Session 1: Resolving Conflict from Within
Overcoming Chaos 01-20180614
Today we are gonna talk about conflict, wheather it's conflict with another person,which happens periodically;
or whether it's a situation in our lives,or it could be internal conflict, things that are just going on in our lives.
So Depark and I are gonna discuss this and why conflict arises and the different types of conflict we're faced with and what we can do to alleviate these because the effects, of course,can have very dramatic and negative aspects of our lives.
We're gonna share some key steps to resolve conflicts throgh meditation,plus we have a free gift for you,a guided meditation from Deepark about forgiveness and also a workbook to help you identify which areas of your life to focus on to find peace and happiness within your heart.
1.Why internal conflict arises?
(1)What is conflict?
Conflict is basiclly the essential ingredient in all suffering. It is conflict with your own self usually.
(2)Why we get into conflict both externally and internally?
We have the divine and the diabolical both in us. We have the light and the shadow both within us.
It also comes from the feeling of separation. You feel isolated,lonely.
BUt when we transcend through meditation,the this opposition goes away. Because in meditation we go to the source of thought where there is no conflict whatsoever.
So I would say meditation is a very key way to resolve your inner cnflict.
(3)What impact does conflict have on our health&happiness & well-being?
It is now also well researched that loneliness and suffering are a frequent cause of inflammation in our body as well.
2.Crucial questions to ask yourself when confronted with conflict
Anytime you are feeling conflict, you should actually ask yourself:
(1) What am I observing,non-judgementally?
(2) What am I feeling?
(Because you are feeling some sense of insecurity when you have your own conflict.)
(3) What do I need?
And when you ask yourself that question, automatically you'll find out,just by asking a question, you may be feeling insecure or unsafe or unloved,not getting attention,affection,apprieciation,acceptance. Or you have a desire that's being impeded for whatever reason.
You're usually blaming others for that.
You're not in touch with your deep self(which is the source of intuition or creativity) and Forget about higher cnsciousness.
All of that is basically within you.
So when you ask yourself:
What am I observing?
What am I feeling?
What's the need?
Then you ask yourself another question:
What's the best way to fulfill this need?
Because the anser is there,within you.
3.7 key steps to resolve conflict with others
And when you have comflict with others, there are certain rules that you can follow.
(1) Ask the same questions:
What am I feeling?
Then we ask of another person:
What are you observing?
What are you feeling?
What do you need?
How can I help you fulfill this need?
This is called Non-Violent or Conscious Communication.
(2)Treat them with respect even though there is conflict.
Because if you don't, you lose them in the first step.
So even your adversaries,talk to them with respect.
(3)Recognize that there's the perception of injustice on both sides,otherwise there wouldn't be a conflict. So try to understand the other person's point of view,and learn to forgive both yourself and the other.
Don't be afraid of asking for forgiveness.
And don't be afraid of giving forgiveness.
EVen though you feel it's unjustified.
Because you gorgive not because the other person deserves forgiveness,you forgive because you deserve peace.
(4)Try not to prove another person wrong or lose their face.
Because if you do, you lose them right away. They'll never forgive you if you make them lose face.
(5)Refrain from ideological or political discussions.
My religion is better than yours,or my ideology, communism is better……
(6)Recognize that there's fear on both sides, face the fear and talk about it.
When you do these simple things,you refrain from belligerent.
You use emotional intelligence,which means you get in touch with your emotions, you empathize,you get in touch with the other person's emotions, and you automatically move from empathy to conpassion to love.
(7)Try to understand other people's values.
Because when you do, when you ask them:What is sacred to you?
And you share your values with them,conflict resolves.
4.Why meditation significantly reduces the negative effects of conflict
Meditation helps you slowly become a witness of your thoughts, your behavior and your actions.And then again, this is very high form of intelligence,to observe yourself without judging yourself.
Slowly,your whole conflict, inner conflict resoves.
Meditation takes us momentarially beyond your own internal conflict.
So that we can see that there's something else other than the conflict.
Because most people,their life is just the conflict.They identify with the conflict.
Meditation gives us a glimpse of something beyond the conflict.