Time is Valuable

I have to confirm that my ability of English is poor. because i still couldn't understand the words' meaning when i watch the song of ice and fire. 

i don't have elegant throat.
i don't know how to dance, paint and deliver a speech. 
the words i wrote are not beautiful.
i am not strong.

i spend too much time on gaming and some boring issue on internet. (internet give me the information, i shouldn't allow internet to swallow my time) in spite of it, when i have time, i usually have no idea on the issue which i have to do.

my relationship net is small.i have no idea how to get in touch with others and become friends with them, even though it's appropriate. i also don't know how to build a deeper and stronger relationship with others who i have known. i don't know how to love properly.

i also can't catch some opportunities.
i am not special enough. i get some trouble on keeping myself.
i used to spend too much money per month without acknowledging. in the past years, i had bought a lot of useless things.
planing and choosing are not my strength. 

i want to see bigger world and settle down with a woman. that means i need a job, more money, good friends in different working files, enough freedom and privacy. it's interesting that i can't see the value of school for my dream.