
\n
\n
\n1. 19F Disease Free and not looking for "benefits" (this is not the first mixed message I ever got from a woman)
\n2. No email or number posted in the ad (I\'m shuffling my Taroh cards now)
\n3. My last $300 apartment was filthy, looking to improve my situation and save money. (let us know how the something for nothing plan works out for you)
\n4. I\'m a responsible 18 year old. (I\'m 35, 2 kids, wife, house, car, non-criminal and I still screw up) Call Ripley\'s 
\n5. I can\'t afford more than $200 a month. You will never see me. I am always at work. (I call shenanigans! If you are working, you can afford more. You are going to have to get a smaller cell phone plan)
\n6. Free room for female over 18 with benefits. (I call mine, dramatic pause... wife) * see footnotes
\n7. Will watch your vacation house for free. (Who vacations in DFW? Might work in Colorado, California or Florida. Joe Pool lake is one of a kind for sure.)
\n8. Live in nanny in exchange for free room and small salary. (My wife does that job and she shares a room with me. Do you actually think you clean so good to get your own room? Move to Bel Aire)
\n9. Not only do I need a place to stay, can I borrow some money? (Are you such a bad person that you have burned all your friend\'s bridges that they won\'t lend to you?)
\n10. It\'s 2018 people. Text me or look at MySpace. (Web sites lie. Report card, parents and work history are more reliable. At best, I will email you)
\n11. 20F prefer to live in home with people my age. (ROFLMAO! 20 years old? Work for a year at a movie theater? $20K in school loan debt? Still owe $14K on your honda civic? Here, have $160K for your first home! Ha ha ha ha) 
\n12. Young professional seeks housing. (just because you have a job that does not require to have your name on a reusable name tag does not make a you a professional) 
\n13. I am an openminded Christian woman. ( Don\'t flame me. I am a believer myself, but what are you trying to achieve here? Watch a girls gone wild video. How many girls are on video with WWJD bracelets and proudly wearing their gold cross under their mardi gras beads? ) 
\n
\n
\nGentlemen, I am going to let you in on a secret. Sex costs money. The more sex you want, the more it will cost. You can skirt the bill for a little while and then the big total eventually catches up to you. Girlfriends and mistresses are cheap at first, but eventually you will get hit with fatherhood, child support or a small divorce. Your next upgrade would be professional full service massages and their courteous pimps. If you are still not sure if you are ready for the top of the line sex, you can try the fiance\' mode for a while, but be carefull with the early termination charges. If you want the whole enchilada, go for the wife. This is the most expensive sex you can have and thusly the best. If you are truely a love machine, wife will actually go to work on her own and reduce the sexpenses. I\'ve heard stories of men with multiple wives. I\'ve also heard of dragons and unicorns.
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\nThe response to this post has been hysterical. Only a few haters. They flag and it takes me 30 seconds to repost. Many, many people telling me their roommate from hell stories. I will just keep adding to it. There are real people in need. If you can help and are running a halfway home, Bless you. When investing in people, all it takes is one success story to recover from all the failures. 
\n
\n
\n
\na word or two from a boarder, renter and home owner
\n
\n
\n
'}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-06-06T03:22:51-05:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=6, tm_mday=6, tm_hour=8, tm_min=22, tm_sec=51, tm_wday=2, tm_yday=157, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/dal/6609315518.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chs/6594680929.html', 'title': 'Prick on the Patio at Wild Wings', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Prick on the Patio at Wild Wings'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chs/6594680929.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chs/6594680929.html', 'summary': 'For your own health and the general good of society, I need you to find Jesus.  If He doesn\'t work for you, take up yoga or progressive muscle relaxation - maybe even give Valium a try. Better yet, seek counseling from a licensed therapist. Because buddy, you don\'t know me, but you seem CRAZY.
\n
\nI\'m the lady seated next to you on the patio at Wild Wing Cafe in North Charleston today.  Instead of a nice lunch with my mother, I was treated to your delightful 45 minute diatribe of filth.  Your performance of what I can only assume was a toddler\'s temper tantrum was truly inspired.  FYI - in most civilized society, when the lovely woman dining with you repeatedly begs you ssshhhh, you really should shut up. 
\n
\nGiven that the ACTUAL child at your table seems to still be of an impressionable age, I strongly encourage you to expand your vocabulary.  As something of a word-enthusiast myself, I was impressed with your highly diverse use of expletives. Who hasn\'t marveled at the myriad nuances of the F-Bomb? It won Matt Damon and Ben Affleck an Oscar for Good Will Hunting.  Pretty sure I read an article about how people who swear are more creative, too. But time and place, man. Time and place.  Sunday supper on the Wild Wings patio crawling with kids is neither time nor place. 
