1.How to conquer goal saboteurs(underregulation and disregulation and solutions)
2.Realistic optimism
3.How can you increase your confidence when you feel unsure of yourself?
4.How can you increase your persistence?
5.When should you let one goal go?
1.Question:What are the goal saboteurs?How to conquer them?
TYPE ONE MISTAKE:UNDER-REGULATION(not do enough of something you need to do for reaching your goal.Most common problem)
A. Miss opportunities to act on your goal in a timely manner--seize the moment
Knowing what needs to be done to reach a goal is one thing,but acually doing it is another thing.Execution is much more important(执行力). What you really want(motivation/commitment/intentions) only account for 20-30% in your chances for success,while seizing the moment is more important.Please keep in mind that you are given opportunities to act on your goals throughout the day.We just miss them in a timely manner.
Every time you could act on your goal,what do you decide?Every time the opportunity arises,what do you choose?What do you do with the time you can work on your goals?
Are you wondering about which goal you should work on?Or what to do?Or how to work on it?
The challenge we face is to seize the opportunities before they slip away and not to let preocupation&distraction&indecision keep you from realizing your goal.
B.lacking self control to avoid temptation and control your impulse(wrong goal shielding)--careful planning
Your self-control helps you to expel distrctions and temptation when pursuing goals.When you don't have enough self-control,your brain has some other built-in mechanisms for providing the protection we need--goal shielding.However,the shields may protect the wrong things when two competing goals are fighting for control.
Time spent working on one goal is time not spent working on your other goals.For compatible goals(say,being an author,mother and a healthy person),it takes effort to find time but you can juggle them.But if you takes two goals that conflict with one another(goal conflict model),it's a challenge.You cannot travel the world while sticking close to the comforts of home.You cannot enjoy the food and control the weight.The power of inhibition(say,if your goal is to lose weight. It can activate food-enjoyment-goal and inhibit weight-control-goal) renders your briain shut off your weight-loss-goal and the related information.It's shielding the wrong thing.On the contrary, thought supprestion doesn't work and it will backfire.
C.No feedback about how well you are doing--self-monitoring
Without feedback,you are flying blind,which is impossible to reach the goal.Without feedback,your motivation shuts down.You brain wants to take action to REDUCE DISCREPANCY-the difference between where you want to be(goal) and where you actually are,when it is detected.Without feedback,there is no discrepancy to detect.
You need self-monitor yourself and figure out how well you are doing.Stop to get the information to evaluate yourself requires some effort(Newton law of inertia).Negative feedback,although it's psychologically painful,it's essential information to achieve your goal(say,change strategy).
Weekly weigh-ins and a detailed accounting of everything you eat each day,though time-consuming,keep you aware of how well you are doing as you work toward your goal.
SOLUTIONS:
-make a plan for how you will achieve your goal
Planning is not listing the actions that need to be taken in a very general way.An effective plan is one that spells out exactly what will be done,and where and how, and how much etc.This is the way to initiate implementation intention.
SMART principle:specific(when,where,what,how) :to decide when and where you will finish the task;Measurable;achievable;realistic;time-related
IF-THEN planning:If I am in this situation,then I will take this action.
Planning when,where, and how you will take actions needed to reach your goal is the single most effective thing you can do to increase your chances of success.When you decide when and where you will act on your goal, this will creates the link between the cue/situation(if) and the following behavior/action(then). After that, the cue/situation will be highly activated in your brain.Your brain will scan the environment and detect the "if" part.Once the "if" part of your plan occurs,the "then" part follows automatically.
If-then plan helps us conserve self-control resource.It detects the situation and directs our behavior without conscious effort,it requires less willpower.
If it's Sunday after dinner,I will phone Mom.
It can also supress unwanted behaviors(giving in temptation,disruptive thoughts,anxiety,exhaustion).
When I think about this snack food,I will not eat it.(repeat three times).
If I feel nervous,I will breath deeply.
