**Written on 2013-12-29 Sunday**
I was born in a traditional and typical family in China. None of the family members were Christian. My parents were born in the age of Cultural Revolution, a ten-year painful event when reciting the Chairman Mao's words was the major part of education and daily life. And they got married. In their struggle to establish the family, hardships made them believe in the mighty power of "Shang Tian", which is capable to change their destiny. They thought "Shang Tian" is beyond one's personal greatness by career achievement. Besides They even offer money in buddhism and taoism temples to wish for benefits and advantages in their endeavors. So they burned incense and fake money paper at traditional festivals, like Chinese New Year, Zhong Yuan Jie, etc., in order to communicate with the ancestors in that world and wish for good luck in this world. And they sometimes would turn to fortune-tellers who had a master knowledge of classical book "Yi Jing" so as to predict the odds in the life. To conclude, my parents did not have explicit religions. Most of the time I believed in what they did as well.
I learned science in high school and university. The Chinese were taught to believe in the unproven hypothesis of Evolution. The body was just a huge collection of biological cells or physical atoms. Our thoughts and behaviors were just the consequence of millions of different chemical reactions happening in the body. As a result, I love to school book knowledge and reason everything in logical way. Even so I followed all kinds of multi-idols worshiping rites. So I was very confusing deep inside, which became my biggest obstacle to believe in Christianity later on.
In August of the year 2008, I was given the opportunity to be an exchange student in State University of New York, which changed my life totally. During the first semester in NY, one of my American friends brought me to attend one church service and one Bible study. I found it "uninteresting" so I refused friends' invitations to continue attending. That was God's first calling at me. But I felt so distant from him.
During the winter vacation, I was assigned to live with one American family for about a month. The couple and his four children were godly nice to me. The husband was a junior paster in the nearby church. I spent more time with them in Church out of politeness. The music give me much joy and peace in heart. I read the Bible. But the verses were just like ordinary English sentences and I can not sense the true fundamental significance. To me, stories like a virgin gives birth, Christ cure the blind, Christ calm the sea, etc, just sounded untrue and unscientific. My reasoning mind baffled me. This was the second calling. But there was still a barrier between me and God.
Even if I did not enjoyed myself in Church, I did feel very grateful for hospitality of the family. So I decided to attend more services in the second semester. Otherwise, I really had nothing else to do in the weekends. So I made a lot of friends in Church. And they shared not only many Bible verses, but also great experiences with God. One was about physical recovery from nutrition dysfunction and bone weakness; One was about abstain from drug addiction. One was about mental recovery from the loss of a child. Emotion when talking, honest from eyes, the peaceful heart of those Christian friends moved me. The living footprint of God touched me. With God all "unscientific" things in Bible are possible. And I desired the joy and peace they radiated every day. The seed of faith already germinated a bit. But regretfully my heart was still stubborn, unwilling to give in fully.
After returning from US and continuing my last two years study of university, There was a time when I encountered with some American church missioners in Chengdu. They asked me to participate their family church activity for Christmas. On that event, they shared stories about Christ. We sung some songs and watched a video on Christianity. All these activities made me recall memories in America. On the way back home, I realized that this could be that God's calling again. But I wasted that great chance to let faith grow again.
When finishing my bachelor's degree in China, I achieved my goal - PhD admission from NTU graduate school. In August 2011, God brought me to Singapore. My first year was stuffed with courses and research work. So again the forever word "busy" became my excuse of not taking those opportunities to join church activities. But God had his mysterious plan.
My life seemed going quite smoothly until one day in May 2012 I began to feel pain in the right leg, just below the knee. At first the pain doesn't draw much attention from my "busy" life. I only started to take it seriously when the pain started to bother work and sleep. So I made an appointment with orthopedist in NUH after medications from NTU medical center and private clinics and Chinese acupuncture all failed to kill the pain. In the two weeks of waiting for the appointment, I had to pause my "busy" life and stay indoor since it had already been too painful to walk any more.
Pain was like a sword into my leg. Lonely and miserably indoor, I remembered the encouraging story of my American friends. As soon as the idea flashed in my mind, I hastily search for a Bible app on the phone and tried to find comfort, secretly hoping miracles could happen to me. Instead of miracle fade away of pain, I was shocked by the wisdom of Christ's words, like "But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick." (Matthew 9:12), "I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life" (John 8:12). Many other bible verses struck and comfort my mind and soul in a way no other Chinese words or English words had before. I was touched by God. My heart was softened. I began to surround myself. I began to pray, a thing I had never done all by myself. Praying for relief of pain made so peaceful heart.
Then I would never forgot the day when I firstly entered NUH, because that day I was informed that the disease in the leg was called osteosarcoma, a kind of bone cancer. It was a disease serious enough to rudely drag me away from busy life schedule and put me in hospital wards for more than a year. Even more seriously it could cost me a leg. In despair I kept reading the Bible.
In hospital, I had time, plenty of free time. Some of my friends brought me books on Christianity to read. They helped me clear my doubts on why Christ can do things science cannot explain, why Christ can also be a savior of Chinese and why Christian need spend so much time attending church and reading bible, etc. In meditation I knew God had a reason to let deadly disease happen to me. God had chosen me. **He did not abandon me. Instead he saved me.** God has a plan for everyone. God design a path for me, too.
Even though I became a cancer patient, God blessed me in all the other aspects. He solved the financial problems of getting medical treatment. He brought my parents safely to Singapore. He even answered my prayers for less side effect of chemotherapies. And he made me meet doctor Thomas Quah, who introduced CPBPC to me. He helps me get through the hardship of surgery and chemotherapies. I can not count all blessings one by one.
Coming CPBPC was the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. I was impressed by the simple design of sanctuary and classical ways of worshiping. Sense of peace and beauty fills my heart. I decide to keep attending the service continually. People are so nice to me. They come to fetch me to church and send me back home. They make it convenient for me to move around. They invite me to enjoy meals with them. They share bible verses. They answer my questions. They feel so joyful in God. I desire to be one of them. I enrolled in BBK. The lessons are filled with basic biblical doctrines, which may take years for me to figure out if I study Bible alone. The teachings make my faith grow based on Bible verses. Up to now, I am fully convinced that I am doomed to hell and only Jesus Christ can save me. How wonderful! Thank God! After almost four years of wondering outside the family of God. Now I wanted to join in. Once sprout of faith was destroyed by sinful acts and evil thoughts, now it grows abundantly. All these years I get the real peace and satisfaction to fill my empty heart. Now I know why I live. I live for God.
I finally reached this point. I am ready. I want to be baptized as a Christian in this church.