\n
\nJudgy vocabulary critique aside, here\'s an observation I think is relevant.  In the course of about an hour, you had not one positive thing to say about anything. And I do mean anything. It became like car bingo for us, waiting to see if you were pleased with or grateful for absolutely anything in your life.  Cute kid, incredibly patient woman, decent life according to your humble brags, name brand clothes, several beers, table full of food, and my *happy* bingo board stayed blank.  
\n
\nIf it were *racial slur* bingo, the winnings still wouldn\'t be enough to tip the waitress what she deserves for putting up with you.  Alexis was one of the best waitresses I\'ve ever had there.  That\'s right, she has a name, and it\'s not the word you were using.  You know that beer you lied about waiting for for so long? I tipped her double because she didn\'t pour it over your head.  If she had doused you with it, I\'d have left even more. 
\n
\nWe made sure to let the manager know how things really went down.  I think "ass-hat" is the term I used (quietly in private conversation with another adult... like I said, time and place). 
\n
\nYou were trying to con the meal for free when we left; I hope that didn\'t work. If you\'re going to lie about how great the service always IS at the other location where you eat ALL THE TIME, you really shouldn\'t have specified the one downtown.  Yeah, see, I loved that place, too.  I was really bummed when they closed 18 months ago.  
\n
\nMaybe you\'re a great guy having a bad day.  
\n
\nMaybe you just need somebody to tell you to quit being an ass-hat. 
\n
\nQuit being an ass-hat.
\n
\n
', 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'For your own health and the general good of society, I need you to find Jesus.  If He doesn\'t work for you, take up yoga or progressive muscle relaxation - maybe even give Valium a try. Better yet, seek counseling from a licensed therapist. Because buddy, you don\'t know me, but you seem CRAZY.
\n
\nI\'m the lady seated next to you on the patio at Wild Wing Cafe in North Charleston today.  Instead of a nice lunch with my mother, I was treated to your delightful 45 minute diatribe of filth.  Your performance of what I can only assume was a toddler\'s temper tantrum was truly inspired.  FYI - in most civilized society, when the lovely woman dining with you repeatedly begs you ssshhhh, you really should shut up. 
\n
\nGiven that the ACTUAL child at your table seems to still be of an impressionable age, I strongly encourage you to expand your vocabulary.  As something of a word-enthusiast myself, I was impressed with your highly diverse use of expletives. Who hasn\'t marveled at the myriad nuances of the F-Bomb? It won Matt Damon and Ben Affleck an Oscar for Good Will Hunting.  Pretty sure I read an article about how people who swear are more creative, too. But time and place, man. Time and place.  Sunday supper on the Wild Wings patio crawling with kids is neither time nor place. 
\n
\nJudgy vocabulary critique aside, here\'s an observation I think is relevant.  In the course of about an hour, you had not one positive thing to say about anything. And I do mean anything. It became like car bingo for us, waiting to see if you were pleased with or grateful for absolutely anything in your life.  Cute kid, incredibly patient woman, decent life according to your humble brags, name brand clothes, several beers, table full of food, and my *happy* bingo board stayed blank.  
\n
\nIf it were *racial slur* bingo, the winnings still wouldn\'t be enough to tip the waitress what she deserves for putting up with you.  Alexis was one of the best waitresses I\'ve ever had there.  That\'s right, she has a name, and it\'s not the word you were using.  You know that beer you lied about waiting for for so long? I tipped her double because she didn\'t pour it over your head.  If she had doused you with it, I\'d have left even more. 
\n
\nWe made sure to let the manager know how things really went down.  I think "ass-hat" is the term I used (quietly in private conversation with another adult... like I said, time and place). 
\n
\nYou were trying to con the meal for free when we left; I hope that didn\'t work. If you\'re going to lie about how great the service always IS at the other location where you eat ALL THE TIME, you really shouldn\'t have specified the one downtown.  Yeah, see, I loved that place, too.  I was really bummed when they closed 18 months ago.  
\n
\nMaybe you\'re a great guy having a bad day.  
\n
\nMaybe you just need somebody to tell you to quit being an ass-hat. 
\n
\nQuit being an ass-hat.
\n
\n
'}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-05-21T00:29:27-04:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=5, tm_mday=21, tm_hour=4, tm_min=29, tm_sec=27, tm_wday=0, tm_yday=141, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chs/6594680929.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/6590745682.html', 'title': 'Gigantic Framed Art Angel Print With Hamburger Thoughts', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Gigantic Framed Art Angel Print With Hamburger Thoughts'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/6590745682.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/6590745682.html', 'summary': "This peint is absolutely huge. It's 56 in Long 1 inch thick and 40 in tall.
\n
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "This peint is absolutely huge. It's 56 in Long 1 inch thick and 40 in tall.
