吕文新：爸爸常说：“贫贱之知不可忘，糟糠之妻不下堂”。
我们好像进入了一个以原配换年轻小老婆的“小”时代。有些男性会往好处想––被老伴骂了半辈子，终于有个女人崇拜我了；而更多女性则会往坏处想––都熬到35岁了，还得出门和老得耳朵都长出了毛的男人约会(译注：男性上年纪后，耳毛与鼻毛长得比头发快)。我们该如何应对这种趋势呢？
不为所动！这就是我们的回答。千万不能忘记与年龄相仿的人结婚的好处，那可能是你做过的最好的选择。下面就列出八条不与小你一二十岁的女人结婚的理由：
1. 精力相当
说真的，一个活力四射的年轻(或比你年轻)女孩的精力，怎么可能与一个绝不会半夜两点泡夜店的老男人相比？更何况，这个老男人不想尝一口“连环炮”(译注：一种调酒师表演性调制的含咖啡因的鸡尾酒)，也不想随着德雷克(译注：八〇后的加拿大说唱歌手)的节拍起舞。年轻人不会错过任何一场狂欢的机会，你的那把老身子骨能经得起折腾吗？
2. 与成年人交朋友，最好与你一样老成
如果你与她年龄相差太多，当你不得不参加她的闺蜜聚会时，你会发现她们一晚上不停地“哇噻”，而当你提到德比(译注：美国六七十年代著名金发女歌手)时，她们认为她已经老掉牙了。还有，与你同样老成的人一起生活，你不用担心对方没吃过柑橘酱(译注：略带苦涩，不适合于喜欢甜食的年轻人)，或没买过报纸，––嗯， 肯定用过剃刀(译注：年轻女性用脱毛膏去体毛)。
3. 你的孩子会怎么想
显然，你的孩子们不愿意想像你“一树梨花压海棠”的样子。如果你“执子之手，与子偕老”，你的孩子们就用不着想那么多。
4. 经历相同
如果她没用过胶皮软管洗过头(译注：指不锈钢淋蓬头普及之前)，没听过《爆破彗星》(译注：七十年代街机上的一款游戏)，没看过考琳丝的广告，没追过苏珊的肥皂剧(译注：这两位都是英国六七十年代著名影星)，还没在飞机上抽过烟(译注：七八十年代，飞机上允许抽烟)——没法儿过了。
5. 琴瑟和谐
这点很重要，非常重要。如果你俩早晨三点钟就醒了，你们可能会放一张《淘金热过后》(译注：七八十年代美国民谣摇滚)的老唱片。若此时你的枕边人问你“《哈利路亚》(译注：八十年代美国民谣摇滚)不是由芭克(译注：八〇后的明星)首唱的吗”？你不觉得很刺耳吗？
6. 对什么都看不惯，还谁都不惯着
或许你认为，正是因为你这样的脾气，才吸引了那个年轻的姑娘。现在的年轻人都不再愤世嫉俗了。如果你自己的孩子这样与世无争，那没什么不好的。但是，如果你的另一半不停地说要给科尔宾(译注：现任英国工党领袖，老年选民要把他选掉)个机会，或者在睡觉时，一定要在枕头下面放块水晶，还认为定期洗肠有益健康(译注：这两种都是在西方年轻人中间流传的迷信)，你还惯着她吗？
7. 性有灵犀一点通
你说：“啊，不，等一下，你瞧，我一屁股把我的老花镜给坐坏了”，或者说：“我躺在脚指甲刀上了”，又或者说：“我正忙着在eBay(译注：国外拍卖网站)上抢一个乒乓球台呢！”––总之，你的回答越是不着边迹，越是正中你另一半的下怀，暗想：“瞧你那没了贼的熊样，我还是接着看我的《周刊》(译注：英国杂志)吧，反正我也没了贼心了”。
8. “我说：世界这么大，我要去看看”
你们俩在同一个年龄段，当然已经经历了同样的事。这并不是说你们不想再去尝试新事物，只是说许多所谓的“尝试”，对你们来讲，没什么新鲜的。你们知道在公众假期外出去野营，就有如进了地狱；你们已经看过了太多的惊悚片，现在号称最恐怖的《消失的爱人》(译注：美国2014惊悚片)不会与你们年轻时看过的有什么不同。你们曾经起大早去看猫头鹰，和牛仔们交朋友，南下过101公路(译注：美国西岸的南北向公路)。那你为什么还想要“重受二遍苦，重遭二茬罪”呢？只是因为你新娶的小老婆想要补上她缺的30年的课吗？
少年夫妻老来伴，挺！
敬请关注我的《》专题《生于六十年代》
8 good reasons why no oneshould trade in their partner for a younger model
Apparently, we are into the season of trading in the old wife for the muchyounger model. There will be some men considering the pros of a younger partner(someone to Worship Me after years of being treated like the house simpleton);and a lot of women contemplating the cons (having to leave your home of 35years and start dating men with ear hair). What can you do?
Fight back is what! Remind ourselves of the positives of same-age marriage.Put together a list of all the reasons why being with someone who isn’t adecade or two younger is the best possible idea all round.
Compatible energy levels
Seriously, what is the bounce and glitter of youth (or relative youth)compared with someone who definitely does not want to go on to a club at 2am,who has no interest in Jägerbombs, and no desire to dance to Drake. Youngerpeople set their alarms to go to raves: isn’t that the marital equivalent ofwaterboarding?
Having grown-up friends, or as grownup as you are
Outside a same-age marriage, you could find yourself spending the eveningswith people who use the word “awesome” and think of Debbie Harry as really old.Same-age marriage means not having to hang out with people who never eatmarmalade or buy a newspaper – or shave.
Consideration for your children
Obviously. Children do not want to think of their parents having sex and ifyou stick to your age group they’ll never have to.
Shared experience
The opposite of that is someone who has never smoked on an aeroplane, orwashed their hair with one of those hoses you attach to the taps; who has noclue what Asteroids was, or a Joan Collins Cinzano ad, or who Susan Penhaligonis… Horrible.
Musical harmony
This is a big one. Huge, if your scratched copy ofAfter the Goldrushis still the album you are both most likely toput on at 3am. Can there be anything more nails-on-blackboard than someone whothinks Alexandra Burke was the first person to singHallelujah?
Being extremely critical of everything, and being very comfortable with that
Perhaps you’re thinking: “Ah, but that’s precisely the attraction of ayounger person: they are not cynical. ” Well, yes, if they’re your children.But your other half, banging on about giving Jeremy Corbyn a chance, or theimportance of sleeping with a crystal under your pillow, or the advantages ofcolonic irrigation? Don’t think so.
Sex: being on the same page
You can say: “No look, hang on, I’m lying on my specs/toenail clippers/buying a ping pong table on eBay”, and it’s absolutely fine because they GetIt, and they were probably looking for an excuse to keep readingThe Week.
The I-know-what-I-like phase
You’re both past all the same stuff at the same stage. It’s not that you areno longer open to new experience, just that a lot of experiences are not new toyou. You know that camping at festivals is hell. You have tried thrillers (no,Gone Girl is not going to be any different). You have risen at dawn to see theBuriburi bird, and hung out with rodeo cowboys and driven down route 101.What’s the point if you have to do all that stuff all over again because yourpartner has 30 years of catching up to do?
Same-age couples rock.
吕文新
二〇一七年三月
译于新西兰奥克兰