《与焦虑、敏感和低落的孩子工作》第一章 1.3

《Working with Anxious, Nervous and Depressed Children》

I.FUNDAMENTALS OF A SPIRITUAL-EDUCATIONAL PRACTICE .(从灵性层面的教育实践基础)

1.3 QUESTIONS POSED BY THE WATCHMAN ON THE BRIDGE

守桥人的问题

Imagine yourself stepping onto a bridge as you fall asleep, and having an opportunity to relate to your child’s angel at the bridge’s far end. Then picture a watchman posted there whom you have to justify your crossing to. What do you suppose he would ask you?

想象你自己睡眠时踏上了一座桥,你有机会走到桥的那头和孩子的天使相遇。然后想象你会遇到一位守桥人,他会决定能否让你通过这座桥。你觉得他会问你什么问题?

His first question would be, “Are you bringing a clearly thought-out problem that concerns you deeply for the child’s sake rather than a problem of your own?” His second question, one that may surprise you, would be, “Have you formed a really clear image of the child?”

他的第一个问题可能是:“你是否带着一个深思熟虑的问题?这个问题是出自你对孩子的深切关怀而非你自己的问题。”他的第二个问题或许会让你惊喜:“你有没有形成一个孩子的真实清晰的图景?”

What does a really clear image mean? Under what conditions does that clear image form itself as one falls asleep? It happens gently as the result of having taken the trouble to observe the child keenly and lovingly at least once a day and to do so, as Rudolf Steiner put it, “with reverence for the child.”

一个真实清晰的图景意味着什么?在何种情况下,当你进入睡眠时会形成这样一个清晰图景?它的生成需要你能够在一天中至少一次非常敏锐和充满爱意去观察儿童,正如鲁道夫·施泰纳所说:“怀着对孩子的崇敬之情。”

One aspect of loving is the ongoing practice of overcoming one’s own habitual judgments, desires, expectations, and concepts, pushing them out of the way and giving oneself instead to listening and observing in what might be called an ever-marveling attentiveness to the phenomenon of the child’s image in the here and now, every least detail of which deserves your whole- hearted and nonjudgmental interest. At moments like these, such a reaction as, for example, annoyance that the child walks without lifting his feet properly, is completely out of place. You note instead that is his own particular way of walking. When you begin to feel a kind of tenderness awakening in you for the child’s very faults and weaknesses, for all the things that ordinarily lead to strife and anger, you will know that you are on the right path.

这种爱的一方面体现在进行持续的练习:去克服自己固有的评判,渴望,期待和概念,将这些都放到一边,取而代之的是在每一个当下都去聆听和观察(即诚心正意)有关孩子的图景和现象,每一个不起眼的小细节也需要你全情且没有评判的兴趣去投入其中。在这样的情况下,打个比方,那种因为孩子走路不能好好抬脚而引起的厌烦羞恼便不翼而飞。你只会注意到他这种特别的行走方式。当孩子犯错或是不尽如人意时(过去这些通常会引起冲突和愤怒),你能感受到你的内在有一种温柔的关切在苏醒,这就说明我们在正确的解决之道上了。

These are the two questions asked by our imaginary bridge watcher that we parents need to prepare ourselves to be able to say “yes” to. You can do this in the following way: abstaining as far as possible from hand wringing or resentment at your lack of ability, busying yourself with unflagging efforts to understand your child’s particular set of problems. Regard as less important the annoyance felt by you or reported by neigh- bors, or the child’s teachers, concentrating instead on its self- caused miseries (for you know there is a big difference between the things we would like a child to get over because he is hurt- ing himself and those that make us nervous or violate our prin- ciples). You can and will reach a point where you sense that you understand your child’s trouble, not perhaps in every detail and final consequence, but you become aware that you have reached as far as cognition can go, the tip of the problem.

那两个由想象中的守桥人提出的问题,都需要我们父母认真准备自己从而能够回答“是的”。你可能通过下面的方式来做到这一点:尽可能的把那种对自己无能为力的怨恨或无奈抛之脑后,让自己坚持不懈去努力理解孩子这些问题的特殊之处。不要把重点放在自己因为邻居、老师给你反映情况而产生的厌烦羞恼上,要把重点聚焦在这些问题本身会引起的痛苦上。(你肯定知道这两者的显著不同,一个是希望孩子自己能够免受伤害,一个则因为我们自己觉得不舒服或违背了我们的原则)你能够也一定会达到这样一种情况:你深刻的理解你孩子的困扰所在,不仅包括每一个细节和最终结果,而且你能意识到你变得更有觉知,走的更远,更了解问题的关键所在。

Let us take an example: You will see that on some days your child behaves as though he literally wants to jump out of his skin. Now there is a difference between regarding this as pure impudence, feeling oneself personally attacked and realizing in observant objectivity that at such times the child cannot manage his body properly and feels himself strangled and physically cooped up. You note his pale face and spotty skin and the way he moves, fighting restriction, probably complaining, too, about stupid tight clothing, though the clothes may not actually be tight.

让我们举个例子:你可能有时会觉得自己孩子好像要从自己的皮里面跳出来似的。我们可以用两种不同的方式来看待:一是将其视作单纯的鲁莽冒失,感觉自己受到了冒犯;或者当我们意识到用客观方式去看在那种情况下,孩子不能适当的控制他的肢体,而是感觉他自己被身体束缚或禁闭了。你可以注意到他面色苍白,皮肤有疹子,还有他的移动方式,或许是一种和限制或约束的对抗与抱怨,好像觉得衣服太紧了,虽然事实上衣服并不紧。

This provides you with an image: you see that the soul experiences itself in its body just like being in frightfully uncomfortable clothing, jammed in, as though itching unbearably from contact with some material or other. Can children be expected to behave nicely and pleasantly on such occasions?

这就给你提供了一个图景:孩子的心魂在物质身体中的感受就像是穿了一件很不合适的衣服,非常的紧,好像非常痒。孩子又怎么能在这样的情况下表现良好呢?

You see that when you are prompted by observations of this kind to pay more attention to nutritional matters and to seek professional advice (for it is natural to think that today’s children may be eating things that could set up internal irritation in them), it is not a question of your personal preferences, dislikes or principles influencing you to reduce the intake of sweets or animal protein; you are making your decision solely on the basis of protecting the child from harming himself. You are not asking out of annoyance at having such an independent, difficult child to bring up; you are asking, with full acceptance of the degree of patience needed by the child for his personal development, whether, when he’s having to behave badly when he really wants to be pleasant, this is only because his own body is his constant enemy, and he therefore needs your help. That is the first item.

通过这样的观察,你会对有营养的事物更加关注,从而去寻求专业的建议(因为可以非常自然的联想到现今的孩子可能吃了一些会刺激内在的事物)。根据你自己的喜好、厌恶或原则而让你减少糖分或动物蛋白的摄入并不是一个问题。你只能在保护自己的孩子不受伤害的基础上来作出决定。我们并没有要求你在养育一个独立、挑战的孩子过程中没有任何苦恼厌烦;只是让你带着对孩子个体发展过程中所必须的耐心全然接纳,无论是孩子表现好还是表现不好。因为孩子每时每刻都在和自己的身体作斗争,所以他需要你的帮助。这是首要的事情。

你可能感兴趣的:(《与焦虑、敏感和低落的孩子工作》第一章 1.3)