-Build the self-control muscle
Your self-control muscle will get stronger if your exercise them and get atrophy when you put it rest.There are many different approaches to train your self-control muscle.like using non-dominant hand to brush your teeth,sitting up straight everytime it occurs to you etc.You just force yourself to do something you'd rather not do.You fight your urge to give in,give up.Pick up any activity that requires you to override an impulse/desire and fits with your life and your goal.Then make a plan(if-then) and make it daily routine.This will grow your self-control capacity and make it easier over time.It can impact every aspect of your life for the better.
No matter how strong your self-control muscle,the truth it will get tired and you need let it recover when its energy is spent.
How to speed up self-control recovery?
Rest.
**Catch self-control **by thinking about people we know with good-self control,or observing someone pursuing the goal of resisting temptation but maintain a little pschological distance.It can sap our self-control resouce if we were thinking it were happening to us.
Give yourself a pick-me-up.Create good moods by mood-enhancing gift,watching a comedy video,writing your most important values and why they matter to you.Anything that can lift your spirit should also restore your self-control strength.
Increse your blood-glucose through eating or drinking-consuming protein or complex carbohydrates(10mins to be metabolised to the brain)
In lowered self-control situation:HALT-Hungry,Angry,Lonely,Tired, how to protect your goal pursuits from bad influences?
Stop before you start(law of inertia)
Why-thinking(long-term goal,values and ideals) and self-monitoring(compare how you are doing with how you want to be doing)
Don't pursue two goals at once that both requires a lot of self-control.This is really asking for trouble.Respect the truth,no matter who you are,your self-control capacity has its limits.
Pay yourself for being good.Well-chosen incentives that appeal to the specific person can compensate for a lack of self-control by increasing overall motivation to succeed.
**Don't overestimate our control **and put us in harmful way.Most people think they have more self-control than they actually do.And people tend to forget how vulnerable we are in HALT(大脑的“遗忘痛苦”功能).Respect its inherently limited resource and pay attention to the cues when it might fail you and better prepare for it.
TYPE TWO MISTAKE:MIS-REGULATION
Use strategies that don't fit well with the goal.You choose wrong way to your goal.
Advice:Make sure you are self-monitoring.Evaluating your performance is the best way to discover that you need a new strategy,long before it's too late to make a change.
Reconsider some of your failures and think about where your problems may really lie(underregulation&misregulation).
2.Realistic optimism
Focus on the things you can control,like putting in effort,staying motivated and using the right strategies/plan,NOT things you cannot control,like luck,fate. It's called superiority illusion if you think youare ABOVE average in your abilities and good fortune will smile more than it will smile on everyone else.
correct:What would happen if I had done things differently?I would have worked if only I had tried.....Then you will better prepare for next time and it's useful for future performance.
incorrect:It would have been worse if I hadn't....You only want to make you feel better about failing,not improve your performance.
If your optimism is not real, then make it real.
step one:Articulate the reasons why you will do it well?
step two:How likely are other people to have that advantage as well?Will you stand out?Is that realistic?
step three:How can you take control over whether you succeed or fail?
3.How can you increase your confidence when you feel unsure of yourself?
-attributional retraining.Question your assumptions,consider other possiblilities.
Success is more due to effore/persistance/strategies/planning;
-Use role models.People who have succeeded in achieving the same goal.
-Reflect on some of your past successes.Think about the challenges you faced and the strategies you used.
-Use "if-then" to identify and challenge any negative thoughts as they occur.
-Visulize the steps-mentally simulate the process of achieving the goal,not success itself.Picture yourself doing what it takes to succeed.
4.How can you increase your persistence?
-start with the right goal.Choose the getting-better,autonomously chosen goals.
-attribute success&failures to the right causes-efforts,strategy,practise,planning,persistence,diligent.Believe that improvement is alway possible.
5.When should you let one goal go?
Your time,energy and self-control are limited resources.Pursuing several goals at a time but not being successful at any of them apparently is not what you want.
step one.Ask questions to decide if giving up is really what's best for you.
why am I having a hard time reaching the goal?-time,effort,approach,help,self-control,plan.
Am I able to do what it takes?
Will doing what costs me too much and make me unhappy?Will it sacrifice other important goals?
step two: not to dwell on it.Find a goal to take its place if you don't have one.
Respect the fact that you only have so much time and energy at your disposal to achieve your goal.