\n
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-05-16T11:57:29-07:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=5, tm_mday=16, tm_hour=18, tm_min=57, tm_sec=29, tm_wday=2, tm_yday=136, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/pdx/6590745682.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tpk/6581431260.html', 'title': '95 Honda CBR 900RR', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': '95 Honda CBR 900RR'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tpk/6581431260.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tpk/6581431260.html', 'summary': "1995 Honda CBR 900 RR, very unique.  Yes it is wrapped with wrinke crush velvet.  Slavage title and has a 96 motor in it.  Will need tires.  We've had the bike since 2001. Cross posted.
\n
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "1995 Honda CBR 900 RR, very unique.  Yes it is wrapped with wrinke crush velvet.  Slavage title and has a 96 motor in it.  Will need tires.  We've had the bike since 2001. Cross posted.
\n
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-05-06T11:59:40-05:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=5, tm_mday=6, tm_hour=16, tm_min=59, tm_sec=40, tm_wday=6, tm_yday=126, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tpk/6581431260.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hou/6565526716.html', 'title': '1999 Toyota Corolla - Fine AF', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': '1999 Toyota Corolla - Fine AF'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hou/6565526716.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hou/6565526716.html', 'summary': 'You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that\'s hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further. 
\n
\nThe 1999 Toyota Corolla. 
\n
\nLet\'s talk about features. 
\nBluetooth: nope
\nSunroof: nope
\nFancy wheels: nope
\nRear view camera: nope...but it\'s got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn. 
\n
\nLet me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn\'t give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End. 
\n
\nYou could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up. 
\n
\nThis car will outlive you, it will outlive your children. 
\n
\nThings this car is old enough to do:
\nVote: yes
\nConsent to sex: yes
\nRent a car: it IS a car
\n
\nThis car\'s got history. It\'s seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It\'s not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would. 
\n
\nInteresting facts:
\nThis car\'s exterior color is gray, but it\'s interior color is grey. 
\nIn the owner\'s manual, oil is listed as "optional."
\nWhen this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla"
\n
\nYou wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey. 
\nFavorite food: spaghetti
\nFavorite tv show: Alf
\nFavorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
\n
\nThis car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It\'s as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It\'s as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills.
\n
\nWhen I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It\'s a Corolla. It\'s fine."
\n
\nLet\'s face the facts, this car isn\'t going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn\'t the car you want, it\'s the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
\n
', 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that\'s hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further. 
\n
\nThe 1999 Toyota Corolla. 
\n
\nLet\'s talk about features. 
\nBluetooth: nope
\nSunroof: nope
\nFancy wheels: nope
\nRear view camera: nope...but it\'s got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn. 
\n
\nLet me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn\'t give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End. 
\n
\nYou could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up. 
\n
\nThis car will outlive you, it will outlive your children. 
\n
\nThings this car is old enough to do:
\nVote: yes
\nConsent to sex: yes
\nRent a car: it IS a car
\n
\nThis car\'s got history. It\'s seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It\'s not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would. 
\n
\nInteresting facts:
\nThis car\'s exterior color is gray, but it\'s interior color is grey. 
\nIn the owner\'s manual, oil is listed as "optional."
\nWhen this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla"
\n
\nYou wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey. 
\nFavorite food: spaghetti
\nFavorite tv show: Alf
\nFavorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
\n
\nThis car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It\'s as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It\'s as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills.
\n
\nWhen I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It\'s a Corolla. It\'s fine."
\n
\nLet\'s face the facts, this car isn\'t going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn\'t the car you want, it\'s the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
\n
'}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-04-19T10:52:11-05:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=4, tm_mday=19, tm_hour=15, tm_min=52, tm_sec=11, tm_wday=3, tm_yday=109, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/hou/6565526716.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/6558962708.html', 'title': 'My facebook archive', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'My facebook archive'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/6558962708.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/6558962708.html', 'summary': "I decided to cut out the middle man and sell my facebook data directly. By purchasing my facebook archive you can check out what I like, what I love and what makes me cry and market your products and political organizations to me more accurately. Furthermore, you can know who my friends are, which ones I follow and which ones I mute. You can see how far I got in mafia wars and my high score in bubble bobble. How well did I do on that math puzzle that's driving the internet crazy? Find out by purchasing my facebook data! Here is just a sample of the data you will receive when you purchase my facebook archive:
\n
\nMy family lives in Arizona and they have guns!
\nI was born in Los Angeles but I don't live there anymore!
\nI posted a picture of the ribs I made one weekend in Hightstown, NJ!
\nI've been to Great Adventure!
\n
\nAnd much much more! Don't miss out on your opportunity to market to me and possibly manipulate my political decision. Act now, this is a limited time offer (because I assume craigslist will take down this ad).
