贱行贱远

I don't know how could I let things get to me so bad.The only thing I can figure out is that, I drove it in a mess.
I had a bad day today, like every yesterday.
I call it life, to make me only alive. As time goes on, I am going far far away from happiness, and the one myself should be. When the darkness has fallen down, I couldn't help to cry my eyes out.

I had a home, as I always have. I keep trying to maintain it like a home, but I fail and fail again and again. I wanna be the best me I wanna be. I want my family to see me as a family.

我不知道为什么这样，身边的以前总是会一团糟，无论在哪里。我惟一知道的事情是，这都是因我而造成的。
又过了糟糕的一天，像以往糟糕的每一天。
我把这叫做生活，我狗眼残喘着。随着时间的推移，一天天地远离幸福，也远离我自己。当夜幕降临，我总是忍不住想流下眼泪。

我在的地方我都会当成家，我努力去维护它，像是一个家一样，却总是不断的失败、再失败。我想把我该做的事情做好，我想让每一个成员把我融入家庭。

I devote nothing but sorrow, to ones I care. Even there must be something I can do, I don't know what. Within social society, without social skills, totally. Left home, I have got barely nothing, and I worth nothing. That's why no one cares about, what I am feeling about.
I don't talk around, and what I talk about attracts no one.
I don't pretend, I don't wanna disguise. The truth is that the true one make no sense, for everyone around.
I do wanna show around, no show off, to let all know how the bad things indeed better.
I do wanna come about, not come apart, to let all see when good news finally realize.

在我所处的大家庭，我并没有对我所在乎的你们作出太大的贡献。虽然我也知道，有些时候有些事情我应该去做，有些事情我不该去做，但我甚至不知道。虽 然身处在这个社交社会里，其实我这么多年却最没有掌握的就是社交能力。把我搁置在家庭之外，我所拥有的全部只是零，我甚至没有任何价值。我想这就是为什么 没有什么人在意我的想法，我的感受。
我不会唧唧哇哇，而且我说的话并没有什么吸引力。
我不会做作，我不想伪装自己。但其实，真实的我也并不是招人喜欢，往往对身边的人没有意义。
我想要表达我自己，不是炫耀的那种，让身边的所有人知道其实这糟糕的生活并不是那么糟。
我想要做一些事情，不是把事情搞砸，让身边的所有人看到最终实现的好的消息。

I wanna be in, as one of the family.
I could show my best, to each in the family.
I wish the day come earlier.

我很想让自己成为家庭的一份子。
我想把我最好的一面展现给家里的每一份子。
我希望，我能尽快实现这个愿望。

2012.7.31