哈佛大学幸福公开课笔记(六)

1. Situation and Priming 环境和影射

环境的作用在上一节课已经讲过了。

影射:

It can be done in the conscious and subconscious level. It means planting a seed, planting a belief, planting a word, or a picture in our mind, consciously or subconsciously and how that actually influence our behaviour.

影射可以发生在意识和潜意识层面,是指在我们的头脑里有意识或者无意识地播种一种信念,一个词,一幅画,它们都会影响我们的行为。

Soccer hooligan, secretary, professor

Tal提到了一个实验。实验对象分别被要求描述足球流氓,秘书和教授的特征,然后进行和academic有关的测试,结果发现得分最低的是描述足球流氓的,得分最高的是描述教授的。(对此实验得出的结论我持保留态度,因为Tal没有介绍实验对象的教育程度等等背景。)

有一些影射的方法我们可以用在生活中来提高自己的幸福水平:

1) Have pictures of people you love or places you love

Even if you do not see them, you see them. So on the subconscious level it’s still there. 

在办公室,家里摆上家人朋友的照片。即使你没有刻意去看这些照片,潜意识里他们都在。

2) Have pleasant object, whether it’s memorabilia, favourite art

摆放喜爱的物件,纪念品,喜欢的艺术品

Create the environment where you feel warm, where it’s fun for you to be there.

把环境布置得让自己觉得温暖,觉得有趣。

3) Quotes

喜欢的名言

4) Favourite book, listen to music carefully, film that inspires you.

读喜欢的书,仔细聆听喜欢的音乐,看有启发的电影。

2. The limitation of belief 信念的局限性 

It draws on the real truth and then blows it out of proportion.

There are some truth in fact that our mind creates reality, but that’s only part of the truth.

We create reality or rather we co-create reality. There has to be something out there or in there.

我们的思想创造现实这个观点有其正确性,但只是部分正确。除了思想,我们还需要其他很多东西。

For example, when it comes to The Secret, if you believe that you are likely to succeed, you are much more likely to be succeed, but that has to come with a lot of hard work and persistence, it has to come with a lot of failure, and learning from that failure.

比如,《秘密》这本书(当年好火啊),如果你相信你会成功,你就会更有可能成功,但是这一定伴随着大量的辛苦努力和坚韧不拔,一定伴随着大量的失败以及从失败中学习。

So it’s half of the equation and what these self-help books and messages do is over promise and under-deliver, which at times can be destructive.

It’s in the long term for frustration, for guilt and for unhappiness, and also for unsuccess.

所以这些自助书籍只是等式的一半,它们所传递出的信息有些不切实际,有可能会带来破坏性的结果。从长远来看,会导致挫败,内疚,不幸福和不成功。

3. Two mechanisms 两种机制

1) Motivation: I believe I can do it well 动机:我可以做好

2) Consistency / Congruence 一致性/相合性

Mental schema of the world - What’s inside and what’s outside

对世界的心理基模:内心世界是什么,外部真实世界是什么

The mind doesn’t like it when there is discrepancy between what is inside and what is outside. We do everything we can to get the two on par again. Either changing the external reality or by changing our mind to match the external reality. We don’t like it when there is inconsistency.

我们的大脑不喜欢内在世界和外在世界有不一致,我们总是尽可能让两者一致。或者改变外部事实,或者改变我们的思想来吻合外部世界。

a. Update schema 更新基模(调整自己的想法)

b. Ignore or discard external information 忽视外部信息(无视真实情况)

c. Actively seek confirmation 寻找证据支持自己的想法

比如在大选年,你不喜欢某个候选人(心理基模),所以会找各种证据证明自己不喜欢这个候选人是正确的。

d. Creating a new reality 创造一个新的现实

Roger Bannister - 打破了4分钟的跑步记录以后,创造了新的现实,后来者突破了这个心理壁垒,从此不断创造新的记录。

4. Two Interpretations 两种解读

1) Objective 客观解读

2) Subjective interpretation based on my belief 根据自己的信念进行主观解读

5000 failed experiment, Edison – another stepping stone towards success

爱迪生失败了5000次 —— 我找到了5000种行不通的方法,这些都是通向成功的垫脚石。

The most successful people in history are also very often the people who had failed the most times.

历史上最成功的人往往是失败最多的人。

Pessimism: when it comes to goal setting, pessimists are realistic in terms of their short term goals, as well as in terms of their long term goals. 

悲观主义者在设立目标的时候,对短期目标和长期目标的设立都比较实际。

Low expectations – low levels of beliefs, they don’t think they would do well, low levels of motivation, their mind looks for consistency and their performance is usually according to their beliefs and expectations. And the interpretation is, I told you so. 

