2021-09-29

I feel that I should really give up my daughter, otherwise my distress will only increase and my health would only deteriorate. That's why my parents ask me to take care of myself. When I was in Keqiao, I didn't have such problem, so my health was generally better. In order to continue the way, I think I should really take this measure. It's more like the message for my daughter. To live a life which is effortless. To live like an animal and with feces all around in the house. I really admire that woman's life.

In a mountainous area where I live a quiet life, where I don't have to care about so many things. I give up all the knowledge and live in peace. Constant way is sleeping all the time without thinking much. And eating sweet without eating bitter. Give up my daughter in order to save my own life. Life is in a mess, but the mess is what I need. I shall not tell my daughter this, otherwise it may be ineffective. I shall reduce talking as talking is tiresome.

The old master means to be effortless like my daughter. To be natural to be weak, to be shrinking. To be lazy. Like the way I write diaries because I don't require hard on myself. So I can have this persistence easily.

The master means I live like the woman who keeps feces in the house. He means I don't care about my daughter at all. And I don't benefit myself at all both in body and eyesight. He means I live like the way I write diaries. He means I continue to live in this house no matter what and remain to be single. He means I get prepared for the coming challenges. He means I live naturally like my daughter.

The old master means orderless life. Life, which is in order is problem in hidden. The master beliefs that life in disorder is actually order. For example, shaking my beard, the master believes it's unnecessary, but my parents forcefully request me to do so. So according to the master, I just do it from time to time. The master said that the true generosity has no angles- in order to be like this, unless I live like an animal. If people beat me or threaten me, I just shrink? That's not what the master means. Master means necessary confrontation with his words. Master means don't undermine other people's lives and don't let others undermine my life. Master means always give in when people attack me, I lose face but I gain the way. Master means to be loyal for my side. And to be contented, as he believes life will always be the same. The master doesn't talk much. He quietly observes. If other people attack me, I must have necessary confrontation with his words, but I'm prepared to give in. I don't want confrontation. I only want a peaceful life. The way is my friend, not my enemy. I no longer want to care for my daughter. I also don't take care of myself. Some words I just cannot speak them out.

Reduce and reduce, then the way is there.