Paper Towns。
最初淘到这本书,是被它的名字所吸引,纸镇?不知为何,就联想到了《小镇畸人》(虽然这本书我没看过)。买来搁置了几年之后,终于开始翻开来阅读。John Green似乎特别擅长于写青少年小说,The Fault in Our Stars, Paper Towns, 当然还有其他的作品。
小说的故事主线很明显:
男主人公Quentin在临近高中毕业之际,被迫参与了女主人公Margo尽心策划的夜晚报复计划,这个计划共有十一个部分,包括抓包Margo的前男友Jase、戏弄Chuck(剃掉他一边的眉毛)、登上SunTrust Building、夜闯SeaWorld等,这些事情对于Quentin来说,绝对是一个人时不会做的,他是一个比较守规矩的好学生,开学即将进入一所不错的大学学习。但对于Margo,他又怀着一种近乎崇拜的喜爱, “she was the only legend who lived next door to me.” 在他看来,Margo热情、奔放,勇敢,人际关系广泛,代表了很多他所不具有的品质。实施夜晚报复计划时,虽然Quentin对于有些计划有顾虑和犹豫,但还是尽职尽责地充当着Margo的driver和companion,而事实证明,这个晚上的经历("right a lot of wrongs; wrong some rights; the first shall be last; the last shall be first; the meek shall do some earth-inheriting.")确实成了他难忘的回忆。
Quentin希望能够和Margo的关系更进一步,但这个晚上之后,Margo就神秘的失踪了,差不多一个月都没有再出现,这让Quentin非常地担心和焦虑。这期间,他发现了Margo留下来的一些线索,包括Whitman的诗集Leaves of Grass,诗歌“Song of Myself”,地图,在Omnictionary上的留言等,于是一步一步的寻找探索。在Quentin和其他三位好朋友Ben,Radar,Lacey的共同努力下,他们最终在Agloe这个地方找到了Margo。但与他们期望的相反,Margo并没有表现出惊喜或开心,反而有些生气,说她并不想被找到,这让Quentin的三个朋友有些生气,于是转身出去,留下Quentin和Margo独处。这个过程中,Margo态度逐渐缓和,向Quentin说出了事情的前因后果,他们俩也认真的讨论了一直困扰他们的话题。最后的结局算是个开放式的结局,当Quentin以为Margo要上车离开的时候,Margo转身回头,俩人在黑暗中相拥。Margo到底是离开了还是留下了,这就留给读者去猜测了吧。
何为“纸镇”?
小说中第一次出现“paper towns”的说法,是在Margo和Quentin登上the SunTrust Building之后,俩人在大楼的顶端俯瞰着整个Orlando城市。然后Margo说:
“Here’s what’s not beautiful about it: from here, you can’t see the rust or the cracked paint or whatever, but you can tell what the place really is. You see how fake it all is. It’s not even hard enough to be made out of plastic. It’s a paper town. I mean look at it, Q: look at all those cul-de-sacs, those streets that turn in on themselves, all the houses that were built to fall apart. All those paper people living in their paper houses, burning the future to stay warm. All the paper kids drinking beer some bum bought for them at the paper convenience store. Everyone demented with the mania of owning things. All the things paper-thin and paper-frail. And all the people, too.”
第二次出现是在Quentin和朋友们根据线索寻找Margo的过程中。Quentin在他卧室门上发现了张小纸条,上面写着“8328 bartlesville Avenue”,当他们来到这个地方探寻时,发现了Margo留在墙上的字迹:
YOU WILL GO TO THE PAPER TOWNS
AND YOU WILL NEVER COME BACK
在这之后,Quentin就一直在思考paper towns到底指的是什么地方,经过了很多的猜测和实际探查,也排除了很多地方,直到毕业典礼那天的早上,他在Omnictionary上查阅信息,发现了这样一个词条:
Agloe, New York, is a fictitious village created by the Esso company in the early 1930s and inserted into tourist maps as a copyright trap, or paper town.
点开词条后,Quentin了解到,Agloe这个地方是两位制图师Otto G. Lindberg和Ernest Alpers在制作地图时虚拟出来的一个地方,目的是为了给自己的地图留下一个特殊的标记,以此来预防和发现剽窃或盗版的地图;但是后来真的有人(an unknown resident)找到了地图上所标的地方,在那里修建了一个商店(The Agloe General Store)。所以,这个商店就是Agloe所拥有的唯一一个建筑物,而这个地方的居住人口则为零。
当翻到这则页面后面的评论时,Quentin激动了,因为有一个匿名的用户这样评论道:
fyi, whoever Edits this---the Population of agloe Will actually be One until may 29th at Noon.