Success – it was lucky, won’t happen again.

悲观主义者的期待值很低,他们的信念很低,他们不认为自己能做好,做事的动机也弱,回到上面讲的两种机制,这时他们的大脑在寻找基模和事实的一致性,所以他们的表现通常取决于他们的信念和期待。如果失败了,他们会说:我早就知道会这样。如果成功了,他们会说:这次只是运气好,下次就没这么好运了。

Optimist: unrealistic when it comes to their short term goals, but are realistic when it comes to their long term goals. If there is low level of performance, their subjective interpretation is: What if I learn from it? This is an opportunity, I actually got better this time. What if I learn?

乐观主义者在设立短期目标的时候往往不实际,在设立长期目标的时候比较实际。和悲观主义者相反,他们认为自己能做好,动机很强,这时他们的大脑在寻找基模和事实的一致性,但是如果表现不佳,他们会积极反思自己能学到什么,主动调整目标,建立一致性,所以在建立长期目标的时候他们会更实际。

It’s about how we interpret events. For example, how do I interpret my failure? As the end of the story, catastrophe, give it up? Or as an opportunity for success?

乐观和悲观就是我们怎么解读事实。比如,如何解读失败,是世界末日,大灾难,放弃还是通向成功的机会?

A lot of research in this area showing how learning to interpret events subjectively as optimists lead to much higher success. Also, it is associated with social and physical mental health. Our immune system, psychological and physical immune system is actually stronger as a result of being optimists.

很多研究都表明学习像乐观主义者那样主观解读事件会带来成功和社交以及心理健康。我们的身体和精神免疫系统也会因为乐观主义而更强大。

People who are taught optimistic interpretation style become happier, those who learn it are eight times less likely to experience depression if you simply learn a different interpretation style. People who learn to interpret things more positively actually live longer.

有实验表明,学会积极解读事件的人更幸福,比其他人得抑郁症得可能性降低八倍,也更长寿。

5. Survivors traits 幸存者特质

1) Beliefs 信念

2) Realistic beliefs and evaluation of the situation 现实得信念和对实际情况的实际评估

Know that you have to deal with reality and that it’s tough.

明白自己要面对艰苦的现实。

在越战中幸存下来的战俘不是那些盲目乐观的人,而是有信念但认清现实的人。

Realistic optimism 现实的乐观主义

6. Secret to success 成功的秘密

Optimism, passion and hard work

成功的三个秘密:乐观,热情和努力

Does luck play a role? Absolutely.

运气有用吗?当然。

Jefferson, “I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the luckier I get.”

越努力,越幸运。

7. 期待值

Tal在前面的课讲过,正确的做法不是降低期待值,而是有正确的期待。

People believe that high expectations lead to disappointment.

大多数人相信高期待值会带来失望。

但其实像Tal在前面的课说的一样,每一个人都有一个幸福基准值,不管发生什么事件,人都会在一定事件内回归到自己的基准值。所以问题在于,如何提高自己的幸福基准值?Tal说后面的课会展开讨论。

8. To raise self-esteem 提高自尊水平

To cope as opposed to avoid. 

去面对和处理而不是逃避。

To cope meaning to put yourself along the line, to take risk not when you are in your panic zone but when you are in your stretch zone.

去面对和处理是说把自己放在危险线上,在自己的伸展区域冒险而不是在自己的恐慌区域冒险。

To risk failure, to handle things, to deal with things, to confront things that are important to you.

去冒失败的险,去处理问题,去面对对自己来说重要的事情。

There are still ups and downs, like human, but the base level increases.

这样做的人也和所有人一样会经历人生和情绪的起伏,但他们的幸福基准水平会上升。上升的原因:

Self perception theory 自我知觉理论

We derive conclusion about ourselves in the same way we derive conclusion about others.

我们如何对别人得出结论就会如何对自己做出结论。

When we fail after coping we realize that the actual pain that comes with failure is far less than the pain we imagine and that we associate with failure.

当我们失败但是处理了失败,我们会意识到失败带来的实际痛苦远小于我们想象的和失败联系在一起的痛苦。

Oh, I just got over it. Okay, so I didn’t do well in here. I become more confident. I can handle it. I am actually more resilient than I thought I was. And my self-esteem increases. My happiness as a result increases too.

我克服了困难,我上次没做好,但是我更有自信了,我可以处理失败,我比自己想象的更有韧性,我的自尊因此提高了,我的幸福基准水平也提高了。

Learn to fail or fail to learn.

学习失败或者在失败中学习。

24/7/2018

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