80万有梦想的人被一个有妄想的人驱逐出境

【按】熊孩子特朗普又搞事情了。
他宣布将在6个月内废除奥巴马执政期间制定的“童年抵美者暂缓遣返”计划（Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals，简称DACA)，并要求国会在半年内拟定出相应的替代法案。
DACA设立于2012年，针对的是在美居住5年以上且在16岁前首次进入美国的31岁以下非法移民，符合此条件的人被允许在美停留及工作两年，暂时免遭遣返。该群体约有近80万人，大多数为拉美裔，他们被称为“逐梦者”。
本文讽刺的就是特朗普作出这一决定的荒谬性。

Eight Hundred Thousand People with Dreams to Be Deported by One with Delusions

By Andy Borowitz September 5, 2017

1. WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Eight hundred thousand people with dreams will be deported by one person with delusions, sources confirmed on Tuesday.

deport: If a government deports someone, usually someone who is not a citizen of that country, it sends them out of the country because they have committed a crime or because it believes they do not have the right to be there.
delusion: a false belief or opinion about yourself or your situation

1）80万有梦想的人将被一个有 妄想的人驱逐出境, 星期二消息来源得到证实。

2. According to reports, U.S. residents who have obtained advanced degrees, served in the military, and saved people from Hurricane Harvey will be kicked out of the country by a man who believes that his microwave is spying on him.

3. 据报道, 获得了高等学位、在军队服过役, 并从哈维飓风中救过人的美国居民将被一个相信他的微波炉正在监视他的人踢出这个国家。

4. “Under this new decision, if you have worked hard, gone to school, and contributed to the country, you face immediate deportation,” one legal expert said. “On the other hand, if you can prove that you have a glaring personality disorder and a flimsy grasp on reality, you can decide the fate of those other people.”

glaring: If you describe something bad as glaring, you are emphasizing that it is very obvious and easily seen or noticed.
grasp: your ability to understand a complicated idea, situation, or subject = understanding
e.g. Steve has a good grasp of the European legal system.

e.g. After two months, his grasp on the subject was improving.

flimsy: Lacking plausibility; unconvincing 薄弱的：缺乏合理性的；不可信的

3. 一位法律专家说: “在这个新的决定下, 如果你努力工作, 去上学, 并为国家做出贡献, 你就会马上面临被驱逐出境。另一方面, 如果你能证明你有明显的性格紊乱以及对现实不合理的的把握, 你就可以决定其他人的命运。”

4. The delusional man defended his controversial decision late Tuesday afternoon, accompanied by several key voices in his head.

5. 这个妄想的人在星期二下午的时候为他那有争议的决定辩护, 连同他脑子里几个关键的声音。

6. “The people I am deporting are parasites who have exploited our economy,” the man, who has declared bankruptcy six times, said.

parasites: A parasite is a small animal or plant that lives on or inside a larger animal or plant, and gets its food from it.
exploit: to try to get as much as you can out of a situation, sometimes unfairly

5. “我驱逐出境的人是占我们经济便宜的寄生虫”, 该名男子说, 他曾宣布过六次破产。

Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,” and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.
作者介绍：Andy Borowitz 是纽约时报畅销书《50位最滑稽的美国作家》的作者，以及自1998年以来一直为《纽约客》写作的喜剧演员。他为 newyorker.com写作一个新闻讽刺专栏—— Borowitz 报告。