根据这句话中,杂乱无章大小写的风格,Quentin推测出,这应该是Margo的留言,也就是说,直到5月29号中午,她都待在Agloe这个地方!但是到了5月29号的中午,她就又要离开了!所以,Quentin和他的三个朋友缺席了毕业典礼,匆匆踏上了前往Agloe的旅途,终于在这个地方找到了Margo。
找到Margo之后,他们俩之间的对话,进一步揭示了paper towns的意义。一直以为,Margo把Orlando说成是paper town,把镇上的居民说成是paper people,表现出了她对这个城镇的不满和批判,但实际上她是在批判她自己,是对自己不满,是想通过逃离来寻找到真正的自我。当Quentin问她为什么选择来到Agloe这个地方时,她说:
“A paper town for a paper girl,”
“...The truth is that whenever I went up to the top of the SunTrust Building---including that last time with you---I didn’t really look down and think about how everything was made of paper. I looked down and thought about how I was made of paper. I was the flimsy-foldable person, not everyone else. And here’s the thing about it. People love the idea of a paper girl. They always have. And the worst thing is that I loved it, too.”
“Because it’s kind of great, being an idea that everybody likes. But I could never be the idea to myself, not all the way. And Agloe is a place where a paper creation became real. A dot on the map became a real place, more real than the people who created the dot could ever have imagined. I thought maybe the paper cutout of a girl could start becoming real here also. ...”
Agloe,一个原本只存在于地图上的虚构的地方,变成了实际生活中真实存在的地方,似乎一个二维的、扁平的存在变成了一个三维的、立体的存在;它不再是一个幻想出来的事物,不再依靠其他人的意志而存在;它自己就是一个事实,不可否认的事实,有自己的形态,有自己的领地,有自己的建筑;它变得真实了。正是这一点吸引了Margo。生活在Orlando的Margo,得不到父母足够的关爱,以至于她每一次的出走都让别人以为她是为了引起关注而故意为之;在同学看来,她热情、大方、有魅力,从来不缺朋友。但这些都是别人眼中的Margo,是别人给她的定义,是别人给她描画出来的轮廓,这让她觉得,她就是一个paper girl,一个二维的、画笔掌握在别人手中的paper girl。所以,她要逃离,她要来到一个能够让二维变成三维的地方,能够赋予paper以血肉的地方。
她要找到自我的真实身份。
寻找Margo之旅:
如果说,Margo所踏上的是一场寻找自我的旅程,那么以Quentin为代表的小伙伴们所踏上的则是一场在寻找别人的过程中认识别人也认识自我的旅程。
在这些人中,最担心Margo的就数Quentin了。从小与Margo一起长大,他对她可以说怀着一种崇拜,当看到Margo被众人环绕、谈笑风生时,这种感情就更强烈了。他自认为很了解她,但是在寻找Margo、层层揭开线索的过程中,他却困惑了。当确定Margo曾经待在一个废弃的minimall、独自生活了两天时,他一时之间难以接受,“This image seemed too sad to be true”,“so lonely and so very unMargo”。
他思考:
“I knew how she smelled, and I knew how she acted in front of me, and I knew how she acted in front of others, and I knew that she liked Mountain Dew and adventure and dramatic gestures, and I knew that she was funny and smart and just generally more than the rest of us. But I didn’t know what brought her here, or what kept her here, or what made her leave. ...”
他困惑:
“I was bored, so it again confused me that she would pick this place, since Margo always struck me as a person with a very limited tolerance for boredom.”
他问自己:
“the most important question was who I was looking for.”“Who is Margo Roth Spiegelman?”
提出这个问题时,就意味着Quentin已经戳破了他人所呈现出来的表层面纱,开始探寻面纱背后的真相(true self)。他所寻找的不仅仅是Margo,而更是一个有自我意识的真实个体,是所有其他人的本真。他不再把其他人看做是符号般的、二维的存在,而开始把他们视为“real person[s]”。也就是说,他和Margo一样,完成了对“paper towns”的认知。
美国诗人沃尔特∙惠特曼的《草叶集》(Leaves of Grass)是贯穿这篇小说的一个线索,其中的《自我之歌》(Song of Myself)Quentin反复读了很多遍,因为里面有Margo画出来的标记,他想通过阅读这首诗歌去了解Margo。但有一处他却是始终都没有理解。惠特曼说,到一定程度后,他便不需要通过听和问去了解别人了,因为他自己就成了别人——“I do not ask the wounded person how he feels. ... I myself become the wounded person”。看到这,Quentin想:“To find Margo Roth Spiegelman, you must become Margo Roth Spiegelman.”但是他又觉得:“I had seen. I had listened. But I could not yet become the wounded person.”事实上,直到最后,当他找到Margo的时候,他终于确定的知道:“I understand now that I can’t be her and she can’t be me.”
他终究成不了Margo;Margo也成不了他。
他们是不同的个体,有不同的思想,有不同的路要走。
这是Quentin对自我认知的深化,他在寻找Margo的过程中也找到了自己。
或许,这里也体现出了作者John Green对于惠特曼《自我之歌》的思考,对“自我”的思考。