\n
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "I decided to cut out the middle man and sell my facebook data directly. By purchasing my facebook archive you can check out what I like, what I love and what makes me cry and market your products and political organizations to me more accurately. Furthermore, you can know who my friends are, which ones I follow and which ones I mute. You can see how far I got in mafia wars and my high score in bubble bobble. How well did I do on that math puzzle that's driving the internet crazy? Find out by purchasing my facebook data! Here is just a sample of the data you will receive when you purchase my facebook archive:
\n
\nMy family lives in Arizona and they have guns!
\nI was born in Los Angeles but I don't live there anymore!
\nI posted a picture of the ribs I made one weekend in Hightstown, NJ!
\nI've been to Great Adventure!
\n
\nAnd much much more! Don't miss out on your opportunity to market to me and possibly manipulate my political decision. Act now, this is a limited time offer (because I assume craigslist will take down this ad).
\n
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-04-12T10:54:34-04:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=4, tm_mday=12, tm_hour=14, tm_min=54, tm_sec=34, tm_wday=3, tm_yday=102, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/6558962708.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ind/6558058972.html', 'title': 'Free Tree for firewood-Yes, THE famous Hillary Clinton Tree!', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Free Tree for firewood-Yes, THE famous Hillary Clinton Tree!'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ind/6558058972.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ind/6558058972.html', 'summary': "Several years ago Hillary Clinton's motorcade passed by my humble home near Zionsville Road and West 62 street in NW Indy. Apparently she became so displeased that her staff could not move my Ash (tree) from the RIGHT to the LEFT (of my driveway), she smote the tree and it died immediately. It would be a pleasure to donate this corpse of a tree to your next deplorable bonfire gathering. Just cut her down and haul her away. If the ad is still up, the tree is still up, Trump is still President and the tree is still available. Regrettably, I am retired and on a limited income or I'd be able to pay for removal myself. Don't waste my time. PLEASE NO STUMP KICKERS. Cut it down and haul it away at your own risk and only if you are serious about MAGA! No! I will not send it through Western Union nor will I allow a third party (Libertarian, Socialist etc) to pick it up for you. I would prefer that all replies are transmitted through mental telepathy, but at my age I often forget to remove my tin foil hat which might be blocking our thoughts, so if I don't seem to be responding or the response comes back in Russian, you may want to try the email provided. If you can't physically help rid me of this menacing figure ( for God's sake, act fast, we have children in our neighborhood!) a donation to have it removed might be an option for you. Although it may be only a small start to Making America Great Again, 
\nstarting in my once tranquil neighborhood is as good as any place to begin. Consult with your tax specialist to verify if your donation is axe deductible...
\n
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "Several years ago Hillary Clinton's motorcade passed by my humble home near Zionsville Road and West 62 street in NW Indy. Apparently she became so displeased that her staff could not move my Ash (tree) from the RIGHT to the LEFT (of my driveway), she smote the tree and it died immediately. It would be a pleasure to donate this corpse of a tree to your next deplorable bonfire gathering. Just cut her down and haul her away. If the ad is still up, the tree is still up, Trump is still President and the tree is still available. Regrettably, I am retired and on a limited income or I'd be able to pay for removal myself. Don't waste my time. PLEASE NO STUMP KICKERS. Cut it down and haul it away at your own risk and only if you are serious about MAGA! No! I will not send it through Western Union nor will I allow a third party (Libertarian, Socialist etc) to pick it up for you. I would prefer that all replies are transmitted through mental telepathy, but at my age I often forget to remove my tin foil hat which might be blocking our thoughts, so if I don't seem to be responding or the response comes back in Russian, you may want to try the email provided. If you can't physically help rid me of this menacing figure ( for God's sake, act fast, we have children in our neighborhood!) a donation to have it removed might be an option for you. Although it may be only a small start to Making America Great Again, 
\nstarting in my once tranquil neighborhood is as good as any place to begin. Consult with your tax specialist to verify if your donation is axe deductible...
\n
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-04-11T11:41:43-04:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=4, tm_mday=11, tm_hour=15, tm_min=41, tm_sec=43, tm_wday=2, tm_yday=101, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ind/6558058972.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/det/6543142982.html', 'title': 'Want to watch a live birth on mushrooms', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Want to watch a live birth on mushrooms'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/det/6543142982.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/det/6543142982.html', 'summary': "Hey there,
\n
\nMy friends and I were trying to figure out the craziest thing we could do on magic mushrooms and realized that watching a live child birth would be, by far, the most incredible, mind-blowing experience that we could think of.
\n
\nWe are looking for a woman with-child who would permit 5 respectful ~27 year old men to watch her give live birth, while on magic mushrooms.
