最近由于各种事情，变得越来越负能量爆棚，对自己感到怀疑和崩溃
今天在B站看到一段视频，句句说到心理，向一束光照到了心里，温暖和希望。现摘录出来，时时提醒自己,顺便学习英文。
Have you ever felt like waking up was the hardest thing to do?
Have you ever felt so betrayed,and frustrated,and so scared about where your life holds?
I think everyone , at some point in their life has experienced that debilitating fear,
And most importantly, doubt in themselves
Whether it's because you recently graduated,and are currently unemployed still,
Or that you've recently broken up with someone you were in a long relationship with,
Or that you are in your 40s,or 50s,and you still don't know what to do with your life
Please watch this entire vedio because I assure you,
these ideas,which are not mine by the way,
I'm not capable enough to come up with these ideas,these are genius ideas.
But ,if you can find out one little thing to do that will change your life for the better
I gurantee it ,you won't regret it
No.1.Start with acknowledgement
Just the fact that you have the desire to be better is enough.I mean,in the beginning it is
Most people , I would say 99.9% of people,are already numb
They are not even willing to acknowlege that they need help
In fact,they probably use different measures. Alcohol ,sometimes narcotics if you live in places like America
Or even if you have an addiction of some sort,
As long as you have this deep underlying desire to get better
That is a strong enough indication that you probably will get better.
you need to acknowledge yourself for that
you need to encourage yourself for that
Don't ever talk yourself out of getting help
Don't ever try to convince yourself that you don't deserve happiness
Because in fact you do
Everyone deserves to live the best life
Everyone deserves to feel like they are capable of whatever they want to achieve
Your situation is better than you think
I'm not saying that it's not hard
I'm saying that it's better than you think
Because your brain has this spotlight effect where it magnifies(放大) every problem possible
And ignores the good things in your life
No.2 get to know yourself and keep track of your thoughts
Before we get better ,we have to know where we're at
and sometimes people don't know themselves
And the best way to do it,by far,is to keep a dairy
This is what I had when I was going through a break up
In fact, it was the only thing I have
Because I didn't know how to open up to people
I had myself as my guidance
Write every single day, doesn't matter how much you write
The point is you start doing something to help yourself
You start noticing and identifying what it is you are thinking
In writing a dairy, you'll start notcing different patterns in your thoughts
you'll start to catch yourself when you start thinking negative thoughts
when you're writing your dairy ,don't try to be fancy, be completely and brutally honest with yourself
If you are petty(小气),if you are angry ,if you are envious
if you are jealous of that person
Just completely be honest on your paper
No one else will see it, you can be sure of that
If you don't feel confident about that, buy a safe.
keep your journal, keep your dairy inside the safe so that nobody can read it.
Once you are able to identify your, should I say,negative thought pattern
It is then ok to ask for help
Either go to a therapist(理疗师), or if you feel intimidated（胆怯）, go to a bookstore
Look for books, look fo a friend that has more experience than you do
Be ok with where you are at right now.
And at least have the desire to ask for help
NO.3 define success for yourself
I actually hate the word "success" itself, I would prefer the word value
Because success indicate a dichotomy(二分法) between success failure
you're either success or you are a failure
when , too often, you are in the middle
And success for everyone is different
For some, it means getting a job in a big corporation
For others,like myself, it means financial freedom, being able to work anytime anywhere.
Or you know , you want to be a teacher, you don't want to make that much money.
Or sometimes success just means being strong, you know, being Ok after a break up. Or major heartbreak or a major setback（挫折） in your life.
Or sometimes success is just a simple act of kindness. That to me, is success.
So in order to feel ok, in order to feel like you are progressing your life
you have to know where your destination is. Because that destination is different for everyone
It's perfectly ok to focus on what you are good at ,and ignore what you are not good at.
It's completely pointless and a waste of time to compare yourself with other people.
because you don't have the same goals. and you shouldn't try to copy others either.
Your biggest competition, believe or not ,is you
I know it sounds like cliche(陈词滥调), but it is true.
Because,sometimes your laziness, your procrastination(拖延), you know , all the bad habits, stand in your way.
More so than your competitors or so your think.
I also don't like the word "goals". because goals focus too much on the destination too.
too many times we say:oh I want to lise weight. I want to be able to speak English in a month.That's so much focus
on the goal, on the destination,on the result.
and not so much on the system, on the routine, on your day-to-day practice.
when we don't see progress on day one. It's very easy to get sidetracked（转移目标）, or frustrated.
so instead of focusing on the grandiose idea, this grandiose definition of success in the future.
try to focus on success tody.
No.4 start choosing
Believe or not ,too many options is not a good thing.
Because more often or not, it leads to inaction
Whoever said that the best thing to do is the right thing;
the next best thing to do is the wrong thing;
and the worst thing to do is not doing anything.
I think that says enough
It's actually better to do the wrong thing.
or at least do something than to do nothing at all.
You don't want to analyze and think too much because that's what you did before
You spend too much time thinking and so little time actually doing something.
Something happens when you start acting.
Little increments of progress start to show up. little opportunities start to come up because ,you know,opportunities often come in the disguise of work.
so when the intuition is there, when the impulse is there,
when sometimes you've been called to do something for free
take that opportunity, because doing something is better than doing nothing.
No.5 start with the little things.
Whoever said that if you want to change the world,start by making your bed.
This one is both literally correct and metaphorically correct.
It's literally correct because , too often ,we can't even get up on time, let alone make our beds.
so if you are in that mess mood, it's very less likely for you to get any major things done in your day.
and that , sets the tone for the whole day. whatever we do in life, whatever goals we want to set.
