2022-10-22 周六 北京 晴天
恐惧实验室#第9次会议 谢谢迷楼、小阳等伙伴的支持。
复盘没有来得及。。。
早上7点想听一下TED脆弱的力量 by Brené Brown，想着一边等大家陆续进来。
这个演讲实在太赞，谢谢Hong姐推荐，把《脆弱的力量》列入待读书单。
Brene是一个social work researcher (Ph.D. ), 演讲一开始用身份定义自己的人设：a researcher-storyteller.
不安全感会冒出来the academic, insecure part of me
丰富的内心戏： "Why not 'magic pixie'?" 魔法小精灵
I tried to call deep on my courage. （召唤勇气）
maybe故事即有灵魂的数据stories are just data with a soul.
教授说，如果一件事物不能被测量，那它就不存在。
"if you cannot measure it, it does not exist."
就像老子探讨的：有形和无形。。
"life's messy, love it."
And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box."
生活就如创作，你要怎么创造你的电影，你的故事。
It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. （about love and work and parent.）
关键词：
connection 连接
expanding perception 扩展知觉/感知力
belonging归属感
human empathy 同情
shame and fear 尴尬和恐惧
常见的社会问题：social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect
It's universal; we all have it.
这是宇宙级（的课题），我们都有。
「我不够好」
What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which, we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability.
This idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. 允许我们被看见，真的的被看见。
a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging -- and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.
价值感强的人会有很强的爱和归属感，反之价值感低的人总会觉得自己不够好。
What's the theme?
What's the pattern?
"whole-hearted."
courage bravery
compassion
embraced vulnerability
gratitude
勇气是什么？是心，是关于你是谁和你全部的心的故事。勇气是一种不完美。
Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word "cor," meaning "heart" -- and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.
拥抱脆弱，脆弱让人变得美好。
The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.
I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.
奔溃（痛苦 通往）--精神的觉醒
与心理治疗师的第一次见面
"Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?"
And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help."
没有原生家庭，没有童年创伤。。我只是需要一些方法/建议。
And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit."
"I just need some strategies."
is it bad?
she said, "It's neither good nor bad."
"It just is what it is." 如其所是。
Why do we struggle with it so much?
Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No.
14:23
So this is what I learned.
We numb vulnerability. 我们麻木
So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then, we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable...
The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain.We perfect. 我们使其完美
And we perfect, most dangerously, our children.
正确的养育："You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That's our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems, that we see today.We pretend 我们假装
that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives. We do that corporate -- whether it's a bailout, an oil spill ... a recall.
We pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people.
We just need you to be authentic and real and say ... "We're sorry. We'll fix it."
结论❤️：
- 展露我们的脆弱--脆弱也是一种强大的力量，当ta被看见
- 全心全意地爱
- 感恩的心
- 享受愉悦
- 最重要的一点：我足够好 我很好。
This is what I have found:
To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen ...
to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult --
to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering
"Can I love you this much?
Can I believe in this passionately?
Can I be this fierce about this?"
just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."
我如此的感激，我感觉到脆弱正意味着我活着。
And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough.
Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough" ... then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.
善待身边的人，善待自己。
--
诺友@欧阳：不管什么时候，只要是觉醒的状态，内在的力量就会被唤醒。
每个人都会有一些经历，也会有一些故事，这些都会为我们的生命注入能量
感恩宇宙！