\n
\nCompensation is negotiable, but for sure at least $100 pp and the knowledge of knowning that you just blew some peoples' mind, having a baby come out of you.
\n
\nThis offer may not be for everyone. If you know someone who may be interested, plase share this offer so that might fulfill our dream of watching a live birth on mushrooms.
\n
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "Hey there,
\n
\nMy friends and I were trying to figure out the craziest thing we could do on magic mushrooms and realized that watching a live child birth would be, by far, the most incredible, mind-blowing experience that we could think of.
\n
\nWe are looking for a woman with-child who would permit 5 respectful ~27 year old men to watch her give live birth, while on magic mushrooms.
\n
\nCompensation is negotiable, but for sure at least $100 pp and the knowledge of knowning that you just blew some peoples' mind, having a baby come out of you.
\n
\nThis offer may not be for everyone. If you know someone who may be interested, plase share this offer so that might fulfill our dream of watching a live birth on mushrooms.
\n
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-03-26T08:18:25-04:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=3, tm_mday=26, tm_hour=12, tm_min=18, tm_sec=25, tm_wday=0, tm_yday=85, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/det/6543142982.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/6524792918.html', 'title': 'Mercedes-Benz Sprinter DIESEL MANUAL SAUNA BANIA', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Mercedes-Benz Sprinter DIESEL MANUAL SAUNA BANIA'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/6524792918.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/6524792918.html', 'summary': "1991 Mercedes-Benz 410D! 
\nRemovable & Portable Russian bath sauna spa!
\n95 HP! 
\n DIESEL!
\nCLEAN! RUNS DRIVES GREAT!
\n5-SPEED MANUAL TRANSMISSION!
\nNO RUST!
\nBRAND NEW TIRES!
\nAND MUCH MUCH MORE!
\nThe mileage on the title is exempt by Federal Law (Vehicles over 10 years and older) and the odometer reads 48,440 miles, which is 77,958 km as shown in the pics. 
\nIMPORTED DIRECTLY FROM GERMANY!
\nIt has a clean PA title that can be registered in any other state with no issues. 
\nPlease make sure you have read and understood our description along with our terms and conditions before placing your bid.
\nWe don't finance, BUT we will work with your bank to get you financing! Please make sure you're pre-approved and have fund available before bidding!
\nThe sauna is BRAND NEW, NEVER USED and is ready to go!  It can be removed from the truck and put anywhere you'd like. A full restoration has been performed to this truck interior and exterior!
\n
\nSpecs:
\n· Real wood glued beams
\n· Bath-tub from selected pine needles, dried to 8% humidity
\n· Wood treatment with protective compounds (2 layers)
\n· 2 shelves and a trapeze on the floor of linden or aspen (for each room)
\n· Wood-burning Finnish oven Harvia M2 complete with a chimney and a tank of 55 liters
\n· Stones for gabbro-dibaz oven 20 kg
\n· Protection against heating from the minerite behind the furnace and under it
\n· Adjustable ventilation
\n· Door combined wood + glass with handles, platbands and lock (for each room)
\n· Stainless steel hoops with adjustable locks
\n· Lighting and electrical kit
\n
\nDimensions:
\nOverall length 16.4 ft / Ø - 7ft
\nSteam room - 20.5 sq ft
\nWashing - 14 sq ft
\nThe anteroom - 19.4 sq ft
\nOther:
\nOven - Harvia m2
\nWater tank (heated) - 13.2 gallons
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "1991 Mercedes-Benz 410D! 
\nRemovable & Portable Russian bath sauna spa!
\n95 HP! 
\n DIESEL!
\nCLEAN! RUNS DRIVES GREAT!
\n5-SPEED MANUAL TRANSMISSION!
\nNO RUST!
\nBRAND NEW TIRES!
\nAND MUCH MUCH MORE!
\nThe mileage on the title is exempt by Federal Law (Vehicles over 10 years and older) and the odometer reads 48,440 miles, which is 77,958 km as shown in the pics. 
\nIMPORTED DIRECTLY FROM GERMANY!
\nIt has a clean PA title that can be registered in any other state with no issues. 
\nPlease make sure you have read and understood our description along with our terms and conditions before placing your bid.
\nWe don't finance, BUT we will work with your bank to get you financing! Please make sure you're pre-approved and have fund available before bidding!
\nThe sauna is BRAND NEW, NEVER USED and is ready to go!  It can be removed from the truck and put anywhere you'd like. A full restoration has been performed to this truck interior and exterior!
