小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”！上周的世界足坛精彩看点层出不穷，阿利松出现低级失误，利物浦仍赢下比赛；曼联止住连败颓势，阿森纳、切尔西、巴萨、皇马等球队也纷纷取胜。亚运会男足赛场，帮助韩国夺冠的孙兴慜得以免除了兵役。好了，话不多说，快和摩羯君一起看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！
阿利松玩火送礼，利物浦2-1莱斯特城
Slaughtered_gates(利物浦球迷)：你永远不会独自得心脏病。(You will never have heart attack alone.)
Cody667(利物浦球迷)：其实自从阿利松来了我就对他玩火丢球抱有殷切的期待，我是不是没救了…(I've honestly been waiting for that to happen to Alisson since he came. I'm just so weird.)
Teleman_Frank(阿森纳球迷)：阿利松这么快就成为真正的利物浦门将了！(Didn't take long for alisson to become a true Liverpool keeper.)
AndesiteSkies(利物浦球迷)：罗马，你骗我！(Roma lied to me.)
IwishIwasGoku(阿根廷球迷)：卡里乌斯不是一个球员，而是一种心境。(Karius is not a player, Karius is a state of mind.)
Chrisixx(巴塞尔球迷)：我仿佛听到了遥远的伊斯坦布尔传来的笑声…(I can hear the laughter all the way from Istanbul.)
奥巴拉卡进球，阿森纳3-2卡迪夫城
ThefrozenOstrich(切尔西球迷)：要是你的球队踢阿森纳的时候总不能进球，那就把球传给扎卡吧，他肯定会给你们创造机会的！(If teams are struggling to score vs Arsenal just pass the ball to xhaka and he’ll create you a chance.)
xepa105(桑普多利亚球迷)：要是扎卡下场比赛还能首发，我真想找人把埃梅里的脑袋拧下来…(If xhaka is starting next match someone needs to smack Unay Emery upside the head.)
Psycho_Sexy(利物浦球迷)：扎卡怎么总能逃脱埃梅里的轮换名单，难道他在训练里就成哈维-阿隆索了？(and yet, somehow, Xhaka manages to escape emery's rotation, he must Xabi Alonso during training.)
trollerballer(未知主队球迷)：好想成为扎卡这样的人，工作干得这么烂，但依旧是百万富翁…(I wish I could be as bad as Xhaka at my job and still be a millionaire.)
卢卡库梅开，曼联2-0伯恩利
Lacabameyang(阿森纳球迷)：这场比赛的评论区里，还没看到一条不是在吐槽裁判的…(I haven’t seen a comment that isn’t about the ref in this thread.)
MOoley8(曼联球迷)：裁判还不如搬个沙发躺在球场中圈吹比赛呢，反正也没啥区别…(He might as well have sat down on a sofa in the center circle and tried to make calls from there. Completely no difference.)
ottawaZed(渥太华球迷)：现在曼联的比赛简直就像一场戏，只不过伯恩利扮演了个悲剧的角色…(The drama from Man U games are always interesting now. Burnley just show up unfortunately to be a figure of tragic.)
Ghost51(曼联球迷)：这场比赛其实是EA推动的一种新玩法，在FIFA19里将会出现“无犯规”模式！(This game is actually a promotion by EA for the new "No Rules" mode they've added in FIFA 19.)
阿扎尔佩刀进球，切尔西2-0伯恩茅斯
Ultimatum(切尔西球迷)：虽然萨里每天抽80根烟，但最终杀死他的肯定是莫拉塔…(Sarri smokes 80 cigarettes a day but it will be Morata that kills him.)
Echo361(未知主队球迷)：根据切尔西的新教练综合征，这赛季联赛冠军稳了吧！(New coach Chelsea syndrome. They’ll prolly win the league.)
Tr_Omer(贝西克塔斯球迷)：坎特就像是绿巨人，不过绿巨人是越生气身体越强大，坎特是跑得越多体能越充沛！(Kante is like the Hulk (angrier he gets the more powerful he becomes) but instead he just gets less tired the more he runs.)
IrelandWhyra(爱尔兰球迷)：看到吉鲁帅帅的新发型，我已经开始怀疑自己的性取向了…(Giroud got a haircut and is gonna make me question my sexuality now.)
沃克斯特林进球，曼城2-1纽卡斯尔联
rthunderbird1997(纽卡斯尔球迷)：啊…曼城…别这样…不要…(oh no City yamete kudasai...)
Vengaa(凯尔特人球迷)：这可比看曼联的比赛有意思多了！(Better than watching United.)
Scribble2thefloor(曼城球迷)：瓜瓜要不去学学巫术吧，看能不能尽快把丁丁治好…(Pep needs to study necromancy to resurrect De Bruyne ASAP.)
ViewsBot(未知主队球迷)：每次费尔南迪尼奥拿球的时候，都感觉他下一秒就会把球传给对方了…(Every time Fernandinho gets the ball he looks like he's about to give it away.)
酣畅淋漓，巴萨8-2韦斯卡
Zeta-Omega(利物浦球迷)：歪，妖妖灵吗？我要举报一场虐杀！(Hello Police? I'd like to report a horrible murder.)
st_huck(皇马球迷)：梅西用脚传出的球，都赶上NBA传球的水平了…(that's an NBA level crossover done with Messi feet.)
RuralHuman(巴萨球迷)：我们总能依赖最好的球员，比如梅西和乌龙迪尼奥！(We can always count on our best players, Messi and Owngoalinho.)
Royce_Melborn(巴萨球迷)：见鬼，虽然咱签下了乌龙迪尼奥，但对方球队都买了柱冯！(Wtf. We sign Owngoalinho. Other team signs barffon!)
本泽马梅开贝尔进球，皇马4-1莱加内斯
Ishdalar(巴萨球迷)：自从C罗离开了皇马，皇马的每个球员都变成C罗了…(Everyone in Ronaldo form for Real Madrid this season since Ronaldo leaves.)
Touchd93(皇马球迷)：除了C罗自己…(Except Ronaldo.)
孙兴慜免服兵役，韩国2-1日本亚运夺金
Jackalop(热刺球迷)：把孙兴慜的金牌放在我们热刺的荣誉柜里吧，我确定里边的空间还很大呢！(Put Son's medal in the trophy case, we’ve definitely got the space for it.)
BigSmokeIsGod(未知主队球迷)：想象一下日本的热刺球迷这球看得是多矛盾…(Imagine how conflicted a Japanese spurs fan is.)
好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了，让我们拭目以待，来看下期歪果仁们更加精彩的犀利吐槽吧！