Don't try to get yourself hyped up for these big grandiose things. like "I got run 5k today". Start with walking ,start with getting outside.
start with waking up earlier.. If you wanne be a vlogger, start by recording yourself, that's what I did .I was so afraid to put myself out there.
For three years, I only recorded myself talk, I never released any videos.
And what's great about taking little actions and building little habits is that they often turn into big impact
Have you ever heard of phrase "compound effect" ?
Most of time your life is not defined by that big moment.
It's an accumulation of the small decisions you take over time, while compounded
so if you decide to work out the first thing in the morning, you will feel so good and so pround of yourself
Like you can do anything throughout the day. so that already puts you in a good mood and therefore puts you in a better position to succeed in your day
Compared to , if you were to wake up late, ashamed of yourself , you'd feel like you already lost the whole day.
No.6 embrace risks and failure.
Sometimes the safest thing to do is the risky thing to do.Because no one else will do it.
You know ,go the extra mile, it's not so crowded. Have you ever see an airport or a train station where everyone is trying to get on the escalater
while over here ,the stairs, nobody is on there. that's what you want to do.
It might seem harder? but you'll have a better time doing it.
I also like to invite you to get rejected proactively(主动). in fact ,before you try to get anything done ,get used to the habit of being rejected.
Because once you get over the fear of rejection , nothing will faze you. Everything becomes possible
Whoever said that, on the opposite of fear is everything you crave(渴望) for. whether it's a girl you want to ask out, or a job opportunity.
just ask ,you never know what will happen. and rejection won't kill you.
The thing is ,when we get rejected, we have this physiological reaction like Everything is coming to an end..
You literally feel like something is trying to kill you. you feel the pain physically ,but it is important for you to control your thoughts.
To know that this will pass.
This rejection is not physical pain, don't blow it up.don't magnify(放大) it.
NO.7 be grateful
when the going gets tough, it's very hard to be looking for things to be grateful for
when you are grateful, when you are in a good mood , you are more likely to do something that's hard
you are more likely to do something out of character
And if you talk about it from a practical standpoint. somebody else always has it worse than you. somebody else always don't have their four limbs(四肢) attached
I'm not saying that you should look down on other people.
I'm saying that you should appreciate what you have. And stop looking for what you don't have.
No.8 Just do it
I know it's a catchphrase, but it really is simple as that. and I should add ,just do it,don't over think it.
because sometimes you overthink a problem, that actually creates more stress.
Too many times, we've talked ourselves out of an opportunity. we underestimated our potiential. we overestimated the difficulty.
The less you think ,when the moments is right. When your intuition is calling out to you.
The better chance you got.
No.9 stop blaming others, and outside factors
Your parents fate doesn't define yours.
Your education doesn't define yours.
There's no one route to succeed.
As long as you take full advantage of what you're good at, of your time, of your desire to help people, your desire to get better..
Then be rest assured, you will create success. but it is your success ,not anyone else's
No.10 be aware and be select about your surroundings
I say surroundings in a physical and emotional way. so if you want to get better,if you want to get into the habbit of eating well and exercising.
Then I would suggest that you join a group of like-minded people, say a running group. I'm not saying that you should get away and detach from your family and your friends.,But , instead of focusing on them, maybe find new people to help you..to give you the support you need.
And I should also add that your physical environment, in terms of where you live, where you sleep,where you eat.
If that environment is messy and dirty, then ,your state of mind would likely be the same.
because your outside world reflects what's going on inside.
so you want to create a harmony between your physical environment and your mental environment.
No.11 redefine your self image
the first thing you got to do, is to guard your negative self talk
whatever it is you think, or whatever it is you say to yourself will become true.
And you really don't know that, your subconscious doesn't know if it is good for you or not.
so when you tell yourself you are smart.
You probably are smart.
when you tell yourself you are ugly, you probably will become ugly, or that you're fat.
I know it sounds like delusion, but when you tell yourself ,or at least when you don't acknowledge every negative thought.
It's actually easier to change for the better. because you are priming your brain..
Think about it,we have 60,000-80,000 thoughts a day. most of them you don't realize because they are in your subconscious..
So if you want to become a better person.
you gotta start treating yourself as a better person.
You know, treat yourself as a friend.
you probably won't say half the things you say to yourself to yourfriend.,because they're mean. and you don't give yourself the benifit of doubt.
Like, why would you treat your friend and family better than you treat yourself when this is all you got?
Stop labeling yourself with all these labels, like you are not smart enough, or you are an introvert, you are an extrovert. you are not confident enough.
These ideas are just suggestions.
whoever it is that told you that, they don't know any better. sometimes it's your friends, sometimes it's your family members, sometimes it's your teachers. I mean who are they to judge you? It's not like they are all successful millionaires, right?
No.12 take ownership of your life.
Too many times because we are young, or because we are scared. because we really don't have that much self-esteem.
we let other people decide for us. believe or not ,your parents don't know everything , and most of time you know when they are wrong.
Most of time you know when your boyfriend ,or your girlfriend, or your friend doesn't have the best interest in mind.
so to take ownership of your life means to be responsible for your own life. To stop blaming your mistakes on other people.
To at least be able to say, yes , I made that mistake. It was all my mistake. It also means to stop making other people's mistakes
I'm not asking you to rebel against your parents.
I am however asking you to consider how long your life is.
You are the only person to take care of yourself.
So when you're sure about something. when your parents tell you to get this job, when your parents tell you , you should marry this person.
be Courageous, be brave enough to say no.
Don't be rude, but be affirmative
Don't compromise your values.