\n
\nSpecs:
\n· Real wood glued beams
\n· Bath-tub from selected pine needles, dried to 8% humidity
\n· Wood treatment with protective compounds (2 layers)
\n· 2 shelves and a trapeze on the floor of linden or aspen (for each room)
\n· Wood-burning Finnish oven Harvia M2 complete with a chimney and a tank of 55 liters
\n· Stones for gabbro-dibaz oven 20 kg
\n· Protection against heating from the minerite behind the furnace and under it
\n· Adjustable ventilation
\n· Door combined wood + glass with handles, platbands and lock (for each room)
\n· Stainless steel hoops with adjustable locks
\n· Lighting and electrical kit
\n
\nDimensions:
\nOverall length 16.4 ft / Ø - 7ft
\nSteam room - 20.5 sq ft
\nWashing - 14 sq ft
\nThe anteroom - 19.4 sq ft
\nOther:
\nOven - Harvia m2
\nWater tank (heated) - 13.2 gallons
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-03-09T16:52:52-05:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=3, tm_mday=9, tm_hour=21, tm_min=52, tm_sec=52, tm_wday=4, tm_yday=68, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/6524792918.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/atl/6521329251.html', 'title': 'Making dirty movies for the county', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Making dirty movies for the county'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/atl/6521329251.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/atl/6521329251.html', 'summary': "Interested in work in the vast sewer industry here in Atlanta then you just got the lottery, I'm hiring helpers to do video inspections with sonar in large diameter sewer, will train and certify in confined space. Look at it this way everybody's got to eat, sleep, sh!t and die so there will always be a need for this type of work. If interested email resume
\n
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "Interested in work in the vast sewer industry here in Atlanta then you just got the lottery, I'm hiring helpers to do video inspections with sonar in large diameter sewer, will train and certify in confined space. Look at it this way everybody's got to eat, sleep, sh!t and die so there will always be a need for this type of work. If interested email resume
\n
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-03-06T21:12:27-05:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=3, tm_mday=7, tm_hour=2, tm_min=12, tm_sec=27, tm_wday=2, tm_yday=66, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/atl/6521329251.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/6513230932.html', 'title': 'Full Size Wax Figures Dressed in Amish Wardrobe-40 Different Sizes/Ages-Male/Fem', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Full Size Wax Figures Dressed in Amish Wardrobe-40 Different Sizes/Ages-Male/Fem'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/6513230932.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/6513230932.html', 'summary': 'Selling 40 full-sized wax figures/vinyl in Amish wardrobe from the Amish Farm and House tourist attraction. Originally from the Lancaster Wax Museum in a barn raising scene.  Mostly all of them believed to be made by Dorfman Museum Figures out of Baltimore.  The infant has a stamp from a different manufacturer. 
\nVarying sizes, ages and details on these figures. The wardrobe can be exchanged to suit your historical or theatrical needs. There are 5 female figures, 3 children figures, about 32 male figures and 1 dog. Five of the men are mechanical. The dog is mechanical as well. Varying conditions. The parts are removable and some are disassembled but can be assembled for viewing.$1500 for anamatronic figure, $350-For full-sized adults, $300-Children/Dog.  Hoping to sell as a set.  Only Reasonable offers and Serious Buyers Please.', 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Selling 40 full-sized wax figures/vinyl in Amish wardrobe from the Amish Farm and House tourist attraction. Originally from the Lancaster Wax Museum in a barn raising scene.  Mostly all of them believed to be made by Dorfman Museum Figures out of Baltimore.  The infant has a stamp from a different manufacturer. 
\nVarying sizes, ages and details on these figures. The wardrobe can be exchanged to suit your historical or theatrical needs. There are 5 female figures, 3 children figures, about 32 male figures and 1 dog. Five of the men are mechanical. The dog is mechanical as well. Varying conditions. The parts are removable and some are disassembled but can be assembled for viewing.$1500 for anamatronic figure, $350-For full-sized adults, $300-Children/Dog.  Hoping to sell as a set.  Only Reasonable offers and Serious Buyers Please.'}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-02-28T10:25:57-05:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=2, tm_mday=28, tm_hour=15, tm_min=25, tm_sec=57, tm_wday=2, tm_yday=59, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/6513230932.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mlb/6480376032.html', 'title': 'FS: Gently Used Orbital Launch Vehicle', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'FS: Gently Used Orbital Launch Vehicle'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mlb/6480376032.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mlb/6480376032.html', 'summary': "Gently used orbital rocket in good condition. Fully loaded with onboard flight computer, launch and landing hardware. Take off and land anywhere! 9X Merlin engines each capable of producing 200k lb.ft of thrust. Just fuel it up and it's ready to go. Says Falcon 9 on the body, slight burnt paint can be buffed out. 
\n
\nMust bring own tug boat, no shipping. Asking $9,900,000 or best offer. Do not lowball, this is an orbital capable autonomous rocket. You will not find another one like it.
\n
\nSerious buyers only.
\n
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "Gently used orbital rocket in good condition. Fully loaded with onboard flight computer, launch and landing hardware. Take off and land anywhere! 9X Merlin engines each capable of producing 200k lb.ft of thrust. Just fuel it up and it's ready to go. Says Falcon 9 on the body, slight burnt paint can be buffed out. 
\n
\nMust bring own tug boat, no shipping. Asking $9,900,000 or best offer. Do not lowball, this is an orbital capable autonomous rocket. You will not find another one like it.
\n
\nSerious buyers only.
\n
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2018-02-01T01:12:07-05:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2018, tm_mon=2, tm_mday=1, tm_hour=6, tm_min=12, tm_sec=7, tm_wday=3, tm_yday=32, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mlb/6480376032.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/6429271811.html', 'title': 'Graveyard Vigilante Slayer - w4m', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Graveyard Vigilante Slayer - w4m'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/6429271811.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/6429271811.html', 'summary': 'I knew we were meant to be the moment you said Hillary Clinton was a lizard person. I didn\'t care that you liked wearing socks with your flip flops, or that you like to dress in all black leather. I didn\'t judge you for being #Team Edward, or Bernie. Truth is, you make me laugh to the point my chapped lips bleed. 
\n As I lay at night awake writing in my pink and purple "My Little Pony" journal, I snuggle up to my waifu pillow and wish it was you. I vision you standing there with your Fabio hair blowing in the wind. In one hand you have a hammer and in the other is a pack of vagina dental dam. 
\n You will probably never see this..... But if you do,ride off with me in the sunset on my George Jetson mop. Come live a life together on a farm, breeding horses simulation style. I will never force you to drink shitty drinks like Budlight. And we can have pet rats and train them to do cool tricks.
\n
', 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'I knew we were meant to be the moment you said Hillary Clinton was a lizard person. I didn\'t care that you liked wearing socks with your flip flops, or that you like to dress in all black leather. I didn\'t judge you for being #Team Edward, or Bernie. Truth is, you make me laugh to the point my chapped lips bleed. 
\n As I lay at night awake writing in my pink and purple "My Little Pony" journal, I snuggle up to my waifu pillow and wish it was you. I vision you standing there with your Fabio hair blowing in the wind. In one hand you have a hammer and in the other is a pack of vagina dental dam. 
\n You will probably never see this..... But if you do,ride off with me in the sunset on my George Jetson mop. Come live a life together on a farm, breeding horses simulation style. I will never force you to drink shitty drinks like Budlight. And we can have pet rats and train them to do cool tricks.
\n
'}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2017-12-17T17:16:46-07:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2017, tm_mon=12, tm_mday=18, tm_hour=0, tm_min=16, tm_sec=46, tm_wday=0, tm_yday=352, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ftc/6429271811.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/6347158313.html', 'title': 'Osteologist near Clark Park - w4w', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Osteologist near Clark Park - w4w'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/6347158313.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/6347158313.html', 'summary': "You are studying osteology, but I think not in Philly.  You and your girlfriend admired the plastic dog skeleton on my porch, and you thought it was extremely amusing that its scapulae were on backwards.  We tried unsuccessfully to repair it.  If that's not enough for you to know I'm talking about you, then you will also remember that you identified a mysterious skull I found in the ocean. I forget now what kind of fish it's from, so please tell me again what it is, though this is not why I am trying to find you.  
\nYou may recall I mentioned a dead groundhog I buried last summer and that I was hoping to put its skeleton together somehow and I believe you two wanted to help.  I think I might see if it's sufficiently decomposed now to do this project.  If you're still interested, please get in touch.  
\nJust to be clear: This is a platonic request for help to reassemble the skeleton of a dead groundhog.
\n
\n
\n
\n
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "You are studying osteology, but I think not in Philly.  You and your girlfriend admired the plastic dog skeleton on my porch, and you thought it was extremely amusing that its scapulae were on backwards.  We tried unsuccessfully to repair it.  If that's not enough for you to know I'm talking about you, then you will also remember that you identified a mysterious skull I found in the ocean. I forget now what kind of fish it's from, so please tell me again what it is, though this is not why I am trying to find you.  
\nYou may recall I mentioned a dead groundhog I buried last summer and that I was hoping to put its skeleton together somehow and I believe you two wanted to help.  I think I might see if it's sufficiently decomposed now to do this project.  If you're still interested, please get in touch.  
\nJust to be clear: This is a platonic request for help to reassemble the skeleton of a dead groundhog.
\n
\n
\n
\n
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2017-10-15T13:12:12-04:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2017, tm_mon=10, tm_mday=15, tm_hour=17, tm_min=12, tm_sec=12, tm_wday=6, tm_yday=288, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/6347158313.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6340938908.html', 'title': 'Update Lost home in fire', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Update Lost home in fire'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6340938908.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6340938908.html', 'summary': '"Update" Thank to everyone who has graciously offered my parents a place to stay. Luckily my brother\'s home has survived, and they have decided to stay with him while they rebuild their lives.
\nWhen this first happened my mom said she felt she had been erased and no one noticed. She has been in much better spirits seeing these responses.
\n
\nMy parents lost their home in the Tubbs fire yesterday. They almost did not make it out alive and left with their dogs and what they were wearing. They have nothing left. Both of them work in Santa Rosa full time. They are not looking for anything for free. They are just looking for some hospitality or some privacy. They are currently staying at the Sheraton in Petaluma. After searching all day yesterday they were lucky to book this hotel after many reservations were cancelled. In their worst or times the hotel and many who were not affected by the fire have not been at all hospitable. If anyone reading this has an air bnb rental or anything my parents can rent, they would greatly appreciate it. I am hoping there is someone out there who can make them feel welcome or just give them as much privacy and space as possible. They were homeowners who had just finished remodeling their home themselves, across from Coffey park, when it was all taken away within hours. Seeing my mother cry while she closed her burnt mail box, the only thing left standing, was something I will never forget. Please contact me if you have an available rental outside of the evacuation areas or know someone that does. Thank you.
\n
', 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': '"Update" Thank to everyone who has graciously offered my parents a place to stay. Luckily my brother\'s home has survived, and they have decided to stay with him while they rebuild their lives.
\nWhen this first happened my mom said she felt she had been erased and no one noticed. She has been in much better spirits seeing these responses.
\n
\nMy parents lost their home in the Tubbs fire yesterday. They almost did not make it out alive and left with their dogs and what they were wearing. They have nothing left. Both of them work in Santa Rosa full time. They are not looking for anything for free. They are just looking for some hospitality or some privacy. They are currently staying at the Sheraton in Petaluma. After searching all day yesterday they were lucky to book this hotel after many reservations were cancelled. In their worst or times the hotel and many who were not affected by the fire have not been at all hospitable. If anyone reading this has an air bnb rental or anything my parents can rent, they would greatly appreciate it. I am hoping there is someone out there who can make them feel welcome or just give them as much privacy and space as possible. They were homeowners who had just finished remodeling their home themselves, across from Coffey park, when it was all taken away within hours. Seeing my mother cry while she closed her burnt mail box, the only thing left standing, was something I will never forget. Please contact me if you have an available rental outside of the evacuation areas or know someone that does. Thank you.
\n
'}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2017-10-10T13:51:59-07:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2017, tm_mon=10, tm_mday=10, tm_hour=20, tm_min=51, tm_sec=59, tm_wday=1, tm_yday=283, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/6340938908.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}, {'id': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/vis/6326552375.html', 'title': 'Vintage Chuck E Cheese Showbiz Pizza Animatronic Band w/ Stage', 'title_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'Vintage Chuck E Cheese Showbiz Pizza Animatronic Band w/ Stage'}, 'links': [{'rel': 'alternate', 'type': 'text/html', 'href': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/vis/6326552375.html'}], 'link': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/vis/6326552375.html', 'summary': "This is a 4 piece Beach Bowzer's Band on a Cabaret stage. Hasn't been used in a few years. Have Cyberamics Control System Parts Manual, Preventative Maintenance Program Outline, Tech Manual.  Tapes include Beach Bowzer's Ed Sullivan Cabaret,  Beagles #3 Cabaret, and Beach Bowzer's Diagnostics Cabaret. Tapes are dated 1985. Don't know how to operate. As is.
\n
", 'summary_detail': {'type': 'text/html', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': "This is a 4 piece Beach Bowzer's Band on a Cabaret stage. Hasn't been used in a few years. Have Cyberamics Control System Parts Manual, Preventative Maintenance Program Outline, Tech Manual.  Tapes include Beach Bowzer's Ed Sullivan Cabaret,  Beagles #3 Cabaret, and Beach Bowzer's Diagnostics Cabaret. Tapes are dated 1985. Don't know how to operate. As is.
\n
"}, 'authors': [{'email': '[email protected]'}], 'author': '[email protected]', 'author_detail': {'email': '[email protected]'}, 'updated': '2017-09-29T16:35:05-07:00', 'updated_parsed': time.struct_time(tm_year=2017, tm_mon=9, tm_mday=29, tm_hour=23, tm_min=35, tm_sec=5, tm_wday=4, tm_yday=272, tm_isdst=0), 'rights': 'copyright 2019 craigslist', 'rights_detail': {'type': 'text/plain', 'language': None, 'base': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/index.rss', 'value': 'copyright 2019 craigslist'}, 'dc_source': 'https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/vis/6326552375.html', 'dc_type': 'text'}]
25

4.8 总结（Summary）

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